Thought I would write a 3 month synopsis of my roller-coaster ride from hell for all you newbies to show you that you can make it through this.<p>Its been 91 days (but whose counting) since DDay. I knew about a month prior from an intercepted e-mail that something was up. I confronted W about what I found, she denied it, said it was just 'fun talk' between her and BF (WS and OM set up an ICQ account using BF's name). The stuff hit the fan when OM's W called me about another email she found between the two. I confronted W again, she finally admitted to an EA, a few days later OM's W came to me and said OM admitted that it was a PA. I confronted W again and more of the gory details came out. And to make it worse, OM is our neighbor, and our kids are best friends.<p>Needless to say, I was a complete wreck. W left me and the kids for 10 days after DDay, rarely talked to anyone, even the kids, so I had to stay home, keep my composure and lie to the kids about why mommy was ignoring them. W came back but things at home were tense, I started to become delusional and went on AD's. We filed separation papers and I moved out of the house for two weeks. I came back home and have been sleeping on the couch ever since. From what I have read it seems that W had a 'classic' A and is experiencing the usual symptons of denial and withdrawal.<p>A few days after DDay I found MB, read the material and began posting. I have to thank Who, Pops, Julia, Stillhurts and all the others who helped me through those first weeks and gave me the courage, support and a few well placed kicks in the a** to continue on. Since DDay I have done some serious self-reflection and examination and know where I went wrong in the M. I am guilty of ignoring W's EN's and placing work and the kids before her. I can understand why she was unhappy in the M but do not condone her going outside the M to have her needs met. I have seen many of my shortcomings and am working very hard to overcome them. I have read HNHN's, SAA and many other books on infidelity and think I have a pretty good grasp on why A's happen and how to build a marriage that is A-proof. Knowledge is power and the more you understand the dynamics of an A, the better you are prepared to deal with it, or to keep it from happening.<p>I tried what I thought was Plan A at first but only succeded in driving W further away. I didn't understand at the time that Plan A was about changing me, not W. I have also realized that I can not control W, only the way I act and react to what happens. I have done some serious LB's and have even threatened to move out and divorce W a couple of times. But, fortunately, I remember about how much I love W, what MB is all about and got myself under control. This has by far been the worst experience of my life but I have done a lot of emotional, mental and spiritual growth. I am (was) a conflict avoider and really didn't think I would make it this far, but I have and know that I am a much better person because of it.<p>So for all you newbies, there is hope, because if a hard-headed, thick-skinned, stubborn as a mule, unwilling-to-change person like me can do it, so can you! You are going to have to fight for your M, I mean clawing, biting and scratching kinda fighting, not with WS or OM, but within yourself. BS's are guilty of creating half of the environment that led to the A and the changes that you make have to come from within. You are going to have to really want those changes as well. Take this time to focus on you, make yourself a better person and the rest will fall into place. Post, read and vent here, everyone on these boards are after the same end result, we can all learn from each other. <p>Trust in God and give all your problems to Him because He is the only one who can take care of them.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
