Hello everyone...I'm new here so please bear with me. I just found out that my husband of 3 years had a one night stand when he was away on a business trip (2 months ago). He told me this himself,said(with tears in his eyes) that he thinks that he may have had sex with someone when he was really really drunk and that he doesn't really remember all the details but then when I asked him how he'd know of this,he said that he had the bad feeling when he woke up in his hotel room the day after. He could remember that he put a condom,and that he was in a taxi and a woman but that's it. I asked why this happened...what triggered it...but he said that he didn't really know for sure and that it's just plain stupidity on his part and that he felt so guilty. I can't understand how a person can have the strength to have sex and all but not remember everything or how can they just "pass-out"? Is this really possible????
It was so unreal to me...and I'm really confused and deeply hurt by this. He is a good father and a good husband that's why this doesn't make any sense at all!
My first thought was "sex"...maybe there was something wrong or missing at home...he said "no"...but he did feel the absence of "pressure" or "demand" on him when he thought about it.That ,at home he felt pressured to please me in bed(which I don't pressure him or demand)..but he puts it on himself anyway. So,now I'm wondering ...is it my fault now? Please help me...I'm so down and out...
Thank you and God bless....

Hello betrayedwife,<p>Welcome to the site. You will receive a lot of help at Marriage Builders.<p>Read all you can on the site, especially the articles, and Plan A, Emotional Needs, the Love Bank, and Love Busters. These will give you a good start, and familiarise you with the concepts discussed here.<p>May I suggest you try putting this thread on the General Questions Forum, and Emotional Needs forum. Both of those are faster moving than this page, and it will get you more answers.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Hi betrayedwife,<p>Sorry to hear you felt a need to find this site. But Welcome anyway and hopefully you will be blessed here as so many of us find ourselves supported and nourished by people who know your pain and encourage eachother - as we all are hurting.<p>What drives a person to commit adultery or any other sin is simply that we are all sinners and are weak when tempted. Of course adultery can be more painful and affect more people than a simple lie or something like that. I don't know why your h felt the need to do this unspeakable act, but i am sure that it had something to do with pride and arrogance. <p>If your h is truly sorry, repentant and wondering himself what in the world was wrong with him, there seems to me that there is hope, there is hope anyway for anything, through Christ. It sounds like you two need counseling desperately. Take charge of your marriage, guard it together so that when temptations arise, you both know that eachother is strong and able to fight off the enemy from attacks.<p>I am glad to hear that your h wore a condom. My h had a 2-3 month affair, didn't wear a condom, and now ow is almost 6 months pregnant. I really hope that he wore one, ask him again and make sure he did. This whole ordeal has been absolutely devastating to me and our marriage. we are hanging on by a thread of God's hope and grace, but when it comes to God, all you need is whatever he gives you because it is always in abundance.<p>I pray for you, sweetie, that God would comfort you and give you strength to endure this battle, He fights the battle for you, you just trust and pray daily because your marriage is under attack.
but with God, nothing is impossible.<p>God Bless,
Julia

Thank you so much for the support...I sure need one right now. Today,I spent the afternoon taking with a girlfriend. It was both reassuring and comforting to know that it wasn't all MY fault,as I'm beginning to think now. And I feel a little better...for now ,that is. My H is on a business trip again and will be back tomorrow evening. He encourages me to call him whenever I feel the depression again,so that we can talk it out and for him to calm me down a bit. It helps everytime. He says that he'd rather not drink at all since that "incident",he's terrified of the consequences. I feel like I HAVE to do something with MY LIFE after THIS...I'm in a foreign country,with no family only HIM and OUR SON..., a housewife that depends mainly ON HIM(hate that!)..I need to re-arrange my life. I got "lucky" this time ,because it wasn't a 'real' affair...that he still wants me...but what if it happens again and a one-night stand becomes an affair? I dread that day...should I prepare myself for that? Is it selfish or shrewd of me to think of myself this time????

BW,
Someone once said you are in recovery when you can see some good coming from affair.
#1 he quits drinking
#2 you jump start your life - looking out for you is not selfish -
he sounds truely sorry and willing to try to make you feel better.
You will have some bad days ahead - we are here for you.

betrayed,<p>You are in a foreign country? So was i when this all started for me. I went there for my H's job, and when he did his thing, I had no-one.<p>Of course my situation is different from yours; he had two affairs, and they were more than one night stands, but I couldn't bear it, so I came home to my country.<p>I just wanted you know know that I understand the feelings of loneliness you are having because of lack of family and friends. It feels like you are all alone, huh? <p>I am glad you found this board, and I know from experience it will help take away some of that isolation for you. Where are you, btw, and what is your home country? Don't answer of you don't want to.<p>Take care and remember we are with you.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky