My wife and I have been having serious problems for a month now, starting with her saying she was unhappy, then that she was unhappy for the past year, and that she loved me, just not "in-love" with me. She was wanting a divorce ASAP as of a couple days ago, now she has had a slight change of mind. I found out she was having an affair (she finally told me), and she said she didn't feel like living anymore, as she had betrayed me and her son. (2 yrs. old) I am giving her another chance, as everyone seems to agree, if she was getting what she needed at home, she wouldn't have went there. She did mention that she had been depressed this past year, and that had a lot to do with it. Here are my questions: The night I took her back, it was like we were "dating" again. She would hug me, kiss me, and tell me that she had missed me (and that she loved me). And last nite was the same way. Today she tells me she misses him, and she can't stop thinking about him. I gave her some conditions for me to take her back, like she would have ZERO contact with him, and I would need to know where she was, where she was going, and when she would be home. I think the whole trust issue has me confused, but I suppose that comes back in time? We have been married almost 3 years, and she's known him for a month, can she be in love with him? Or is this rnormal, and will fade in time? I don't understand how things can ever be mended, if he's always on her mind? Please shed some light on this.

First, I'm so sorry for your pain. <p>Second, it sounds like where your wife is right now is pretty normal. At least she is willing to give the marriage a try, but it does take a while for her to grieve the loss of the affair, and the dream it represented. Right now she is in withdrawal from OM...that's OK, if she stays away from him, that will fade and your efforts will begin to bear more fruit.<p>Read all the articles on the homepage here on infidelity. And this post has some good links to read.<p>www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000553<p>Good luck--<p>Kathi

Gee waht you are going through sounds sooooo familiar. The depression, the OM, the missing me and so on. The only difference is that there has been no admission of an on going or past affair. Makes me wonder how real my W is being with me. I know that she has been over to the OM's home "alone" w/ him studying for a profesional test. She talks about him all the time and not willing to leave him out of our conversations. She has told me that she thinks it is good that if I get jealous. I just can help but feel that there is much more than she is telling me to all of this. <p>I guess thta time will tell all. But I don't like the deception (if there is any). I want to trust her but the questions still come.

I understand your hurt. But you have a great opportunity here. What you have is what a lot of us are hoping for. Our WS re-committing to the M. Consider this your wake up call to meet her EN's. The links to "How to Survive Infidelity" on this site are excellent, read everything. Also try the book "How to Survive an Affair" you can gain sime insight to what she is going through. Support her, be her friend, she is sad, she feels the loss, talk, talk, talk, listen,listen, listen is the best advice I have gotten from anybody. If you want a timetable, I believe I read that it takes 4-6 weeks of no contact for the feelings she has to diminish. I am sure I will be corrected if I am wrong. I am certainly no expert, this is how people have advised me and I have been reading my butt off. What the hell I cant sleep anyway. Hope this helps, good luck<p>Jeff

C, I have to say, you have the oppertunity to work it out, Your W at least wants to try. So by all means Go for it. It will be a long and hard road, but the benefits to it are excellent, Better M, and Bettering yourself while you are at it. If you haven't read them, then I suggest reading Surviving an Affair, and His needs, Her needs. Start with SAA first IMHO it will help you out at your present stage.<p>I wish you luck my friend.<p>God Bless.