I'm new at this!! I will be married 34 years next month. (in 2 weeks.) My H left one month ago yesterday. He moved in with the OW. All contacts have been made by me. He was a very good husband,father, and lover. We had not had major problems. I love him more that life itself !! At first I was beside myself with worry about what was happening. H is deeply depressed because he has not worked since 1998. I have been working only for the past year and a half. I had stayed home to raise children and family. The ow was a "Friend" that we both felt sorry for and tried to help. She was divorced and a very needy person. She would call and ask how to do things, ask my H to come over and fix simple things, or just call and ask for advice about fixing something. When I began to think that they were spending too much time together I talked with both and was told that they were just VERY. VERY GOOD FRIENDS. Well, now he has moved out and moved in with the OW. I still love my H and do not want to get a divorce. My children have asked if I plan to share there father with the OW-- My answer is Yes if I have to. I hold my problems in and hide the pain and suffering . I have lost 25 -30 pounds since he left. I cannot eat, sleep or concentrate on anything for very long. I feel that my H is depressed about his Job situation and needs medication to help him. How can I get both of us into counseling and work to rebuild this marriage?? I feel that this is a mid-life crisis. I believe in God and have drifted away from God during the past few years. I know that I need help also and that there is blame for each of us. I just wish that my H was MAN ENOUGH to get out on his own so that he could think for himself.

I am truly sorry that you are going through this awful time. All of us here at MB understand what you are feeling and you have come to the right place for help. My friends here have helped me through some of the darkest hours of my life and they will help you too. Just hang on, you are about to go through the wildest roller coaster ride of you life.<p>What can you do for H? I hate to say it, but right now not a whole lot. You need to take care of YOU! If you are feeling depressed, can't sleep, eat, etc, then you need to go see a doctor and possibly get some kind of meds. Once I did, my mind cleared and I could think straight again. Also, look at the thread for newbies, it will really help you get an idea of where to go in MB for answers. Read WATs guidelines, read other posts to see what other people are going through and how they are coping. Get a copy of His Needs, Her Needs and Surviving an Affair, they are great books.<p>I congratulate you on 34 years of marriage, I think that is a big plus on your side. Your admitting that each of you have made mistakes is another positive point. You are amongst friends here, please stick around and tell us what is happening with you. Let us hear your vents instead of H, we fully understand what you are going through. You will get through this and become a better person.

We have been married about the same time and I am new at this also. My husbands affair is in the past and I have just found out about it. I have posted just about yours. Maybe we can help each other thur this. My prayers are with you. Yes I would say talking it out with Jesus is a start. I found just writing in the forum helped me. Call on me any time. We can get thru this.

Always,<p>I'm not sure from what you posted how long ago you found out about the affair, how long ago your H moved out, etc. Post when you get a chance and tell us more details so we can maybe offer more help. <p>I do know that when I was "new at this" too, what I really wanted was a plan, something concrete that I could do, maybe even just something to occupy my mind and my time. WAT's Guidelines for Newcomers (or something to that effect)and Onegoing's "General Welcome" was what I was looking for but didn't find for some time. You'll find it on the "Just Found Out" page where you posted this thread. They definitely give you a starting point. There is a lot to read and digest, but I'm convinced that it is the very best if not the only way to recover a marriage. If it sounds a little quirky and foreign at first, just give yourself a chance to take it all in. <p>I think as you read, you'll find that it's not recommended or required that you share your husband. Hopefully you won't have to. <p>I feel so much for you. Experts say that this is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a person - more so usually than death of a spouse or child! <p>Keep posting and reading here even when you don't feel like it. I had a tendency to "shut down" and isolate myself. Family & friends got tired of talking about it all, but these wonderful people are always here to support you. <p>Wishing good things for you,
AB<p>[ November 30, 2001: Message edited by: almostbroken ]</p>

I just called my daughter who lives about 3 hours away. I wanted to check on my new grandaughter and see if my in-laws had a safe trip (about 12-13 hours) to visit for the week-end. When my daughter answered the phone I could hear my H and the OW in the background. He has just called his parents within the last week and had made plans to bring the OW for dinner (3 hrs. away). I am so hurt that I don't know what to do!! I really don't want them to accept this situation without giving us a chance to repair, go to counseling and work on a reconciliation. My in-laws have always been very close and I am anxious to hear from them. I know that there is nothing that I can do but pray and leave everything in God's hands. This just seems so unfair to me!! The OW can be very delightful when you first meet her. The only thing that I have on my side is the history of almost 34 years. My in-laws are both in there 80's and have been married almost 60 years. Because my H had not contacted them, they thought that they were going to die without ever seeing him again. My father-in-law is a very fair and wise man. My H will respects his Dad and most often listens to his advice. I am not sure how he views the situation and am afraid!! My mother-in-law doesn't like the fact that he moved in with the OW. Has anyone had a similar situation to deal with?? I need something to calm my fears!! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img]