I have been reading all the notes and it is amazing how similar our feelings are. My wife of 10 years (and 3 kids) cries on the shoulder of a man that is seperated and it turned out to be a recipe for disaster. Before I knew of the affair she told me "I Love You, But I am not in love with you". That turned on the switch and I have been pouring on the affection on ever since. That started the guilt for her and she admitted the affair. That was seven days ago. I am stuck in this mode of doing everything I can, she even told me to back off that I was smothering her. She has been such a giving person all this time it is hard to understand this "taker" I got living with me right now. So she tells me about how I would like him and how good he is. I get it in my head if he has any integrity at all he would back off because I am committed to saving this thing. I get his work number off our redial on our phone. I held it for 3 days trying to decide what to do. I finally called him. He was cordial. He told me that "I just want her to be happy". He asked me what I wanted him to do and I told him to "give us 6 months to try and work it out." He actually agreed! I wished him good luck with his own marriage and hung up. Five minutes later I got a call from my WS (I got to use one), he had called her as soon as I hung up but didn't tell her what I wanted. So much for integrity. Now I wonder if I made the right move, atleast I know what he wants . He actually tried to convince me that I would probably never get over the fact that she cheated on me in the first place. Anyway, good move? I am considering talking to his wife to find out what happened between them. Good move? Sitting here waiting is not my style, I got it in my head that we can not repair anything until he is gone. In the meantime I am in Plan A mode.<p>God Bless all of you you have helped me tremendously, <p>Jeff

Jeff:
I think now I have heard it all. Your wife admits to you seven days ago that she is having an affair with this man and tells you how you would like him and how good he is? What an amazing statement. How did you hold it together? He sounds like such a good man that enjoys sleeping with a married woman and trying to break up a marriage. This comment by your wife just floors me. How could she not understand how painful and ridiculous a comment this is.
I think it would make sense to contact his separated wife and get some information about
"Mr. Perfect" so you can use it against him.<p>I hope you can get your wife into marriage counseling immediately. In addition, find out if she used protection. Otherwise you both need to be tested. I get this feeling that this may not be the first time Mr. Perfect has played around. I wish you luck.

Jeff. I don't often reply to the posts that I read but yours seem very close to mine. You must get her to leave this Sh_T before the damage is done. It seems to me there is already damage. This man is breaking up your family and your wife should realize that. Find his wife and try to get some information on him. Start getting ready to protect yourself legaly "Do that now". Plan A does not work if there is another involved. Give her some space but also read Tough Love. Sometimes plan A make the BS a doormat so beware of that. Where do they meet, do they work together?. It must come to an end. By bringing it out in the open you acelerate the end of the relationship. If she is selling you on this guy then you need to get ready. She is in a major fog. You have 3 children , get yourself a veery good attorney and get ready.

Jeff. DO NOT CALL HIM AGAIN ! He is not your friend. Read tough love.

Jeff,
Do not obsess w/ WW's A or OM. Please stay away from it, work on your plan A. Spend your energy to do it.