My info is in my profile; I'm a new member. We're doing really well together and healing, and he's bent over backwards to do everything he can to convince me that I can trust him again. The problem is, I'm desperately unhappy that the OW might pregnant. My gut tells me she's lying, but I'm so afraid to hope for that. I just don't know what to expect and how it will affect me/us. <P>Is it common for OW to pull this? What are the chances that she's lying?<P>He's told me he absolutely does not want anything to do with her or any child, but I can't in good conscience let him turn his back on an innocent child. Would I be a complete idiot to consider adopting this child? Am I completely gullible or am I doing the right thing? I'm overwhelmed with feelings of being a real chump, and that I might just get my heart stomped on all over again while everyone talks about how nice a person I am.<p>[This message has been edited by Barrie (edited December 12, 1999).]

barrie,<P>Are you familar with John Madden. He announces football games on TV and was a coach. He has a radio show here where I live. He has a saying that I really like and I think it applies to you. <P>"Don't roll out the hose until you know where the fire is."<P>You don't know the OW is pregnant and you don't know that H is the father even if she is. At this point take the attitude that if a child is produced by OW that only upon full dna testing will you address yourself to this issue. Your H would be well advised to do the same thing.<P>If OW finds out that neither of you are going to jump through hoops because of this child??? to be, then you might get a different tone.<P>But more importantly don't get too worked up until you really know you have a problem.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You and Your H.

Barrie,<BR> I too just found this wonderful site recently and coming here for support or just to vent is WONDERFUL! I unfortunately have found myself in your same situation.<BR> Split w/my SO for 1yr only to find after we have reconciled that his OW during our split is pregnant. He wants nothing to do with the OW/ or OC. I found myself thinking the same things-like if it is his shouldnt we file for custody. We already have two other children. <BR> But I have to agree with JustLearning- wondering and worrying doesn't help if all the facts are not in.If it isn't your H child or if she's not preg at all then you are just going to stress for nothing. We came to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing we can do until the OC is born and if at that time the OW comes to us for testing, we'll proceed from there. Its hard to wait and not let that anger surge into your own family, which causes major LB! <BR> Again, welcome, sorry for the reason you're here, I feel your pain, and hope for the best for your and your H.<BR><P>------------------<BR><P> Drea<P>

Barrie,<BR>I'm so sorry to hear that the OW may be pregnant. I really hope that it is not true or that it is not your SO's. It definitely makes the infidelity much harder to handle. There is nothing you can really do right now but wait and see what happens. You are not alone. The OW in my situation had a baby in August and it is my H's. There are some other's here at MB in the same situation as well (Jenny, Daycare Disaster, Catnip). <P>Take care,<BR>Audrey

It seems that she may indeed be pregnant. She's really dangling it in front of us, threatening to tell his mother, et cetera. Says it's a "head/heart" decision and she just needs him to help her decide. Of course, he told her he wants nothing to do with her and she should get an abortion. I know I'll have to hold my head high--he can't stop saying how grateful he is that I've stuck with him, but I really have to fight against the feelings of humiliatio and resentment. I wanted to be the one to give him a child--I have my own from a previous marriage but he doesn't yet. I feel like he just handed that over to someone else and I'm so ANGRY!!

Barrie<P>I am going through a similar situation. I know the OW is pregnant. It is still somewhat uncertain whether or not the OC is his, but the hurt is the same. <P>What hurts me the most is that if the OC is my husbands, then the communication between he and the OW will never be totally cut off. That hurts! On top of that the OW used to be my "best friend". <P>She is due the end of March, and it seems that I think about this situation all the time.<P>I feel your pain. Even if you aren't sure that the OW is pregnant, it makes the hurt of the affair that much worse.<P>Please continue posting.