BTW-W decided to go with me tomorrow morning to get taxes done @ 10:00am Only source of $$$ right this moment(I need cash too for bills and such), And I mentioned something to her about, "besides, it gives you a chance to spend a day with me," and she said exactly,(Yes !!!! she did NOT object, she WANTS to spend time with me. First time we are going to spend time together since Dec. 8) This is good??? or am I reading this the wrong way???<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Torizo ]</p>

<p>[ January 21, 2002: Message edited by: stillhurts ]</p>

SH,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> When you are together look deep into her eyes and speak softly to her encouraging her and reassureing her that it is safe to come home now and that is where she belongs. <hr></blockquote><p>I have been trying to reassure her of that, it is only now beginning to work.<p>I can only try and make our day "good" tomorrow, and no LBs. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Hopefully her LB$ is open to me an I can put a couple deposits in.(That would be great)<p>Should I take some MB things for her to read, POJA, four rules, ect. or should I hold off til she comes home?<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Torizo ]</p>

T, <p>You know what? It is so obvious that you have done your homework on MB's that you are going to do just fine tomarrow. You are not going to lb, you are going to make lb$ every chance you get. You are going to make OM look like a shmuck. Stand tall, be yourself and of course, be lookin real good. Keep talkin to God. Ask Him for all the help that you are going to need. Now is not the time to give her MB literature, she is still a baby, just feed her milk, if you give her meat now she will choke on it, there is plenty of time for that. You my friend are going to do just fine! <p>Prayers for you..<p>SH

SH,<p>Thank you for the encouragement. I just want our day together to be good and let her see the changes in me.<p>I will update sometime later on how our day went.<p>
Until then, Wish me luck, and God bless.

<p>[ January 21, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Torizo ]</p>

Hi.......I just found out a month ago husband had a affair........We've been married for over 33 years....and were seperated because I needed more attention and affection from him.....So finding this out was even more hurtful if possible........Having a hard time dealing with.....He is back home.....but I cant get the images out of my mind of him and her .......Makes me sick to my stomach... One minute..crying.....then angry ..then dont want him out of my sight....Want him to hold me continually.....Feel like Im losing my mind.........It hurts so badly....Really need help here....Trying really hard to forget .....but thoughts wont stop coming......Need someone that's been here to say what helped them through.......Thank you.......Linda

Hi linda,<p>First I'd like to say welcome to MB, You have come to the right place, there are lots of people here who have come from both sides of the "fence". They are all good people, and are here to help. First I suggest, starting up a post under the just found out catagory, and explain your situation to everyone. Then I might suggest reading the books His need, Her needs and Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley, they will help you out, If you have read them, then read, post, read, vent, and read some more.<p>I do understand how you feel right now though, I have been there, and it is hard, but you will make it through this. I would suggest what I have mentioned above. as well as post your situation, the more "veteran Members can help out more than I can.<p>I'm sorry I could not be of more help.<p>Good luck and God Bless.

Linda S, I am going to answer you post with this link hang in there.<p>Torizo, I will check you up later. I will have to go home from work.<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Redhat,
NP [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Torizo,
Close that smile for a while ... that water melon smile .... I have to go to bring my 2 D to dinner minus WW. I just lurk to see Linda S. I will be back tonite, warming up my keyboard.

Redhat, <p>I'm sorry W is not with you @ dinner, I do however hope 2D enjoy it with you.<p>My heart and prayers go out to you all.

