I just found out about my wife's "affair" a week, or so, ago. While my wife's appears to be an "Emotional Affair", it is nonetheless, an affair and it has hurt equally as deep.<p>My wife insisted that her and this guy were only "friends". But, in reality, there was feelings there that were much more than friendship feelings. <p>I believe people who are in emotional affairs choose to call them "friendships" to avoid the ugly truth of what they are really doing to their spouse. After all, who would stand up and criticize a "friendship" ? Everyone needs friends. Friends are GOOD, right ??? All the while, they are simply trying to justify something by calling it something else.<p>It looks, today, as though my wife really wants to remain together. We have agreed that ALL CONTACT must end between her and this guy. Now, it is up to her to turn away from him and focus on our relationship 100%.<p>I pray that can be the case...

Good luck, Shavey - please seek counseling ASAP and Plan A your butt off rgardless of your W's current mindset. Please be very cautious. Don't for a minute think you're done resolving whatever problems existed in your marriage that created the favorable environment for the affair to occur.<p>BTW, "just friends" is universal among affairees.

Shavey,
I'm in the same boat you are. DDay was November 11, 2001. Get ready for the ride of your life. Someone told me that EA's are worse than PA's. I can see that. H "needs to find himself". This site has helped me a lot in coping with this mess. The 2 most important things I learned is to seek the help of a C, and take care of YOU. I wish you luck in the days, and months to come. Be strong...

Boy do I feel your pain. I just learned that my husband has been lying to me in order to pursue a "friendship" with OW (who he admits he is sexually attracted to). He has talked to her about our relationship and problems, something he swore he would never do. Now he says he will stop talking to her about us, but he is not going to end the friendship. After all, it is just a "friendship" and besides, he has NO FEELINGS for her. Yeah, right. No feelings for someone he shares his problems with (and she shares hers). If he really had no feelings for her, it would be no big deal to end the relationship, right?<p>Where do I go from here?

Shavey (and others)<p>I think one of the big problems with EA's is exactly what you said. WS can rationalize it as a 'friendship' and thus remain in denial for a long time about it. In a PA there can be no denial of trangression.<p>I used to post a lot here when I first discovered my wife's EA (D-day #1, Nov. 2000), but lately I've just lurked mostly, because sometimes it seems to me that I what I have been through is so trivial compared to some others. But, dammit, it still hurts a lot. She has written him letters and a poem. Nowhere in any of these is 'love' mentioned, so, again, she can rationalize it as just a friendship!!!! And when she actually met him again last summer everything flared up again.<p>My W and I are in a very slow recovery from her EA, slow becasue she basically refuses to admit it is/was anything more than a 'friendship'. Yet she discussed details of our M with him. She even told him she thought our M was about to end, without even bringing it up with me. She set up secret email accounts to talk with him and even now she sends him occasional messages about how her life is going - but the frequency is getting less, and I guess I'm just waiting for things to die a natural death.<p>In most respects our M is better than it was becasue I have been in Plan A since D-day #1 and she is trying to fulfil some of my EN (though not as much as I'd like). But I've still not seen any signs of remorse.<p>So, you could be in for a long roller-coaster ride. Good luck<p>Seagull