I am open to whatever help/encouragement anyone out there can give...First,let me say that this is not my husband's first affair but rather his 5th...we've been married 8 years and we have 5 beautiful children. We married after meeting in our church and dated/married all under the moral standard that we believed God had for us and were so in love. After being married about 2 years, he felt guilty about a one night stand he had and promptly admitted it to me. I forgave him right away and basically every 1.5 years since then would have a short-term A and would then admit them to me, ask for forgiveness and things would seem to be smooth sailing but he'd then have another A. The 4th A was longer (one-year) and he admitted that and finally after research, we started attending a support group for sex addiction. Anyway, after I had my last child 7 months ago, things started to get busy for me because I went back to work at night and H was home at night with the kids. I sensed that his behavior towards me was changing and I kept asking him if he was having an A and he kept denying it. Whenever we'd have a fight he would tell me that "we just need to separate" and I couldn't figure why especially in light of the fact that he was denying an affair and didn't seem interested in getting counseling or attending his support group. He finally told me that he thought he wasn't meant to be married to me so we decided to do an "in-house" separation in light of our children. At any rate, I found out about the A because H and OW were communicating by email and I found out his passcode and read them. I confronted him in a wrong way (unlike Plan A which I now understand) and threw all of his things out the house and then called him really awful names and I told him I wanted a divorce. I then sent an email about the affair to his boss which did not get him fired but damaged tremendously his reputation. Since then, it has been so painful for our kids and for me and I miss my husband and while I told him I was so sorry about the way I responded, he says he still wants a divorce. I do believe that my husband has always loved me but just has chosen poor choices but his actions clearly don't reflect love. I know I need to continue to apply Plan B but I guess I just need some encouragement and support. My kids are so upset and I feel like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders right now especially in light of it being 5 days from Christmas. He has chosen this other woman over his family (my kids are ages 7, 5, 3, 2 & 7 months) and it hurts so much. I don't know what to do or pray for or even if I should wait for my husband to come around. Can anyone out there just pray for me? Thankfully, I have a lot of support at my church and family, but at the same time, I've very embarrassed by my situation (although I know I shouldn't be).<p>I would like to reconcile but I don't think (by his response to me and the fear of really letting go and moving on) that we ever will. I believe my H needs individual counseling because of some emotional issues during his childhood but his behavior has been unacceptable and despicable. Does this sound like a sexual addiction to anyone out there or just a man who truly chooses not to be faithful because he either married the wrong person (me) or just because as my family tells me, "every man will cheat if they can get away with it"?<p>Help and any response you have is greatly appreciated.

4me&my5,<p>Welcome to MB. I assume you have read the info. in this web site. You should not be ashamed of your situation that your H has created, he should be with his actions of continuing A. Even in MB we have to expose A and don't kick for yourself about what you have done. In plan A, you should not even appologize, what did he expect ?. Did he think about the consequence before doing A ?. You have to learn how to speak fogese, go down to H level and get away with it.<p>You have to see if this M worth saving or not. No one could answer it for you. MB will force you to make that decision after plan B but you have done your best. It will force you to do selfreflection and also, very frightening, to find out that M is worth saving or not.<p>We are all capable of A but we choose not to and protect our weakness. You might have to help your H to protect his weakness.<p>Concentrate on your plan A, regardless what H says. By plan A doesn't mean you becomes doormat. You have to lean the lingo. I told my WW "Do what you like, you know my position is, hope you find me here when you run out of your space". I can not stop my WW, at the top of her A, I let her go then work on plan A. 2 1/2 mo. passed, she has not even file yet. Talking about Dv is stopped. A still full progress but I will make her choose later after I am done with her issue(s).<p>Pray and let your H & his A in the hand of God. Ask HIM to give you strength to survive this storm, you will need it to ride the 'coaster.<p>God bless you.

Hi, Red Hat - <p>Thank you so much for responding. I really, really appreciated your advice and input. I will continue to pray because it has been a rollercoaster. I do believe, to answer your question, that my marriage is worth saving. I believe God can "restore what the locusts have eaten" but at the same time, I want complete healing for my marriage and before we reconcile, I'd like to see signs that my husband is willing to get the proper help (MB)and completely rid himself of his EA and PA.<p>Since he is currently living with his mother (and seeing the OW when he doesn't have our children, do you think I should ask him to come back home (at least during the evenings while I go to work so that he can be with the kids?) I don't want to seem "desperate" but somehow I feel our total disconnection physically is making it easier for him to continue in his A. Or should I continue my Plan A from a distance?<p>Thanks for your additional help.