My husband has been having an emotional affair with a co-worker for several months now. I found out 2 months ago. We have been going through individual counseling (with a husband and wife team) and will begin marriage counseling in January. He is very confused and sayd he doesn't know what he wants. <p>We have been on vacation together between Christmas and New Years. The OW was on vacation for 2 days prior to the holidays so my H hasn't seen her for more than a week now. He has been having ups and downs all week. On the first two days of the weekend before Christmas my H treated me like I had the plague. He wouldn't hug me or kiss me. I was very depressed and on Sunday night I just sat and cried. I told him I didn't want anything for Christmas except for him to tell me everything would be okay. He hugged me. On Christmas Eve he spoke to his brother, who knows what's going on, and after he finished his call I asked him if his brother gave him any advice. He said he did give him some good advice but wouldn't tell me what it was. He just said it was basically the same as everyone else has told him (stop contact with OW and work on our marriage). That night he truly acted as though he really loved me. On Christmas morning, I was depressed. When he asked what was wrong, I told him I was so scared because if things don't go well in counseling, this could be our last Christmas together. He put his arms around me and said not to worry, they will go well. The next couple days went fine. On Thursday night, I again was very depressed (must be the holidays!). He sat down and we talked. I told him it felt as though he didn't want to be here sometimes. He said sometimes he doesn't! I was so hurt. I told him about what I had read on this site about stopping all contact with OW by even moving if necessary. He asked how people get to that point that they know what they want? I said it was because they still loved their spouse and wanted to try to make their marriages work even though it was extremely hard to stop all contact. I told my H that I knew he still loved me because he tells me all the time. He agreed he did. I told him I would do whatever it took to make him happy again and be in love with me. I told him I had read many places that 90% of relationships starting as affairs do not last and would he want to throw away him entire life here for that? He said there was never anything bad with our marriage and that he was happy before, but he has this overwhelming passion for this OW. He said I have no idea how hard this is for him. He said he feels so bad about hurting me like this and could understand why some people commit suicide dealing with situations like this. He then said he needed to go out and think a bit and went to the store to pick up supplies we needed for some home repairs that need to be done. He came back in a much better mood and has been great ever since. Unfortunately, we are back to work on January 2nd and he is back near "her" again. How do I get my H to the point where he will agree to stop all contact? I am not ready to give him an ultimatum yet. I do not want to risk making him angry. I have been enjoying being together with him on vacation and am really hoping it has made some difference to him. Any advice?

Hi, <p>Have you both taken the emotional needs questionnaire? I have am not familar with your whole situation but the basic concepts,the books suriving an affair and his needs/her needs will answer a lot of your questions. <p>There is hope if both are willing to work on it. The one thing that runs fairly consistent is that the WS' tend to think that this 'special feeling' is unique to them. Nope nope nope..... too many of those 'special feeling' stories out even here at mb to say that they are unique. Read the info. Your H may go through withdrawals and you may even take a few steps back in recovery. But if you both make a conscienious effort together it can be overcome. There are several that still post here who are sucess stories but not after many times of painful setbacks (false starts) & tears. For you I have attached a thread called the 5 stages of grieving:<p> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html <p>Hope this helps. Keep reading and posting here. Even vent when you need to. We are pretty thick skinned here. Don't worry not much shocks us anymore!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.

First off, if it is trully only an EA, thank your lucky stars, and be glad you found out about it in time to put the brakes on now. <p>Second, this site is good, but not nearly as good or complete as the books. buy yourself a good Christmas present (belated), and go out and get Surviving An Affair and read it together, please?<p>Alot of people told me that, and I put it off because we are really not wealthy people. I really wish I hadn't put it off as long as I did, after I read it I said, "no wonder..", and I wished I had listened sooner. Do it, k?

Hello Hurt and Afraid..
If you need some help or support. I can help. I am the WS who got grabbed up by the collar and woke up. I was caught up deep in an EA. There is alot to my story but if you need support, have questions, I will do what I can for you. Please let me know. You may email me at JTandSAM@yahoo.com I hope you are doing okay. I know it hurts, I live with the hurt in my husbands eyes for what I did. I was lucky to be given a chance again..and I am making the best of that chance. Please let me know if I can help.
Sincerely
*T*
Married 8 years in March
No Kids
One big fat cat
I was the one who had the EA
Given another chance and we are working it out
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