Perdu,<p> It really sounds like you are hanging in there. I just started using this site yesterday. So forgive me as I do not know all the abbreviations. My husband of 2&1/2 yrs. cheated on me. I found out 2 months ago. He said that it was a one nighter and that it would never happen again. I filed for divorce week later. He flipped out and said that he would not sign the papers and that he wanted to restore our love again. He is begging me to forgive him. I kicked him out of the house and now he has his own place. He signed a 6 mos. lease assuming that we would be back together by then. I just don't know. I do love him and hope to trust him again. I get really mad at him quite often. After reading some of the responses that you recieved, I just realized that he is also greiving for his mistake. The tub thing, that is something that I would do just to see if he would pay attention to me. There are quite a few similiarities that you and I share. Meaning the way I am feeling about this whole mess. I just felt an urge to tell you that. I am also very sad and angry. I am in my late 20's and hoped that I would live a wonderful life with this man. A man who has betrayed me to the highest extend. I am pissed off and don't know if I can trust his words...EVER!! I know action speak louder than words and i feel that he has not done much to prove to me that he wants this to work. All I hear are words. He says when he is ready to get help he will. I told him that it isn't just about him..it is about us!! He is a lost soul. I think that he is searching for something he may never find. Being a good person that I am, I will always support him hoping that he will turn to me during his soul searching period. I know during this time alone, I have done some soul searching. I try daily to keep my chin up.It is hardest at night and when I am alone thinking all the time. I did purchase 2 books today. They were both recommened by people off of this chat. I hope that they will bring insight into this time in my life. Good luck to all. If anyone has feedback that would be great. Any suggestions are appreciated. Not looking for an answer but to get through the days.. Thanks

Hey There.
You are in a tough spot and very hurtful one to boot. I don't know have answers for you but I think if you post this same letter (Copy and Paste) in the forum called EMOTIONAL NEEDS. You will get lots of feedback. There are some great folks over there that can help you. I'm still new here and all but search for people like KAM6318, HappyHusband and LuckLEC. They are SUPER!
You are not alone. Keep us posted
*T*
PS. Big hug to you...

Hey there No Clue,<p>It's terrible, isn't it? I'm glad you found this place. I found it a little less than a year ago when I discovered I was a betrayed husband. I am still so amazed at how it is possible to feel so bad and still live through it. <p>We are well into recovery now. It has not been an easy road. It was this web site that made it possible; I would not have fought for our marriage unless I had found MB.com. My formerly WW broke off her affair upon discovery and I went into (a flawed but sincere) Plan A. Worked for us so far. <p>But here's where my very humble opinion comes in...nobody.....NOBODY...could have faulted me if I had decided to simply drop kick that marriage through the goalposts of life and sent her on her way. She betrayed our vows. That was her decision. It was my decision whether or not to allow her another chance. I feel I would have been "right" either way. I love her dearly. That's why I married here. I was serious when I stood up and promised. And I thought maybe she could learn from her mistake and be faithful. So I chose to be very forgiving. MB.com showed me how to get through it a rebuild. <p>I'm glad I chose as I did. But I tell you truly...I will not choose the same again. That is my boundary. Some call me nuts for taking her back, some might even insist that I should give her another chance if she strays again. But I will only do what is honorable and right for me. <p>You do what you must do to be true to yourself. I think that fighting for a marriage and forgiving a wayward spouse is an honorable and noble thing, but....I can find no fault with anybody who says even one time is too many.<p>I wish you the best. Live, and let them follow who will!<p>Rusty

Thanks T and Rusty. I appreciate your support. I just moved this over to Emotional Needs. Little revisions here and there. I hope that this New Year brings happiness to us all. Thanks.. ihnc

Hi IHNC,<p>Thank you so much for your support. Yes i could have gone your way too. I almost did. But I felt us being together to solve our problems was best for us. He went away so many times to disconnect from our relationship. I figured we needed to stay togehter to find out if it was real love. I have realized that it is I also think that my H realizes it too. But he is really scared. <p>I hope all works out for you. The god thing about doing it your way is that you have only your feelings to consider most of the time. It allos you to focus and not to get sucked into his crap.<p>Best Wishes,<p>Perdu