After discovering MB on Xmas eve I can truly say that so many things are beginning to make sense to me.<p>WS is now living with OW and 2DD is spending festive season with them. WS took OW to introduce to his family. This really hurts. I feel that I am being cut out of everything.<p>I have decided to change my attitude towards WS and start LB him. Read through BC and all other articles concerning EN.<p>Finding it difficult to obtain SAA, HN/HN and other books in our country, so I am depending a lot on MB website.<p>Took my first small step with Plan A in LB. I phoned DD and OW answered DD's cell phone asked very politely to speak to DD's. First time ever since D-Day that I did not scream or shout at OW. Spoke to DD's and D 2yo gave phone to WS in very friendly manner asked him how he was. WS was quite shocked.<p>As I am fairly new to MB I am devouring all articles but I need more advise on implementing Plan A from those who have been applying it for some time.<p>Because of WS, A, I feel that I was also in a complete fog since D-day in July 01. Saw for the first time what a mess my house was in and started cleaning it. <p>Read article on how Infidelity affects the children feel like posting it to WS anonomously, do you think I should do this?<p>WS have a very strong bond with DD's and is very much afraid that I will keep DD'S away from him.
Promised that I would not do this and I am keeping that promise as I feel that through this bond there might eventually be possibility of reconciliation. OW's children living with exH.
I feel that this is the weak link in the A because WS loves children.<p>Please give me advise on all this?

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>

I also want to add that even though I am in the States, and could've gotten my books through my local bookstore, I bought them through this web site for cheaper, and got them really fast, I recommend the online ordering.<p>You're on the right track! Keep up the good work, and God bless! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

By the way- LB stands for Love Buster- a thing you want to avoid, but I'm sure you meant something different and know that, don't worry about it, just wanted to help you understand the world of acoronyms here. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I have peen phoning my DD's who is with WS and OW everyday, this is the first time that my DD's has been away from me for such a long period. I miss them terribly.<p>In my state of confusion I reasoned that seeing OW has only spend time with WS since A started and the A is based on restuarants, hotels and entertainment and travelling this would be a eye opener for her to see the strong bond that WS spouse have with the DD's. <p>OW is tolerating children and WS is spending all the time with them. D said OW wanted to go to restuarant without children and WS said he could not leave DD's alone and she was not happy. DD's 10yo and 2yo.<p>Because she had WS spouse all to herself since A I get the feeling that this holiday arrangement is getting to her. When phoning DD's, WS is always alone with them at beach or theatre.
OW, exH have custody of her children.<p>WS's reaction to me is still very cold and since he left in Oct 01 there has been very little contact between the two of us. I've also noticed that when there was amicable contact between myself and WS re- discussing finances and children, OW would phone back and leave threatening messages. I changed all my telephone numbers.<p>WS spouse is busy selling off fixed assets to finance his life style of maintaining two households now. Because I am in Plan A and have changed my attitude I am confused whether to freeze all assets which would set us right back to conflict again. Which will also confuse WS spouse as he keeps on saying that everyday I am a different person and at this moment I am trying to get my roller-coaster emotions under control for him to see the change in me.<p>On positive note - WS spouse told friends that I was looking very good. Lost a lot of weight and looking like 13 years ago. Has also contacted old friends and starting to go out again.<p>I have set a time limit on Plan A for three months and then I will review the situation again.

GinnyF:
I just wanted to reply to your thread, as well, as I am in similar situation, although we have no children.<p>Your children could be the best "wake-up call" in your situation possible, cause OW would have to admit that she will always share your H with them! This is good! How long will they be with him?<p>You are doing fine, honey. Don't worry about his A. It has to "run its course" and as I said, the children are an added bonus for you! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Continue to Plan A. I have to Plan A from distance, as WH lives w/ow 200 miles away from me, and there would be absolutely NO contact if I did not contact him. I phone ONCE IN AWHILE - those calls are, as you say, somewhat distant and cool, although better lately - could A be "on its last legs?" I mostly write letters and cards, always light, pleasant, how things are at home, etc. PLAN A WORKS!! There are quite a few on here who can attest to that.<p>There is a lot more posting done on GQII, so you might want to move to there. It sounds like you are getting good advice from others here, as well as the website. I read and printed EVERYTHING from there when I got here! IT helps to know you are not alone.<p>We are all here with you. <p>God Bless,

