Tomorrow will be DDay+56 (but who's counting?) and I thought I would share some observations about my own personal growth. Hope this helps those of you who 'just found out' and know that there is hope and things will get better. Believe me, if I can handle something like this and become a better person, no one else here should have a problem with it.<p>* I am not running away from this nor taking the easy way out, like I have done so many times in the past. I am standing firm and strong and allowing God to show me the inner strength that I didn't know I had.
* Done snooping, I'm taking the spy software off the computer this weekend. I honestly believe that W has not tried to contact OM in anyway. W is also giving me a lot of reasons to begin trusting her again. She tells me her daily itinerary and calls me when she is running late or plans change. I believe this is her way of rebuilding the trust that the A destroyed. Snooping serves no purpose anymore, if W does start something again, it is her problem and she will have to deal with it, like she is dealing with it now.
* I am done obsessing over W and OM being together. I have learned that this is a destructive path to take and does nothing to help me begin the healing process. I do not want the dirty details form W either, the fact that a PA/EA happened is enough.
* I am no longer fearful of seeing OM or OM's W in public. Yes, they are our neighbors and I see them a lot, but consider them passing strangers now. Sometimes I see OM's W and want to ask her how things are going (since we have a common cause now), but know it won't help me any. It would also be a big LB for W if I tried to contact OM's W .
* Am getting more comfortable talking to W about the A. We haven't had a serious argument about it for quite a while now. I still sound angry and have to take some time-outs when we talk, but we always seem to finish the conversations on a positive note. W has made an extra effort to answer questions that I have about OM and the A and it helps me a lot.
* I am giving W all the time and space she needs right now, no more pushing for an answer. I make sure I am there for her whenever she needs me, no more "I'm busy" or any of the other excuses that I used in the past to keep from meeting her EN's.<p>Right now I feel like more of a 'giver' than anything, but it is also for my personal well being. I have been a 'taker' or 'un-giver' for so long that I need to show myself I can be the true loving husband that W fell in love with. Even if the M doesn't work out, I can take the self-growth lessons that I have learned and apply them to any future relationships I may get involved with.
