I know this is a ridiculous post but, I was wondering....DDay was 11-1-01 when I found out about the A, I packed up all H's stuff and threw it out on the front lawn. When he came home, he put it into the garage. Now all his stuff is in the basement. He said he didn't put it away because he was unsure if he was staying,(which now he denies ever saying) and also never seemed to have the time. We had a long talk the other night after seeing the C in which I told him that maybe he was right, maybe we weren't right for each other, and maybe we would be happier seprate, rather than together. I also said I had enough with all the lies, and his refusal to end communications with OW. I said although I love him and want to make our marraige work, I don't deserve to be treated like this.
I don't know if at that point he hit his head or something, but all of a sudden after all this time, he had a change of heart. Weather it was genuine or a crock, he said he was sorry about everything, and he made the decision to stay with me and work things out. ( this includes breaking off ties) So after all my babbling, the question is....
A. should I believe him? and
B. should I be nice and put his clothes away for him so when he comes home from work, it's all done? i don't know, anybody?

"I told him that maybe he was right, maybe we weren't right for each other, and maybe we would be happier seprate, rather than together. I also said I had enough with all the lies, and his refusal to end communications with OW. I said although I love him and want to make our marraige work, I don't deserve to be treated like this.
I don't know if at that point he hit his head or something, but all of a sudden after all this time, he had a change of heart. Weather it was genuine or a crock, he said he was sorry about everything, and he made the decision to stay with me and work things out. ( this includes breaking off ties) So after all my babbling, the question is....
A. should I believe him? and
B. should I be nice and put his clothes away for him so when he comes home from work, it's all done? i don't know, anybody? "<p>Hi ARPOW.<p>I think 'this' actually works with a small percentage of WS's. What I mean by 'this' is:<p>given the wake-up call that 'hey, I'm not going to be apart of your little attempt to get yourself on the Jerry Springer show', so get out...
some WS's actually wake up.
Now, I know from reading this board for months that this DEFINITELY doesn't apply to all WS's.
But it did for mine. Two weeks after D-day,{two weeks of me grovelling for even a nicety, two weeks of listening to "she's a really great person", two weeks of me apparently having no human (or otherwise) rights}, I found out the EA WAS still on (by hiring a PI). I went home and told WH to get the F*** out. Lo and behold the monster suit came unzipped and out stepped my husband...on his knees.....begging for one more chance.
The computer has spyware, I occasionally tap the phones, I've had him followed, and I have all the passwords etc. So far, so good. <p>Maybe you are getting lucky, like me.<p>calypseaus<p>.....trust....but verify....

Arpow,<p>You are not going to believe this, but I found out that my husband was having an A on 11/01/01 also. He didn't tell me, he just said he thought that we should get a divorce. I knew in that instant that he was having an affair. Lots has come out in the last month, like for instance he has a 12 year old child by this woman (evidently he had an affair with this woman over 12 years ago when he was married to his first wife).<p>Whether we will be able to successfully resolve our issues is something only God knows. <p>For your situation, I would say "no", you can't trust him to be done. Maya Angelou has a saying, that basically says that "people show you who they are, so no need in believing what they say - believe what they show you". I would say that you should talk to your H about seeing a counselor. The two of you need to discuss "why" he cheated; what he need the OW was meeting. Then I would get busy, meeting that need. I would also read Dr. Hartley's Policy Agreement information and his information about Negotiating. Both are on the web site. You and your husband need to agree on how decisions are
made and how to discuss or negotiate when issues/problems arise in your marriage.<p>As for the business about throwing his clothes on the lawn, I would stop all of that behavior. I understand where you are coming from (one of my initial thoughts was to burn all of the clothes I had bought my husband - which be the way, would be 90% of the clothes he has now). However, that is just anger and frustration coming out - and not at all the type of behavior that is going to save your marriage.<p>My prayers...

We've been seeing a C since 11-4 01. We've talked about a lot of stuff (we've seen her 3 times together, 1 each sepratly) but she really hasn't givin us any feedback. Some comments she made to me in our solo session were eye opening....I get the impression that she doesn't care for H to much. He gets the same impression, and the sessions are starting to get uncomfortable for him.
I know lepords don't change their spots, I caught him in a really stupid meaningless lie today. I don't know, I guess I just have to think positive and take it one day at a time, and in the meantime, he can put away his own sh*t, and think about why it's there while he is doing it.....