It has been 6 months since my ex broke up with me. We both have new relationships (although I told my new last night that I still love my ex and that I am compelled to try and reach her again- my attempt to alleviate the loss may not be possible I am finding out) I saw my ex 3 days before Xmas and she proactively said "you know I love you J". I also gave her and our stuffed animals (kids) a Xmas card. I also shed a lot of tears in front of her and also told her that even if she was to lose her looks and or health that it would not change how beautiful she was inside (she had a MAJOR car accident awhile back that I helped her through begininng to end). I also called her on Xmas to wish her a Merry Xmas. She called me as soon as she got back in to town. I called her the night I broke up with my new raltionship (yesterday) and requested to talk to her over lunch (she called me right back first thing this morning). I am feeling thqat the door is slightly open (otherwise I don't understand her motivation in being so nice and taking my calls and seeing me- I mean if it's over what would she have to gain?) This may be my LAST CHANCE and I need to get it right for once!<p>Jack

Here's a timeline since our break up on July 4th. Here are some recent things she's told me.<p>14 weeks ago - I promised myself I'd never hurt this much again (promise to herself)
13 weeks ago - Maybe we can date every once in awhile
12 weeks ago - maybe you can move back in with me sooner than later
10 weeks ago - If I gave you another shot what would you say (when I was starting to date Kristal)
8 weeks ago - I'm not interested in a relationship with you or anyone
7 weeks ago - My barriers are breaking down and I'm beoming okay again (new boyfriend)
6 weeks ago - We're totally done. I'd go out on a double date w/ Kristal and be her friend.
4 weeks ago - she called me annoyed with the new boyfriend. Would NOT let me off the phone and commented "you're the only one who ever really 'got' me"
2 weeks ago - I stopped by her office and dropped off cards for her and our stuffed animals(kids) and I cried. She said she loved me and I hugged her.
1 week ago - Returned my Merry Xmas call and wished me the same.
Today - Returned my "urgent" call and has agreed to meet me for lunch on Friday..<p>I think she's being confusing and is scared, but is the door open??<p>Tough love and real advice and opinions sought,

Jack72,<p>Since both of you didn't sign any piece of paper that we call it M, you have less emotional barrier to move on. However, you could simply ask her if she is willing to try relation w/ MB. Just be open and let her know how is your feeling and probably both of you could learn from the past and build fullfilling relation toward M. Ask her if she is willing to lean MB to build the future. (quote from Torizo) "You could not change the past nor the present but you could choose your future" Both of you should learn about EN(s), LB$, LB, read fall in love and stay in love & HNHN. Life is too short to be proud and second guessing, put your best dress and bring flower as if you are going to ask her hand. Open communication is the fundation. Good luck. Let us know what happen this Friday. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 02, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Dear REDHAT<p>Thanks A TON for the advice. I'll let you know how it goes.<p>Jack

RH, you hit it on the head.<p>Jack, Good Luck On Friday...

Hi Jack,<p>You had asked me to comment on your situation. It appears to me that the door is open. I've read about relationships that have gone through divorce, and then remarried their original spouse. If that's possible, then certainly rekindling a relationship with an ex-girlfriend is possible. Although the Harley principles guide us through marriage, I suspect the premise of emotional needs is still valid for unmarried couples, as well as love busters. If you haven't read Fall In Love/Stay In Love, it's a good place to start. Buy it and read up. It pretty much covers the entire process.

Hello ALL.<p>Thanks a bunch for your input. So here's what happened after breakfast with the Ex this morning. It started off fine until I started to talk about the past and us. She became very defensive. Anyway, I really wanted to give her abck the engagement ring I had taken back from her. Relunctantly she took it and then said I'll turn it into a pendant to wear to always remind me of you. We both then started crying. Anyway, a bit before that she told me about how she is in love with her new boyfriend of 3 months and how he really loves her. She claims I was at the highest pedestal of love EVER and that the new guy is not comparable just different. We are going to play volleyball together tomorrow and join a league at the end of January. She claims we won't be together again. Now I'm going to be as patient as I can in giving space and letting the BS Honeymoon Period of her new 3 month relationship wear off and see how it really turns out. She says they have hinted at marriage. So I find myself trying to get healthy and justify some things. In our relationship it was tough. In the beginning she told me after a couple weeks that she was divorced. In fact, she was only separated and still slept under the same roof as the ex. I followed her through the whold 8 months of divorce. I was young so being with someone divorced was tough enough. Seeing letters come in with her married last name was nearly unbearable, but I did it for her. Shortly thereafter her Grandma died who was like her mom and I agreed to fly back East with her and go to a funeral. Both of which I hate, but I did it for her. She was then in a trajic car accident. I stayed at the hospital everyday, in fact I didn't even call work for 2 weeks. I did not ever leave her side and basically became her primary doctor. Later I would quit my home-based position because I felt guilty and started a company from home to ensure I could stay with her. I was her nursemaid (noone could have done this better)for nearly 8 straight months. I did this for her. I guess what I'm starting to think is that after nearly 4 years together and being engaged for 2 years, plus everything above (and yes I was not good in the last year - I had doomed our relationship and was waiting for her to break up with me) I kind of feel like the one time I needed her for something major she wasn't there. I just think if you add up our time together and everything we shared and I did for her that when I DESPERATELY tried to get her back she should have given me a chance. I love her, but am starting to feel shred like I loved her more than she loved me. There was a time I really believe, atleast I hope, where she loved me as much. Not sure where I go to from here, but this new feeling might be a healthy thing????<p>Any comments appreciated. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jack

Jack72,
Hang in there Jack. It seems that you want to make this R work. You have the past that she could look for and hope she could make a wiser decision for the future. You are doing the right thing, be there and plan A'ng her. Put a specific time frame for you (don't tell her) and start looking into plan A. Do not push it, start putting a list on her issue(s) with you and start working on the changes.<p>Good luck