Myself & My W have been married 2 and a half years. We have a 1 year old son. Last year her grandmother and father both passed away. We have had a very rough go of it.
I do not think that my wife is having an affair, but I am well aware that I have not met some of her emotional needs. She has not met my intimacy needs since the birth of our son. Since I did not meet her emotional needs she spends time with a single friend(her only) who likes to do single things. She states that she does NOT want a divorce but that "she loves me" but "is not in love with me anymore" She may have possibly met someone but she won't say. I have not seen any signs- working late, mysterious phone calls or emails etc.
I have told my wife that we have 3 choices. Fix the marriage, Live misreble and stay together or to divorce. She states that she does not want a divorce, I have stated that I will not be married to someone who is not in love with me. She says she doesn't know if she can fall back in love with me. The third choice to fix things is my preference but I can't get a response or action from my W on that. I feel that even though she says she doesn't want a divorce- She wants me to iniate it so "I am the bad one". Any hope here??<p>Thanks

Cessna - I also responded to your post on GQII.<p>An affair is certainly plausible. I suggest you proceed under this assumption - just keeping your eyes and ears open. But there could be other explanations, as well - not the least being an attempt to escape from the trauma of her losses.<p>Is it fixable? OF COURSE!! But you both have to WANT to fix it.<p>I suggest you get into counseling ASAP, even if your wife doesn't want to participate.<p>Regardless of whether or not she's having an affair, implementing Plan A - looking for and resolving YOUR contributions to her unhappiness - should be a no-brainer thing to do. Please try this. You'll find lots of info in the Notable Posts/Threads post lower on this board.<p>Good luck,

HI, SOunds like you still have time to fix things before they get worse... I wish I had tried harder before my H left... he started saying he didn't love me like a wife... but as them mother of our children...well it was very hard to deal with, and I got more mad, than willing to plan A... be sweet and loving and meet his needs and make him fall back in love... Basically what I am finding that works is what you did that made your spouse fall in love with you to begin with... I have 2 kids, and from experience can say things were difficult and still are with a 3 yr old meeting intimacy needs in our marriage... a child wears you out, etc. may tire your wife more than you realize, etc.. Try to see things from her perspective, and be the bigger person... it may save your marriage which is what it sounds like you want.<p>Try dr. harley's his needs/ her needs book and go over plan a on this site.<p>Tell her and show her you love her... give give give!<p>GOod luck!<p>Lisa [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]