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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 3 |
I have read almost the entire MB website. It was the reason I chose to disclose my affair. When I did reveal it (3 weeks ago), my husband threw me out of the house (in my pajamas, literally). I have no job, no money and no home. My family is refusing to speak to me. I'm allowed to stay with my brothers ex for another 4 days while I try and find employment. My husband wants to stay seperated for 6 months so he can decide if he wants me back. Meanwhile, I am trying to end things with my lover. Does anyone think we have a chance to fix things while being seperated esp. considering my sort of desperate situation. Can we rebuild trust when I am not around to prove it? Can I make deposits in the Love Bank when contact is rare? I would appreciate any advice...
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
Member
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Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
What a terribly difficult situation to be in.
Your comment "meanwhile I am trying to end things with my lover" seemed odd. How could your husband ever take you seriously if you are "trying to end things with your lover". If you wish to have any chance at rebuilding your marriage you must cease and end all contact with your lover and to show your remorse and your desire to recommit to the marriage.
I am sure that if your husband finds out you are
still seeing your lover at all then he will have no desire to recommit to the marriage.
How would you have felt if he told you he was having an affair and he was "trying" to end it.
It would seem rather hollow his desire to repair the marriage if he was "trying" to end the affair.
I hope you get into counseling immediately. I wish you luck.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 3 |
I guess what I meant was that we are still in some contact as he is now my sole source of emotional support. If my husband would take me back, I would have NO problem ending all contact. That was the plan when I disclosed the affair. I quit my job to avoid contact with him. Things are pretty desperate for me right now. I want my husband to take me seriously, but I have to figure out how to survive physically first.
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
I see your problem. The OM is your emotional and financial supporter at this time since you have nobody else. I can understand that your husband will never take you seriously while you are with him. Your husband will not wish to take you back as long as he feels you are having sex with this OM.
I wish I had an answer for you but I do not. I would try to get a job and become financial independent as soon as you can. I would also consider writing letters to your husband everyday and telling him how remorseful you are and that
you have stopped all sexual contact with this OM.
If the roles were reversed, what would you want to hear? I wish you luck.
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 3 |
Thank you for the idea of writing letters. The OM and I are in brief communication via email and we rarely see each other (if we do we insist on it being a public place). Neither of us is interested in a sexual relationship right now. I want the chance to prove myself, but distance isn't helping. I want to be totally honest about everything, but how can I do that when we are not face to face?? I wouldn't believe me after all the lying. Thanks for your help!
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
Member
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Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
It sounds like you are really on the right track.
It is very difficult to reconnect if you are not face to face. I would like to make another suggestion. Try making cassette tapes and sending them to your husband telling him how remoreseful you are and how you wish to make a new start and a better marriage. I think the combination of letters and tapes could prove to be very positive if you do not have the ability to communicate directly with him. I wish you luck.
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