I found out 3 weeks ago my husband was having an email affair with another women since August. I found pics they exchanged to each other and 3 months worth of Instant Messages "IM" they've been sending each other proclaiming the love they have for each other. When I told him I found the files he told me he was in love with this woman and wasn't sure if he still loved me. We've only been married for two years and I thought we were still madly in love with each other. Even though my husband has told me he is very much in love with this other women he has agreed to marriage counseling. We have gone to two sessions. Last Friday I found a email he sent to her still confirming his love for her. I am very lost and still very much in love with my husband. Because I was able to read just about every word they exchanged I feel there is no way my husband will leave her. He has told me more than once that he can't leave her that their love is too deep.<p>[ December 26, 2001: Message edited by: sadwiffy ]</p>

I know what you are going thru, my H had an e-mail affair starting in june. He met her in Aug, contrived a huge lie about a trip and where he was going. I found some info before he left, but was still too believing of him and didn't think he would ever do that to me. I found out a week after he came back and he assured me it was over, wasn't going to see her again and we went to a counselor but I could tell something wasn't right. I finally got nosey and checked his e-mail addresses, secret ones and found out he was planning on leaving me and she was moving from another city quite far away to be together. They had actually met several times since then and the weekend before d-day he went to see her. Also she found a job here and apt. to move in with him. After he was gone for a wk. I asked him what he really wanted, If he wanted to lose me forever and he said no. He was a wreck and broke it off with her, it's been 2 wks now and he is going thru WD, but is acting much better towards me. So, please don't give up hope. I don't think they really know what they want and it's a horrible thing to live thru, but things can change. Just keep reading thru these and get the books, they really help to know what they're going thru. They think they are so unique and what they have is so special, if they could only realize how much they can lose. Keep looking up, pray, it does help.

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm hanging in there. My H thinks this is so special since he fell in love without touching or seeing her. We made it through Christmas. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying so hard that I will smother him. He has told me he is very sorry but he can't help his feelings.

Somebody once quoted here, "boys are kept by their feelings, Men are kept by their committments."<p>sorry gotta run, hang in there.
Julia<p>Keep praying, God is on YOUR side.

Hopefully he will never meet her, I think it would hurt as much either way. It hurts just as much when you know they are sharing a part of themselves with someone else, emotionally or physically. I hope your counseling goes ok and he'll end it before he's too involved, it would be better for him too. My H almost had a breakdown and could hardly function for a few days. Take care.

Sorry to intrude on your post, but it's easy to fall in love if you have never met the person, because you only see their "good" qualities, but you don't see their bad qualities, it is a "fantasy", but remember this, once the "real-world" sets in, the fantasy can't continue.<p>I'm waiting for my W fantasy to end, so we can work on our M.<p>Only Time can fix things...Time and God.

Oh boy, the e-mail contact is dangerous. Yep, my met the plague of my life on the internet. We tell our kids don't talk to strangers and look what our spouses do. <p>Real love over the internet? Well, only after real courtship. Marry sight unseen? Been done before (picture bride stuff) but not while breaking a marrriage. My H went out there and found his 'soul mate'. Hm.... seems this soul mate was dumped by her H. He had sex with her and they proclaimed their love for each other and he never even knew her real name!! I fact I learned her name before he did! <p>This crazy OW (let's call her Mrs. Psyco Babble Rabbit) even claimed to be prego without revealing her name or address. Well after 1 year of this nonsense, he is not with her but she is still out there trying to get him back. dumb bunny. A lot of lying and crying later, this ws realized he made a big mistake. Now he wonders if he is worthy enough to have his family back. <p>After trying to plan a and receiving much grief, I told him if she is such a great catch (which she is not), then he just needed to go and run after her before some other poor sucker catches her. Well he ran but the other way....back home! <p>So it is possible for them to babble about falling in love on the internet. This is an EA big time. All the fantasies go into motion. Then they can PA and YUCK see the imperfections but by that time they could be hooked. I had the unpleasant experience of having to view a pix the OW sent to the WS (at the time), the 2 of them having s3x. Just body parts, no faces. So it could have been anyone but ws knew it was him...... she was just glorifying it. Double/triple yuck. This broad is so blantantly gross that she thinks she is good looking (WS keeps saying she is not). Guess he won't tell her that. Anyway, you gotta burst their bubble but sometimes that means they go the A all the way. That is hard to handle but the EA is actually worse. <p>L.

My H and I were up all night talking. He told me OW broke up her relationship with her boyfriend of two years after her boyfriend proposed to her Christmas morning. OW told her boyfriend she loved my H. <p>Since everything is out in the open now, H and OW feel they can finally be together. H wants to be with her only. I'm trying to be there for him because I still love him and don't want to lose what little love deposits that are in the Love Bank but on the other hand I feel I need to take some control over my life (particularly my finances). I feel everytime I start thinking about my finances I'm cementing our separation. How do you say I love you but I'm taking the house? Or should I not be going there?<p>[ December 27, 2001: Message edited by: sadwiffy ]</p>

Talk to a lawyer and counselor to get advice. You don't have to do anything just know your options. It is much better to be prepared because you never know the extent the OW has influence on your H. OWs with strong influences set their sights on the money part right away. Protect your assets. You are not cementing anything. Your H when he is out of the fog will understand why you need to protect those family assets. <p>Until then he may turn on you and take everything away. While it may not be that drastic it could be within a moments notice. Right now there is another MBer out there that has been rendered homeless by her H who makes a lot of money. He kicked her out of her home and won't let her back in to collect her things. She now has to go to the police for assistance. This story has been played up and down many times so it is better to be prepared. <p>I don't mean to panic you and if measures don't get that drastic you should count your blessing but better safe than sorry. Right? <p>Take Care,
L.

For the past two years my H has had full control of our money. Before we married he was $15k+ in debt. We bought a house with the few thousand dollars I had set aside. The house now has $100k in equity so we refi'd last September. Last October I encouraged my H to use some of the $ to get rid of the $15K debt. Of course I didn't know H was in the midst of an affair and was going to leave me for her. I also just found out OW works for a bank and probably knows more about my finances then I do.<p>Lesson learned. I'm not walking to a lawyer. I'm running.

Hi, <p>How are you doing?<p>L.

Oh Sadwiffy ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
My H also had several EAs through email and chats and a longer term EA (off/on over 8 years) "They were just friends-----yeah, right....that turned PA this last March. He was signing his emails with XOXOXOXOXOXO for a long time. He told me OW was "so deeply in love with him"...he also told me for years that she was a lesbian and when I tried confronting him several times he said : "M, she prefers women"....didn't stop her from doing it with him though, huh?
The point is, if he hasn't ever met her yet, and even if he has briefly....its been a total fantasy......all based on lies. He really doesn't know anything REAL about this woman, only what she has wanted him to know. Fantasy is fun, exciting......-the proverbial fake soul-mate type stuff.....but real life...that's something different. She hasn't had time to LB thus far. So, you read about PLAN A and implement it as best you can. There was a reason why he married YOU. That's not gone, maybe just needs to be dusted off a bit? Get your funnest pictures out. See if he will fill out emotional needs questionaire and go from there.
Good luck...let us know how you do....come back and vent here instead of lamblasting your H with your frustrations. He is in the Fog and it sounds like its thick as pea soup.
Orchid and others here always good advice. This place can give you a sanctuary of sanity.<p>Mikkey