my husband and his good friend are in the military. his friend got married last wednesday. hubby and friend knew they would be gone for a week in the field so the friend asks if i will entertain his new wife. i agree... no problem. she's been staying with me off and on for a week (the alternative was to continue living in the barracks sharing a room with her new husbands roommate). last night she and i and the roommate go back to my house to play video games and just hang out. i run down to the store and when i come back, they're going at it on MY bed! so i try to get them out but they ignore me. i call my girlfriend down the street and leave to her house. i tell girlfriend whats going on and we go back to kick them out of my house. she brings her hubby too (who is an cop on base) later that night i check my voicemail to find 2 messages from her hubby telling her how much he loves her and misses her. i know he is going to call me tonight. my husband is supposed to be home tonight but who knows. her husband is supposed to be home tomorrow. should i tell him? should my hubby? should it be in person or on the phone?
i also am sort of worried about my girlfriends hubby saying something to the roommates command and my poor hubby's friend finding out from one of his superiors... should i even give her the chance to tell her hubby first? should i tell him on the phone tonight? should i have my hubby tell him?

cometgirl,
What a mess! I am going to give you my opinion so take it for what its worth.
Tell your husband and incouage him to tell his best friend.
My wife had an afair and I only wished someone would have told me long before I found out on my own.
If you and your husband have a good relationship together then nothing should be kept secret from each other. Share this news with him.
If you don't and later on they all find out and they will, you will feel bad for not telling your husband right away. Same goes for your hubby's good friend, he will say "why didn't you tell me?"
You are in a tough spot but you have done nothing wrong. Tell, he deserves to know.<p>Stillhurts

Cometgirl<p>Perhaps an anomynous letter to the OM Commander may help shed some light on it. Your husband's friend should know. As retired military I can tell you that there are really no secrets on base so the source of the letter will be unknown. Most likely with no proof the OM will be called in and counselled. That way the CDR can cover himself in case something is or is not going on.
If you have been around long enough you may have picked up on the sublties of today's military. Plausible deniability is key to officer's career when something goes wrong. Folks please don't beat me up if you disagree. Sorry I saw it enough on 6 different bases and 18 years in leadership roles from squad leader to acting First Sergeant. <p>Anyway OM will probably be counselled and told that command has been made aware that situation may exist and that he needs to conduct himself accordingly (adultery gets prosecuted quite a bit in the military for those who don't know). <p>Bottom line OM gets warned and hopefully that will end affair. Your husband's friend will probably find out within next 3 weeks even if your husband doesn't say anything ( I would tell husband and let him handle things the best way he knows as he is best judge of his friend, the unit, the OM, etc).<p>Good luck