Ive been married now for 2 years. 6 months after our wedding I found out that my husband was having telephone conversations with a co-worker of his which was a former co-worker of mine (we all use to work together).When I recieved my bill of course I questioned him and he claim it was work related but the telephone bill was $300+ worth of long distance calls, So I believed him and thought nothing else about it, So a year after he would go out and when I page he wouldn't call back for hours then he would come home and say he was with his friends, So one morning around 2a.m. he woke up and said he had a stomachache and he needed to go the store and of course he went, while he was gone I thought something seemed strange so I pushed redial on the telephone and it was a pager number and another code beind it, So I called and it was the girl I use to work with, and I pushed another number to hear her messages and it was a message on there from my husband and it said:I thought you said you love me, why are you doing this to me. So I called my husband who was at work at the time and I asked him whats going on, and he said that was not him so I asked him to listen to but somehow it was erased. He came home we argued for hours, I called the girl and asked her what was going on and she said ask your husband. Both of them are saying nothing happened and Im trying to believe that but I just cant. Its been almost a year now and I still find myself thinking about her whether or not they had sex.And my sex drive with him is just down to zero, Sometimes I really just hate him.

Hi, <p>I understand your feelings. Mine too. The thought of betrayal stabs deep in our hearts. I have just shared a thread with another poster. It may help you. It is called the 5 stages of greiving. It helps us understand what we as BS' are going through. Oh yes it is not only the WS that is having a hard time. The BS just handles it differently. <p> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html <p>Have you read the basic concepts or any books here? There is an emotional needs questionnaire located in the basic concepts section under the MB logo at the top of this page. Take a look at it. There is a lot to learn. <p>Welcome to MB. <p>L.

{{{{{{{{{Rikka}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>Married for two tears and it sounds like this started 6 months or less after you were married. Oh, I have such a sick pit in my stomach from thinking abot it. And such a hard time restraining myself from telling you to run, now. But, that's not the best advice, trust me, just a gut reaction.<p>I seldom come to this board due to my own difficulty of dealing with the raw pain and the terrible tragedies, but I came tonight, and I hope I will be able to give you some sound information, I know you need it, and I know what it's like to be sitting here desperately waiting for people to reply, I was here once too.<p>First off, let me start with Orchid in Welcoming you to MB, you have definitely come to the right place. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Secondly, I want to recommend to you that the General Question 2 board is more trafficed and it is ok for you to post there too if you want more people to see your post. Also, that your post will get more responses if you come back and reply to each person who replies to you, people are more likely to join in if they see how you've responded to what has been posted already and that you are still there wanting or needing to discuss it.<p>Now, to address your particular situation, you know if it looks like a fish, and smells like a fish, and swims like a fish.... well, I would trust your instincts, it's most likely a fish, you're probably not dillusional. People in the fog do some really stupid stuff, and the lies pile up and get so deep it can be pretty hard to see daylight again in some cases.<p>Right now you have a choice to make. To work on your marriage and give it a chance or not to. Of course if you decided you want a divorce you would be in the right, but being right isn't always the best reward. Staying for a while and trying to save your marriage, it will be the fight of your life, but in the end the rewards do fully compensate for the extra effort required, and the pain and the struggle does cause growth and strength you probably don't even realize you have the potential for inside of you now. <p>If it doesn't work out- in 6 months or a year you will still have the option of divorce, but if you take it now you'll never know what could have happened if you had tried, and it makes it pretty tough to go back. The best decision to make is not to decide, for now, about getting a divorce and to give it a try, for a period of time to see if you can save your marriage. See my recent thread here on that in fact: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001240<p>Does that mean you need to accept the A and his lies.. no. You deserve and should remain steadfast in not accepting it in fact. But it means as long as you are married and he is living with you, you have the upper hand and the odds are in your favor and there are things you can do to bring about the end of the affair and recovery from it into a stronger, affair proof marriage after it is really over, and if those proven methods do work, it is worth giving it a chance.<p>Have you read Surviving An Affair yet? If not you really need to. The web site is good, but it's not the same. Your game plan should start with reading that book, and calling the Harley's for counseling or seeking a good local couselor if that is trully beyong your means. Learn about Plan A and Plan B, and read, read, read and post here to find lots of support and advice. This place is like group therapy for many including me.<p>And also, if you are at all religious, now is a good time to strengthen your relationship with God. He can trully help carry you through a crisis like this.<p>God bless.