We are doing ok. Job search is still on, not too bad on cash though, Unemployment check came, first three weeks. so we are ok on cash, interview on monday, at a cable tv installation company.<p>Update : Yesterday, we went to dinner and saw LotR, she liked it, and she spent the night again (no SF [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] )W decided this morning to stay here permanently, no more staying at friend's house.
She is on her way now to pick up clothes and tell her friend.(Talk about trust, she has car and is by herself. She said she neede some "alone" time, So I will trust her) and we are going to pick up the rest of her stuff next week.<p>She is having a hard time though, and I'm trying to be here for her. She can't get OM out of her thoughts, and she has this NEED to call OM and hear his voice as well as tell him she's fine and find out how he is. But so far she hasn't contacted him.For which I'm proud of her.<p>We discussed going to the doctors for anti-deps, and I told her if she feels she needs them, we will get them.(Still undecided)<p>I'm hanging on, though sometimes it's hard, I want to make this work, and intend to do so.<p>LB Free for this entire week!!!<p>Advice / Suggestions ?<p>BTW - What is going on with everone else?

Hi T,<p>It sure is good to hear that things are looking up!! You are doing a great job. Its funny how easy it gets to not LB. After awhile it seems to be automatic. <p>I'll be prayin for ya...<p>SH

Torizo,<p>Get the ADD anyway, just incase. She could decide later if she want to take it but be ready. Be patience, there are more peaks and valleys of "missing OM". It will get easier w/ time and ADD will help during the peak. However, get busy ... do thing together and don't idle at home. Go to Rock 'N Roll Hall of fame, go to Museum at University Cicle, go and spend time together.<p>Nothing much on my M, still in limbo. I will have to talk to SH next Thursday, lots of questions about MB. I am reading olgjmj's post ... wow !!! Talking about fog and she is still in it and posting @gloryb. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] .

Still hanging on...<p>W received two cards from OM yeserday @ friend's house. I think it helped her, at least she knows OM is OK, He is staying with his mom right now, so he has someone to talk to, and someone to help him through this.<p>We are doing ok, she still misses him, but she is better today than the last.<p>We are spending the day @ home, and later going grocery shopping.<p>W is starting to "let me in" more and more, and I feel our intamacy is beginning to be rebuilt.There is a small trust issue, and I'm surprised at how much I do trust her, But I believe she is telling the truth when I ask her things.I do not know if her LB$ is open, but I think it's becoming open, she is starting to smile, and I think she is shocked by the amount of affection I'm trying to show her.<p>Our journey is just beginning, but it is starting out in the right direction. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear T and Mrs T, <p>I don't want to say LW anymore, hope that's ok. I like Mrs. T better!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You make my heart happy today. I am glad to see progress. Don't take large leaps just small steps. Remember slo and steady!!! <p>One of the things about a marriage which shows it is more than just a piece of paper is the relationship or bond that does exist. Many lose sight of that bond and only see it surface in difficult times. You have both seen that happen in your lives and many others (MB is a real eye opener in that regard). <p>Can the bond be broken? Yes it can but it is not as easy as just having an A. I hope you both find that out soon. Whether you have children or not the marriage bond is there and real. In fact the Bible says that when God is in a marriage it is like a 3 fold cord, one that is not easily broken. Lots of sound counsel/advice in the Bible. Wish more of us would take it to heart. <p>Hope you both have a nice weekend. <p>Hugz to you both. <p>L.

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been on in awhile, just keeping busy with W.<p>We are doing OK, W still goes through missing OM, but It seems like it's getting easier for her. No contact that I know of,(W is being totally honest with me) Very few LB, and now rapidly depositing LB$. I asked her if I am meeting all of her needs, and she said yes, there is nothing she would change.(Though she fears in 6-12 months, we will be back to how we were before A) I don't think so. and she is meeting 90% of my needs. <p>Update on job : Classroom training for cable installation starting monday, week after Cable tv tech.<p>How is everone else doing?<p>Thank you to all who have helped us to this point, I am eternally grateful to you.

Torizo,<p>Honestly, I was actually worry everytime I saw this thread get updated ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . I would say ... T could be in trouble. Now I am gald to see both of you starting nicely in withdrawal. Once OM is distance memory, your recovery will be in high gear.<p>I didn't see your post about accepting the job. Did you get hire ? ...<p>In general, I do not know how I could keep going but I am fine (denial, acceptance, settleing ??). Next 2 weeks will be a slow weeks for me in MB, I do not want my WW know that I am still posting in MB. She says she will be home more, we are stuck with one car. Either way I am ready, she is in control and wonder how OM will LB'ed.<p>Hang in there T, your M will only get better. Hang out w/ your mrs. T (24x7), we will be fine, there are a lot of support in here.

About the job, Telecom. Company called this morning (Had interview on monday) Asked me if I was still interested in the job, I told them yes, and they said for me to go to classroom training on monday(2/4/02) So, It looks like I have the job(subcontractor for Adelphia communications, installing Cable TV in customers houses, as well as cable modems.)<p>Not the highest pay, but it will do for now.<p>As for me and Mrs., we are doing ok, still a little bumpy, but ok. No fights, very few LB(if any) and we are meeting each others needs.

Yeah Mr and Mrs T!!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks for giving a positive report. I am smiling now. This is a vast improvement from earlier today (Qtr end deadlines......I now know why they are called 'dead' lines - LOL!! ) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.

