I'm probably at the end of my rope and it's decision time. Mentally I'm about insane. See my previous post for my situation
19 years married, 1 18year old son.
Wife probably has been running an affair on and off for 4 years ( found out 3 years ago, listened to her excuse ( stupid thing, 40s crisis ) and forgave her. I think she started up again a year later - or waited a few months and resumed. Last Xmas, discovered again. Same guy . Denial on her part ( later confirmed by her ) promises again. Repeated in March. Felt wrong in July - she gave me letter saying she never wanted to hurt me, but letter described what a great guy he is - nothing niceto say about me. Agreed to work on it. Felt wrong in Sept ( she talked in her sleep ) After 20 years, can tell when she's lying Denied it, but said her shrink advised her to make a decision. She tactically acknowledged March and July.
Every 3 months I get kicked in the teeth and more promises. Was going to finish this in Nov, but problems with son, and Xmas around the corner, I staggered through Check her cell phone 2 weeks ago. Boyfriends phone # on history.
question - am I fighting a losing battle?

Has her own phone, computer for email.
Works near boyfriend. I don't think they get together that often - once a month or so but obviously thats too many.
Now the problem - genuinely seems to love me - see it in her eyes. problem is, from the way she wrote in emails and that July letter, seems to love him too..
I want to force a decision from her. I'm thinking of telling her I know she is still in contact with him, telling her SHe hs to make that decision to stop seeing him - and back up what she says with a polygraph test in 3 months - and I have to stick to that promise as well. If she fails we are over - but so is this pain that I've been in. .
I would also make it clear that I would expect to have her pass another in a year or so. SHE has to be responsible for her choices and actions and has to accept that after the last year alone, I need her to make up her mind -
and show that deed is better than talk

Jay,<p>You intentions are strong and you have been dealing with this for a long time. May I ask, how familar are you with the info here at MB? <p>There are the emotional needs questionnaire, his needs/her needs book, phone counseling service, surviving an affair book and many other good references. <p>You sound like you are tired and at the end of your patience. I understand. I wonder would you be open to some MB suggestions?<p>L.