Thanks Torizo,<p>My emergency is dealing w/ my WW about the offer on the apt, she is confused like a deer. I could just imagine OM druming her all night and this morning I throw a curve ball on her. She needs time to think about declining the offer ... I let her and no pressure. I know she wasn't expecting my proposal on the table. Then an hour later, I got email from my FIL, it broke my heart and I have to close my office door and grep my tissue box. My BIL type/translate it for my FIL and I could picture them also weeping since the letter wasn't in conherent at all. Just if these keyboard could talk to my WW !!! They don't deserve the treatment. My FIL's sos. sec. check was send to my WW join account w/ FIL and she didn't wire it to him for months. Last Nov, my FIL change the direct deposit back to his bank. And now she plan B him !!!, no contact, no nothing. I could not function for couple hours, how deep of a fog she is in. Is her A is better than blood ?. I regreted I don't have ADD handy. I am fine now and I keep this in the journal that I will open up when I am in plan B. When you want to love someone, think a happy thought about them, when you want to hate someone, count the pain that they cause you. I will do a very short plan B and never look back. Enough my venting ... your post & nikko brought my smile back.<p>Wow, s. rape & harboring Minor and her freinds have them in the house w/ little girls ?. I agree w/ you about freinds.<p>Pregnant? - she could take a kit test to check. STD ? she should go to clinic to check. Use safe sex before the test result comes out.<p>Hang in there for a few more days and you are still in 'coaster until the cow come home. (animal thing from rev's farm) I am glad that OM LB'ed and W see the love in you. Print out the questionairs and work from there ... but take it easy for few days, play catch up first. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 21, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Redhat,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> And now she plan B him !!!, no contact, no nothing. I could not function for couple hours, how deep of a fog she is in. Is her A is better than blood ?. <hr></blockquote><p>I don't know what to say, How can a person do that? I could never totally ignore my family, and neither could my W. That is such a shame. I want you to know, I feel for you, and you are always in my thoughts and prayers.Keep your chin up, better days will come soon.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Pregnant? - she could take a kit test to check. STD ? she should go to clinic to check. Use safe sex before the test result comes out.<hr></blockquote><p>It will happen that way. Test and more tests.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Hang in there for a few more days and you are still in 'coaster until the cow come home. (animal thing from rev's farm) I am glad that OM LB'ed and W see the love in you. Print out the questionairs and work from there ... but take it easy for few days, play catch up first. <hr></blockquote><p>Hopefully, this coaster will end soon. You talk with rev too much. lol. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I recently went to the bookstore and bought 5 steps to romantic love : a workbook for readers of HNHN and LB. It has alot more in it than just the questionnaires, well, having some "spare" time at home, I copied and printed out the entire book in Ms Word. <p>First week or two, will be catching up time, talking discussing, reassuring, then we will slowly introduce the MB concepts. That is my current plan. Once we get some $$$ around here, I am going to ask W if she would like to do C with the Harleys, we'll see what she says.<p>Forgot to add one thing yesterday, OM wont let W read HNHN, she said she's tried to read it, and every time he takes it away from her. WTF is that about? (Scacerd she might "learn" what she needs? Bad news buddy, she has figured it out on her own.)<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Torizo ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Torizo:
<strong>.... Once we get some $$$ around here, I am going to ask W if she would like to do C with the Harleys, we'll see what she says.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Actually you could do MB by yourself, it is no brainer and try it for a few weeks and see if you are stuck somewhere before spending $$. Save your $$ for MB seminars, do it as part of getaway weekend in Florida or somewhere nice [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Actually you could do MB by yourself, it is no brainer and try it for a few weeks and see if you are stuck somewhere before spending $$. <hr></blockquote><p>We are going to try on our own, but W doesn't think we can, so if we run into things we can't handle or can't deal with, then I'll call the Harleys. (guess I should have specified that)<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Save your $$ for MB seminars, do it as part of getaway weekend in Florida or somewhere nice . <hr></blockquote><p>It would be great to go to one, W and I would definately enjoy, going to Fl, or somewhere. Just to get awy from all of OH, just for a weekend.<p>BTW - In less than 24 Hours OM is going back to NY for good. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I can't wait for him to leave, now maybe W and I can work on this M. My goals: To satisfy all of W needs based on MB logic. To Live our M by the MB way. To make our M more "Godly" (Going to church, living M His way, ect.) and To ultimately make our M 100% better than it was before A.<p>I think those are attainable goals.<p>W mentioned to me, she wants us to go back to how we were in the beginning of our relationship, (dating, me paying total attention to her, essentially worshipping her like I used to.) she says she was happy then ,and wants to be happy like that again. I think using MB logic, I can meet her needs, and make her as happy, if not happier than she was. What do you think? Worthy goals? <p>It is DEFINATELY worth it to me to try my best.

T,<p>....worthy goals would be both of you treating the other right. Not one sided. You should not be worshipping her. You and her should work together and compliment her. She is not your queen and you her slave. <p>To attain lasting happiness means to put the others interests ahead of our own. Providing those interests are for the well fare of your family. That would prevent selfish acts. <p>I hope this works out for the both of you. I am glad the OM will be gone soon, he sounds like nothing but trouble. <p>Take care,
L.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> worthy goals would be both of you treating the other right. Not one sided. You should not be worshipping her. You and her should work together and compliment her. She is not your queen and you her slave. <p>To attain lasting happiness means to put the others interests ahead of our own. Providing those interests are for the well fare of your family. That would prevent selfish acts.
<hr></blockquote><p>I can only comment on my goals at this point, We still have much to discuss, and therefore I cannot "assume" any goal of her.<p>I do worship her like a queen, but I am not a slave to her, I think of us as equals 50/50 in this M, But I love her to the point of worshipping her.(not literally of course) Just, I like to but her things now and then, and I try to put her feeling ahead of mine, but now I see, it has to be 50/50 (Eg POJA).<p>She still wants a "family" and I do as well, but that will come in time, I want to be the "best" husband and someday the "best" father I can be.<p>I think our big problem is when we first got together, I spoiled her, I mean I bought her anything and everything I could, and she still carries that somewhat to this day. (She said OM even commented on it)and sometimes it is a problem, but she understands that if we have no extra $$$ we have no extra $$$.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> hope this works out for the both of you. I am glad the OM will be gone soon, he sounds like nothing but trouble. <hr></blockquote><p>I hope so too O, I hope so too... Only time will tell. and hopefully in a week or two, she might start posting, I think it would be a great help to her.(As long as she doesn't read my post. lol.)<p>I am counting the hours til' he leaves.<p>God bless.<p>P.s. - If everthing else isn't bad enough, OM aske W to marry him. Can you F*&%ing believe that? (W of course told him no.) Is he insane?<p>[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: Torizo ]</p>

Torizo,
I ditto Orchid ... equal half not a better half. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]