T,<p>Sure is good to hear that things are looking up!!
I think its true, "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16<p>Ooops [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I didn't mean to use the J word. Sorry. The book of "Matthew" was a sore spot for me. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] But I got over it... [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>SH

Hi all. Some bad news......<p>Things were going great, no LBs no arguements, meeting each others ENs. And then.....<p>Well, to make a long story short, I installed software to "keep track" of all activity on the computer(Trust issue, LB I know) And today I found out OM and W talked today(Gee, imagine that, our first day apart, because I go to work and they talk. Ironic isn't it?) and she writes him saying how she misses him and loves him, as well as wants to be there to see him, yada yada yada. So I confront W about it (BTW - She is at friend's house spending the night, she decided before I even found out) and she says she couldn't stop talking to him(Via IM) and she was caught in "a moment of weakness". <p>So I plainly told her, I know I have done all I could to save our marriage, (Including meeting ALL her needs), and if she wants to truly save our M, she will not contact him, And if she does our M WILL be over, I will NOT stand for this. She said she would write OM a "no-contact" email tomorrow (This is the 2nd one) when she gets home (With me reading it first).<p>Am I "Right" or "wrong" in thinking the way I do?<p>What do you all think?

T, <p>It's been awhile my friend. I thought that no news was good news. It sounds like you have been doing good. Don't let this bump in the road completly derail all your progress. I think its good that she understands what she did was a mistake. It also sounds like she knows that she is doing the right thing by rewriting the no contact letter. I think you should tell her that you understand how she feels and this is not easy for her. She is still going through withdrawls, be patiant with her. Continue to show her love and make her feel good when she is home with you. You are still in plan A. Hang tight.<p>SH

Torizo,
You do the right thing. If W doesn't do it then you have to go to plan B, otherwise you are in plan A. There is a diferent between being a doormat and doing plan A. Boundry that agreed upon should not be crossed. You were a doormat before since there is no agreement between you two. This time is different, it is a boundry that you two set. Sorry to hear this but as long as she is willing to work on her weakness it should be fine. Get the med. for her to help her out. Her withdrawal clock is back to zero.
Get her to post to her thread ... there are many WS will be able to help her out.<p>Hang in there T.

T,<p>I remember when we were in the begining stages of recovery, her w/drawl took some time. Also she to slipped a couple of times in the begining, this is why I said to be patiant with her. This is not at all easy for her as I am sure you know. As time went on it did get to the point were she could honestly say that she was over him. It also became more and more evident that what she was saying was true.
Deep down I think your wife knows that she is doing the right thing by staying with you. I also think that you can have a heart to heart talk with her and ask her to be radically honest with you from now on. Telling her that you would want to know if she is having these feelings like she is going to slip and make contact with him. Also ask her to tell you right away if he trys or does make contact with her. Talk about the what if's. Thats what we did and it helped us. Every once in a while I would bring the subject up and I would ask her if she is still holding her promise. I could hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes that she was being honest and sencere with me. <p>JMHO<p>SH

Small steps T. Remember that. The OM was and still is a strong draw. She has to see what the rest of us are already seeing. OM without the fog. <p>Regression is to be expected in recovery. You do need to show that respect is a requirement. If she needs to have contact with OM, respect for you would be with you present. I gave H that option. He took me up on it at first and now from what I know there is no contact. <p>Those first few contacts really hurt. My recovery supposedly started last April but really didn't start until Sept. Arrrghhh... never thought I'd start recovery, in fact I don't claim to have it ......yet. <p>Tell her what is important. 1 at a time. Respect is a good one to start with. <p>JMHO.
L.

T,<p>I am fairly new around here and I just wanted to let you know that I was inspired by the progress made throughout this discussion topic. I see similarities with my situation and the advice given by everyone has helped me as well. <p>IMHO, I think that there will probably be roadbumps, but don't give up. I can see that much progress has been made in your situation and I am still encouraged by your story. <p>Hang in there, I'm praying for you!!

T,
No news is good news!!!!
If you happen to pop in I would like to offer you a word of encouragement. I am so happy now in my new relationship with my wife. Its funny how God works. I look back now at what happend to us and I take a good look at who I am now compared to the man I used to be and I can't believe that I was so blind. I can't imagine returning to the old me. I am such a better person now and loving it. I know that you too will forever be a better person, a man that God had in mind in the first place.
Take good care of your dear wife now, love her and cherish her like Christ loves and charishes his church.<p> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] SH

Hello Everyone!!! It's been awhile since my last posting. Me and my W are doing GREAT!!!<p>She still thinks of OM, but not nearly as much as she used to. The quality of our M has improved dramatically since last posting.<p>New job is going good.(Cable TV Technician)<p>How is everyone else doing?<p>P.S. Thank you all for your support. I am eternally grateful (and then some) [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Torizo,<p>Good to hear from you and don't worry about us, go back to your honeymoon [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Happy to hear you get the job, glad to see good thing happens to good people. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

Greetings All. How is everyone doing? Me? Not so good...Minor Update: Just found out that W is STILL talking to OM, Online Via IM. She says she can't talk to him on the phone (hurts too much), but when she is talking online it is not as hard (or something). <p>So... Now we are trying to see eye to eye, and she has once again said she wil stay off the PC and not speak to him anymore (third time of hearing that...)<p>Any advice??????