hi all im new to this place , but heres my storty ,I found found out about the affair by accident , and he refused to admit to being more then just friends until i really started to snup, i got all the cell phone bills in detail and there were days he would call her 20 or more x's.The thing is we all worked together and i heard rumors But I believed in my hubbie, i honestly did think he could ever do this to me . Well to get on with it we have both been seeing counslors and we even went to one together 3x's this last time he walked out of the meeting , he told me the questions i was asking were sick and i was crazy to want to know the- when, where, how long it all was going on he also said it was none of my business. now i know there are things he refuses to tell me the truth about . AM I crazy to want to know????? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

I 'found out' this week. I was asking myself the same question about H's A. I decided that I might not want to know details for curosity's sake; but I think that later in my 'process' I might want to know some of them in the trustbuilding phase--just to hear the truth for once. I don't know if I would have the notion to call a bs sick and crazy without feeling that I drove them there.<p>Are you Crazy? Define Crazy. Is a BS anything but crazy at times? I'm new at this, but I asked myself why I wanted to know and what I expected the answers to do for the relationship.<p>I question the quality of my advise as I am a rookie at this, however, the post 'her' addresses the same issue.<p>[ November 30, 2001: Message edited by: DJC99801 ]</p>

Your not 'crazy', you're acting like any normal, rational person would do after being betrayed by the most important person in your life.<p>Be careful about asking for too many of the gory details. All you realy need to know is if it was an EA or PA and how long it went on for. Maybe later WS can explain how they got involved with this person and how it evolved into an A, this might help you understand how H's EA/PA's were not being met. I didn't ask W about the details, but my mind sure did conjure up some images all by itself and I began obsessing over it, not helpful to recovery at all. Imagine what would have happened if I had some real details to add to it.<p>H's reaction to the questions should be expected. Remember, in his mind he did nothing wrong (see WATS guidelines). Personally, I would stop asking these questions. Part of Plan A is to give WS a comfortable environment to be in. Only when WS feels like you will be understanding and non-judgemental will he allow himself to open up to you. Right now, focus on making H feel comfortable around you, and focus on yourself too, H will come around in due time, just have patience.<p>Hang in there, you can do it!

Hi eveyone!
I posted the one about HER! I too keep feeling like I want all the gory details, at times, More on those bad days.
I think my situation is different, but would love to find out. Here goes.... I found out about the A last week on Tuesday confronted H About it when he got home from work( I got into his email and found afew from OW) Of course I was so shocked, H admitted about A said it's been going on for about a month, I asked for some details. He stated it was not a sexual thing yet. This is someone he works with. We've been together for 18 years M for 17 this is 2nd M for both of us. I have 3 children from 1st( all grown up now) he has grown son from 1st and we have 15 year old daughter at home. W've had our share of problems and been really rough at times but we made it through. July 2000 I lost my father whom I was very close too, Unfortunetly this, my health, and irritable M sent me into severe depression. H was totally unware. Thought I didn't want him and was neglecting him,( I was totally unaware ) ( realized all this in talking after confrontation about A. Any way long story shorter. A is still going, H says he can't control, doesn't understand but needs to let it run course. I know I love him dearly and know he loves me, I think he's having midlife crisis. I told him, his head is up his... . We are talking, have made love numberous times since finding out, I see it as another hurdle to get through. I guess I'm nuts but glad to have caught A sooo early, Still snooping to check whether he is lying, so far info has been good. I have to keep him content more at home, he has to make choice in near future. I found out what she looks like and more about what she's like and have been told probably won't last long. I'm hanging in there. He's mine and I'm letting him go to easily. Little does she know. Still like to meet her and tear her apart!!!!

Hi me again. type o in last post. I will not let him go easily.