Have posted in Emotional Need and re-post here hoping to get more advices. <p>Pls see my post at:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=006909<p>Some of the things I posted:
Married for 10.5 months and my husband dating another girl. I found out after they have been dating for 2 weeks. My husband claimed that he was pressured by family members to marry me and he had long since stop loving me. He claimed that it has nothing to do with this girl as he had already stop loving me long time ago.
He has not served the separation paper but he said he wants out of this marriage.
I still love him and I want our marriage to work. He refused to try as he thinks it would not work. He said our relationship is routine and boring and lack of communication.
He claimed he still cares a lot for me but how is it possible if he still cares for me and still do this to me. He said he cannot control his feeling and he really likes this girl. He told the girl he is married when the girl showed interest in him but this does not stop them for going on with their relationship.
Now, it seems no matter what I do is always wrong. I have no idea what to do and wht to feel anymore. Just broken and hurt.
Pls help! <p>What makes me think I am selfish because my H said that he wants out and it is selfish of me to ask him to give our marriage a 2nd chance to work on as he claimed he has fallen out of love with me and I am forcing him to stay on where he does not want to. This makes me think whether I am selfish to want him to try to work on our marriage or should I just let him go so that he can be happy.
I am very confused as to whether it is right for me to think of working on this marriage or am I being selfish trying to tie him down like he said. He said I am selfish and should let him go because he has a right to pursue his happiness, i.e. to be with the other girl. <p>I have been hiding my feeling afraid that letting it out would hurt ppl that I love. However, I dont how to be honest with my feeling and being considerate/understanding at the same time.
I did tell him and still telling him that I love him no matter what. However, I am just afraid that doing this is indirectly giving him pressure and indirectly forcing him at the same time.<p>What is sharing feelings in a responsible fashion? If I feel sad and feel like crying, I would hide and cry. Sometimes he sees it, sometimes he doesnt. Sometimes he get frsutrated that I cried and he would just walk away. Sometimes, he will just sit beside me and pass me tissue. I dont know whether being sad/crying in front of him would indirectly pressurising him or what? What I am doing now is try not to pressurize him or manipulating him, that is why I dont know what I do is consider as being manipulating/pressurizing or just being honest with my feeling, whether being honest with my feeling would cause more pressure and suffering for my H.<p>I am afraid of giving the ultimatum will actually end my marriage because my H has shown no hesitation of asking me to leave him. He has been telling me that is the end of us and there is no hope in our marriage and no point trying to work on it. His EA is still in 4th month and I feel that if I give this ultimatem, he will just be too happy to go ahead with it.
