I caught my husband in a hotel room with one of my coworkers. The anger felt at 4 am, I can still feel today. This happened back in April of 2000. I feel hurt and angry everytime I can't reach him, and wonder who he is with this time? He said it was a one night, one time fling, and blames alcohol because they were both drunk. He said he doesn't remember anything that even happened. Said he was too drunk to remember, but that he is sorry. Yet he was able to drive his way there and pay for the room. I have tried to forgive over that past year and a half, but I know I have definately not forgotten. I can picture both of them in the bed like it was yesterday. There are some days since then where I would like to get on a plane and keep going, and other days I am willing to stay and work at this relationship. WE no longer frequent the tavern and our friends? that this tramp is from. I can't stand the fact that people watched them leave together. <p>My husband joined AA that night and not has drank since as far as I know. The lies before this were too numerous to count, he said he was covering up his drinking problem. And, I will say he was quite often hammered. I was with him earlier that night before this happened, but went home because I was feeling ill. He said he was leaving right behind me. That never happened. I woke up at 4 am and he wasn't home. I got in my car and started looking for him. I tried his phone and pager-- no answer. I found his truck outside a local hotel, found out the room number, and broke the door down. I could have physically hurt both, but refrained because I had children , me in jail wasn't worth it.<p>He feels because I am still here, everything is ok. Well, it's not. I still feel hurt, and everytime he is late, or doesn't call, I just get a sick feeling in my stomach. Our sex life was terrible, but has gotten better, but on the most part, I have a very hard time remaining focused on the present, and not what occured that night while we are making love. I have had calls from strangers saying not to believe him, He said it people just trying to make trouble and to believe him. But after all the lies and deceit, I don't know who to believe. <p>I am afraid to trust him after all that has happened. I know time does heal all wounds, but is he the salt that keeps feeding the wound he opened? I can use any suggestions you may have. I can't continue this charade like everything is okay when it is not.

I feel your pain, our situations are sort of similar but I didnt catch mine in the act.The questions is how can you go on. Why should we have to live with someone you just cant trust, but then again how can you leave when there are kids involved. Now every chance my husband get he is tryin to tell me his every move, but why did it have to take someting like that to happen in order to do that.

OH<p>Time does heal, but not all roads lead to a sound recovery and an affair proof marriage. In fact deep resentment can linger forever if not dealt with. You have found the right place to find the things that can heal the remaining scars. In your case we can hopefully assume the affair is not a current issue, but that doesn't heal the root of the problem the reason for the A in the first place and the pain and well placed mistrust that follows. To heal that you need a good recovery plan in comjunction with the affore mentioned time.<p>Have you read Surviving An Affair yet? Or his Needs Her Needs, or Lovebusters? I have an entire Harley collection now in fact... lol, and I highly recommend them all to you. Also do you guys have a good marriage counselor?<p>The initial steps are there, now it's time to work on the rest, affair proffing your marriage and making it stronger than before. You're at the right place, though you might want to think abot posting in Recovery or in General Questions 2 where there are more people. Keep reading, and keep posting!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]