I'm rereading HN/HN and seem to have made some revelations. This is more a a vent so bear with me. I know that OM meet the EN's that I didn't. I think that just the basic communicating and then affection was the big one. I can understand how his love bank grew each time they met or talked. And I can understand how the A went from friendship to EA to PA because of this. It definetly explains the 'soulmate' and 'I am in love with him" lines I got from W (haven't heard them for a while now). I also understand how the EN's can override any repulsive qualities that the OP has (I'm a real understanding kind of guy now, hope W sees that). Whats hard for me to figure out is that he had all of these 'deficiencies' listed below, that's why I never really wanted to be more than a casual friend. Is it really that strong of an attraction?<p>He likes porn sites, even has CD's full of pictures that he saves and looks at.
He doesn't do any yardwork, housework, help out W, etc. Would rather spend all his time watching TV or playing on the computer.
He is married and has kids and is having an affair.
He has a goatee (not a slam, W just doesn't like them).
He is not religious.
He drinks a lot.
He sneaks around.
He is a lier.
He has had sex with other women before while married, though probably not an EA, just a 'get your rocks off' thing.
He is not serious about anything, thinks life is just a big game.<p>If I had these qualities, I would have never had the joy of knowing the woman I love all these years. So I guess there is hope for me yet. I'm coming to the realization that we are starting over, almost like dating again, except with kids. Sure wish I could see the deposit slips in W's love bank so I new if my balance was growing or not. Guess that's where paying attention to how she acts/reacts to me comes in.<p>Anyway, thanks for listening

Good vent.<p>I really don't what to say. But I am here to listen when you need me.<p>You and I must think the same way, with our names<p>loveherstill still love him<p>stay strong<p>
SLH

Ya he is a creep. You are better. Game over.

My H left me first time for a third-world country woman, second time for a three times divorced woman. Go figure......<p>[ November 21, 2001: Message edited by: Nina too ]</p>

I don't really know much about the story here but I think she is in 'infatuation' not love and doesn't know the difference. All those things may be okay now but what if she has to live with them 24/7? I think she's got the blinders on and can only see a little bit of the road before her. What makes a cool guy to date does not necessarily make a life mate. Being a woman, I can almost bet she won't be so understanding of those porn sites at some later point.<p>As for the goatee, I, too, hate them...but I think it looks sexy on my H. And only him.