Recently I had a feeling that my husband of 37 years was too interested in a woman (18 years younger)that he worked with. Don't ask me why I just had this gut feeling, even though our marriage seemed to be great in everyway. Anyway I set up a video camera in our spare bedroom. Sure enough I saw it ALL. I did not know who she was but we were going to a party the next night and I was sure she would be there. I recognized her the minute she and her husband entered the door (from the video). Anyway my husband introduced us and we sat there with them all evening. They (her and my husband) were very normal acting. So was I but it was horrible. I needed time to think so I said nothing for a few days. I finally cofronted him and of course he denied it until he knew I had it on film. He feel apart and needless to say so did I. Well anyway I had to be hospitalized and we both went to a marriage counsoler. Everything seems ok now but I still have flash backs called post distress disorder. We are going to try and work things out but how should I go about learning to trust him again? We both swear that our love will overcome anything but I still am so suspicious of his every whereabouts. I know this drives him crazy to have to tell me his every move but so far he has and dosen't seem to mind. I just want things to be back like they were. We have neither one ever been unfaithful before and this has totally devestated me. I need some helpful advice. Please someone help me to make this work out and be better than before.<p>[ December 30, 2001: Message edited by: BJL ]</p>

I have received no reply and am just wondering if people think because I have been married so long that there can't be any real prblem here. I should let you know that I have been with my husband since I was 16! So I'm not as old as some of you may think. We are still very active sexually (4-5 times a week)

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I would suggest you read the book Surviving an affair. It may help you deal with some issues and possibly find out why this happened. <p>I wish you luck

BJL,<p>I am sorry that you have not got a lot of support from us here. No story is not important enough to be of no concern here. The forum you are posting in is probably the most heavily populated and posts can get overlooked like somebody just said before me. <p>I have exchanged emails with a couple people here and i think sometimes that helps me a bit more because i can REALLY get a load off my chest because the moderators can't edit anything and we can speak freely. My email address is Julia1367@yahoo.com Feel free to email me anytime. <p>It is completely devastating to learn of an affair, and i feel your pain. Trust me when i say you are not alone. My h had a 3 month affair that resulted in a pregnancy and now the child is due in April... so yeah, we are all suffering differently, but the same. I hope you don't give up on getting support here or somewhere else, in a friend, or even me if you'd like. <p>God Bless,
Julia

BJL
(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) for you. Its devastating, I know. Turns your life upside down.
I hope you have gotten some anti-depressants if needed. They won't give you a false world or take your cares away, but they will steady you so that your thoughts don't fly everywhere all the time. They give you some stability after a time. NOt that you still won't have your bad days.<p>As far as trust, it will be extremely hard and long in coming. If it drives your H wild that you need to know where he is all the time, then just tell him he has to prove it to you, and it won't happen in a week, a month, or sometimes even a year. That's part of the fallout. What else does he expect? Someone said it takes at least 1-2 years before you can conisder yourself in a good recovery. Ack!!!!!!!! That sounds so long, doesn't it.
Be sureto read everything at this site and fill out the Emotional questionaire out together.
My first thought was to throw the bum out, but after stewing about it for a few days, going to the doc, I decided to start immediate counseling with or without him. He has gone three times with me and now won't and won't talk about it.
I just recently got the book "Torn Asunder" which is also an excellent book. I also recommend Harley's books. I have His Needs/Her Needs" and "Surviving An Affair", which my H did read with me. I think that helped alot.
These boards do tend to be slow on weekends and holidays. Come back to vent often, insteady of love-busting with your H, which is extremely difficult at first. you have to change your mind set and NONE OF THIS IS EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At least you have found this place early and it is the place you need to be.
Good luck
Mikkey