Thanks Lupolady<p>You have given me a great idea sending cards, notes etc regarding progress of children and whatever happens to them during. I apologized to WS for aggressive and angry behaviour on Saturday and since then I actually noticed a slight change in attitude. Even though daughter have her own cell phone, if she is not available I phone on his phone always asking "How are you" --Fine--
but got a response today asking me how I was.<p>I will keep on initiating communication through my children and will keep on keeping him informed with their progress.<p>Thanks

Keep up the good work Ginny. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi NY<p>I've read trueheart's letter to WS do you think
it will be a good idea to give this to WS, I don't suddenly want to become to overwhelming it might just put him off if I suddenly bombard him again with all the letters. Still holding back draft of previous letter - feel time is not right now. <p>As WS has cut himself off from family and friends and WS and OW are moving in complete new circle of friends "Friends also in A's" I thought that it might just be a reminder to him about his infidelity and keep him on on his guilt trip.

I don't know the letter and am at work and don't have time to read it, but I would go w/your instincts. If there is anything in there likely to trigger guilt he is probably not near ready for that and would take it all wrong.

Hi NY<p>I also do all my posting from work. Since discovering MB I'm spending quite a lot of time on the internet. I normally work a hour or so overtime to make up for lost time.<p>Decided that I am going to hold back on all letters and just concentrate on Plan A. WS will think I am a lunatic if I start bombarding him with letters as I said previously the only contact since he moved out was to discuss finances and children.<p>I am so disappointed because the distributor of Harley's books in our country can only give me LB & HN/HN. I am desperately searching for SAA but cannot find it anywhere.<p>I cannot order SAA from website as my WS and I had a joint bank account and when he left he cancelled my credit card. Because of his bad credit record and we are married in community of property I am unable to open up a bank account until such time the DV has been finalized. <This was one of my biggest LB's as I have deposited my salary into the joint account from the day we got married> - Legal action is pending regarding this matter. WS says he gives me enough cash and I earn enough money to maintain house and support children and will not give me access to his bank account.<p>I'm getting some response form WS - Asked him today how he was doing and he actually asked me how my day was going. Plan A is sure starting to give results. Decided to also lay low with legal action regarding sale of fixed assets as attorney advised me that there is no way that he will get away with the money as I am aware of the sale. It is so sad to see him selling off assets that we have both worked hard for to maintain his extravagant lifestyle with OW. "But his fog is still very, very heavy"<p>I am trying to find ways and means to order SAA from your country by mail.

Just as an idea- why don't you send a check or money order to the Harley's requesting a copy- perhaps? You could probably find out if it can be done by calling the ordering number on the site.<p>Just so you know Love Busterrs and His Needs Her Needs are great books- and I am actually almost torn which to recommend people start with anyhow- so read on!!

<"Orders to be shipped outside the United States must be made by calling 1-651-762-8570 Monday through Friday, from 8:00am to 4:00pm (CST). "><p>Quote from the site's bookstore- why don't you call them and see if you can order by mail w/check or money order? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How are you doing today?

Hi NY<p>I felt very sad this morning after hearing that H and OW has been going with children to various family members and friends. I feel like I do not exist for him anymore. Are they trying to portray a "happy family"..... I cannot believe that my husband can be so insensitive. I am also doubting whether I did the right thing by sending my children to them for the holidays. What if they like this women. I am quite a strict mother and it seems to me that they can do whatever they want to with OW. Daughter of 9yo watched movies till 1.00 am on Saturday evening. Also took 9yo to have a facial. Don't this women know what she is doing to my family. I feel like they want to take everything away from me.<p>I phoned MB for SAA but said they do not do overseas delivery any longer. Said I must try Amazon.com. They only accept credit cards - I am feeling very frustrated now.<p>Whenever, I think that things is starting to make sense, something new appear on the horizon. I ask myself - how much more will I be able to take-now I feel that WS should just go ahead with DV and leave me alone with children. They are coroding the moral values that I have been teaching my children. I cannot believe how they are behaving. They have no respect for me neither the children. What values will my children have when they grow up.<p>This is very hard for me to deal with as I feel like shouting and screaming at WS but decided just to let go and not contact DD's today.<p>I hope your day is better than mine.<p>Thanks

{{{{{{{Ginny}}}}}}}}}}}<p>There will be good days and bad- you are going to make it, this as all things will pass with time. Alot of people refer to the experience as going through the forge- getting re molded into a new person, a stronger person. It is hard to see while you are in there though- the fire hurts- that perspective may come in time.<p>As for your book situation I really have sympathy for your situation. Maybe I can help? Email me at mackley@twcny.rr.com and we'll talk to see if I can.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]