Thanks for the comments WS and Barrie. I find when I'm sick, my mind wanders on the negative. That's when I really need to take better care of myself.<P>Barrie, your situation with the OW does sound tough. But on the other hand, your H gets to see what a true jerk the OW is with how she's acting now. Your H can't feel guilty or responsible for her actions now. If OW actions get worse, I would suggest tape recording her threats. Can a restraining order be placed on her?<P> My h's OW has attempted past communications with him. I told my h that should OW do so again, I get to respond to her. My statements won't be as politically correct as h's always are. <P>dinner time.<BR>

I'm so glad to see a Post like this. At least I know that I am not the only one feeling this way.<P>My H & I are 9-1/2 months into recovery. His affair was brief, but still so devastating. The OW is still in withdrawal and just 2-1/2 weeks ago, attempted to try and befriend him again (by sending him jokes via e-mail). Thank goodness I found it because I was able to nip that in the bud.<P>I will never forgive my H for what he did to me. All I can do is just deal/cope with it. I will never forgive the OW either. She still wants my H and it sickens me that she doesn't give a rat's a$$ if she invades my family or not.<P>I still have a hard time with the triggers and all the memories. I keep thinking, "After all these years, I didn't even know my H. I had no idea he could do something so despicable and cruel. I'm so stupid for being so blind and trusting."<P>I used to pride myself thinking that my H would never be interested or look at anyone else. Boy, what an idiot I was! Now the trust is gone. I never knew my H could be such a liar and a cheat. Now, I never know when he is telling me the truth or not.<P>He is doing whatever possible to compensate for his betrayal, but still it is so hard. It doesn't help when the OW pops back into our lives (out of the blue)...after a 9 month absence! Talk about pathetic.<P>I'm working very hard at trying to rebuild our marriage. But, sometimes I feel stupid for letting him step all over me like he did. A lot of times, I ask myself..."Why am I still here when he did those awful things to me? Why do I want to be with someone who has hurt me so much?" I used to be one of those people that would say, "If he ever cheated on me...I would leave him in a heartbeat!" Boy! I can eat my words now! I never thought that I would be here trying to work on our marriage. Sometimes, it makes me feel like a CHUMP!<P>I spoke w/Dr.Harley on his radio show on Monday. He told me that I need to think of all the positive things that my H is doing...rather than focus on the negative things. He says that we have come a long way and will make it.<P>I believe there is a chance that we will make it. Problem is...I have to live with these ugly memories FOREVER!<P>Thanks for letting me vent...

I would like to first thank everyone that has responded to this post. It is very enlightening to know that I'm not alone when it comes to the pain caused by infidelity.<P>Peppermint: My H wants me to 'get over it' too. I have tried to write him letters regarding my feelings and pain, but he uses that against me when we have a disagreement. He calls me 'weak' and 'a little girl'. I just can't seem to get him to understand my hurt. At the same time H gives me more reasons NOT to trust him. He acts as if nothing even happened. <P>I too have gone to counseling, taken anti-depressants, and nothing seems to help. My nights are filled with anxiety attacks and headaches. <P>My girlfriend is trying her very best with me, but sometimes I leave her at a loss for words. <P>Right now, I can't decide whether or not to fight for my marriage or get out. H is sending mixed signals.<P>Any suggestions will be helpful. Please keep posting. Thank you all! <P><P>------------------<BR>

Hey all of you,<P>Just like me to be the last on a long thread, but I couldn't let this one go. I too, feel that I shouldn't complain compared to some of the MB "sad" cases. My H and I have been in recovery since I moved back home after initially leaving him. Dr. Harley's theories have been our saving grace but there are times:<P>1. Everyday driving home from work I think of the sordid details of H touching OW (where, when and how). I get choked up, cry and then I have trouble looking him in the eye as I enter our house. I call these the 4:00 blues.<P>2. The shower is another place that the pain tends to hit me. Why oh why oh why oh why did he have to have an affair of all things!<P>3. Trust...Ha ha ha. I still check his e-mail, work bag, car, etc. <P>4. I am suppose to meet his unmet "emotional needs" BUT...I, am truely the needy one.<P>5. First bout of depression ... and I'm very pregnant. No Anti-depressants for me.<P>This stuff (infidelity, that is) shouldn't happen. Not so easily and boy it was easy for him. <P>when I found out about his affair. I hated our home (dream home-work hard and sacrafice)<BR>I needed to get away from it as much as him. I love my home once again, maybe someday soon I will love him like I once did.<P>

Wafflestoo,<P>Saw your post and needed to reply. How in the world we could have the shower in common I do not know. Every time I climb in the shower I am bombarded by thoughts of the OW and all the crap I inherited from her inability to find a man of her own. What is it with the shower??????? Have asked some close friends that question and they feel it is the solitude that allows the mind to wander. How do you take back the shower as your very own place?<P>Sometimes I think us betrayed have way too much in common and not just our pain!