16 days since D-day and we had our first joint session with MC. What a gut wrenching, pride swallowing experience. She strayed because her EN's werent being met after 10 yrs marriage. I realize that now from "Five Love Languages", and "His Needs Her Needs", and from all the postings on this site. I consider myself a novice on the basic concepts, have read them several times. I feel like I understand why the A happened so I dont feel that angry about it. I want to get on with making her happy because I love her and that is what I am supposed to do. Any attempt by me to fulfill her EN's at this point she feels is contrived or fake and it is actually making her angry. We did an exercise of communication were she tells me something and then I interpret what she says. She explained how her EN's werent being met and how I had not existed at all on an emotional level until D-day. I interpreted all that pretty well but included that I was ready to try to be there for her and thats when the hammer fell "You are assuming that, I am not sure that I want you to be the one to satisfy my EN's". She has actually considered life without me in it. I had not considered that much before, but it is a hard reality now. She admits she is in love with OM. Now its my turn. My story is that I am doing things for her now not to fulfill her EN's as much as to show how much she and our marriage means to me. To give her the time and space to figure this out. She interprets me well but adds how the attention now is just making her angry. Two strikes so far. The last topic of the day is space. My WS would like some time to figure things out in her head and would like space to do that. She talked of one of us moving out. The MC asked what I thought about that and I said "NO WAY" I explained what a burden it is on one to take care of everything at thome with 3 kids, etc. I also explained that I want to be there to show what kind of person I could be. Wrong answer, I did not take her feelings or suggestion into consideration at all. I am thinking strike three. Its a strange experience to be so submissive, I admitted I was wrong and said I would help work out the logistics of a compromise. Instead of moving out I suggested I could make myself scarce a few nights a week. It ended at that. I got to keep reminding myself that this takes time, and I am trying my hardest not to LB in this critical stage but %^*(##%@# is it hard. That is why I post. Most of you are ahead of me, some are real close. I learn from you all. I vent here and not on her, hope you dont mind. Still trying to figure out what angle the MC is coming from. My first impression is that she is going to help us with our communication but not sure if she has a plan for saving our marriage.<p>Jeff
