My H and the OW began to get very close during the months of July, Aug & Sept. He left on 10-28. I did the things a normal person would do--move money, set up new accounts, change locks, clear junk out etc. So far almost all contact has been initiated by me. I was left to tell his parents, our children and even some of his friends!! It is almost like he is trying to start completely over. OW represented the good points in his life while I was the serious bad guy. He would not even fix the simple things around the house and yard. However, on the computer I found his checklist to do at her house. I have learned how to handle a drill,other tools, repair cars, and basically solve problems.
Now it seems that the warfare has moved onto the computer. He has posted pictures on my screen saver and scrambled my files. I do not want to fight. I love my H and have told him that there is nothing he has done that I would not forgive and forget!! The most difficult part is turning all control over to God. I know that I cannot solve any problems without his being in control and without his help. <p>Thanks for the WAT's. I don't know what the letters stand for but I get the general idea. Where can I find some good books for self help to read. I have read only one or two so far. The discussion forum has been a wonderful help to me. Always and Forever

always and forever - Welcome to MB! <p>I am sorry to hear about your situation. If you have been reading here, you have seen you are definitely NOT alone. Many people in similar situations have repaired their marriages - even with spouses that were less that willing to begin with. It can happen! <p>You asked about books that may help. His Needs/Her Needs is a good book for discovering the general concepts used here and learning how to meet the needs of your H. However, for someone working to change their marriage basically on their own like you, I recommend an additional book or two. Michele Weiner-Davis has written several books on changing the dynamics of your relationship by making changes in yourself. Her newest is "Divorce Remedy", "Divorce Busting is another, and an excellent source for women to understand gender differences in regard to communication in marriage is "Getting Through to The Man You Love". She also has a website Divorce Busting<p>These books and websites along with Dobson's "Love Must be Tough" and "The Five Love Languages" were very helpful to me in rebuilding my M. Hope that gets you started. My first suggestion after you have read everything about the Basic Concepts here is to go to the DB website and read there. <p>You will find stories of people just like you that have been successful at rebuilding their marriages. You can do this!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I would stop contact with your H for a while, except when absolutely necessary (making arrangements for children is the only thing -unless you can make those through a 3rd party. The key to all this is learning which actions work in your Relationship and which don't. DO more of what works and less of what does not.
Disengage from the warfare!! Take care of yourself, and detach from his drama for a while. <p>Do some reading and ask any questions! You will get a lot of support! <p>Hang in there!
B

Thanks for the reply. The hardest thing is not to contact H because I feel that the longer we don't talk the harder it will be to talk. Also, my H can be a very stubborn man. I plan to go to the library and check out the books suggested. Also, today for the first time I told my two best friends. They were trully shocked and could not believe that we were talking about the same man. My H is not the man that I married so long ago. I feel that if I can just get him to go to counseling will be a BIG STEP. H does not communicate about his feelings at all--- not even with me. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]