After Plan A got me nowhere I did what i know i shouldn't. W spent most of Saturday looking for an apartment so she can try life on her own. On Sunday morning, as we're gettng ready for church, i told her I felt what she is doing is wrong. I told her i felt i did not deserve the treatment she has given me (the affair) and that the children do not deserve to have their homelife disrupted by her moving out. Her comment was that i obviously do not understand how she is feeling. The only good side to this lovebusting episode is that i made my comments in a very controlled manner w/o any shouting. <P>My prayer this morning was for God to give me the strength to let her go and to be reminded that He will take care of myself and the children regardless of her actions. Looks like we're headed for some version of Plan B. The more i'm exposed to her indifferent treatment the more i'm feeling myself ready to risk her leaving and not returning.<P>On another note, yesterday my 4th grader made a comment that she was unable to write about her summer vacation since we didn't take one this year. My heart sank. I realized i have let my situation with my W rule my life to the point that i have to some degree neglected my kids. I've spent all summer trying to work Plan A and have devoted ALL my energies to my W. It's time for that to change. <P>Sorry, I guess i'm just venting this morning. <BR>

hello nlitend, you have a much more positive outlook than in the past. Maybe it is a time to change the priorities in your life. This does not have to mean shut the door on your w, but maybe open the door for yourself and your kids?

nlitend,<P>Plan A often doesn't have any immediate payoffs. Patience on your side will help. And with your wife gone, you will be able to focus on your children---and that should bring you a lot of joy.<P>When your wife leaves, the affair will go from fantasy to reality---and reality isn't usually as nice a place to be.

nlitend,<P>I agree that a priority shift is in order. When you wrote about your kids it made me think too. We didn't take our usual two week drive around the country adventure either. We were only able to squeeze in a 3 day camping trip to the coast. So, moving your kids up the priority ladder is a good thing. Keep in mind, that I don't think there is a woman on this planet that doesn't appreciate having a great father for her kids. So, you will be depositing love units by doing that. I'm sure the OM could never compete in that way and she will come to realize that. She will also come to realize the hurt she is causing to the kids, it's just a matter of time.<P>I think you are showing great control during this time. I know we have been married for the same amount of time (I least I think so) and I also know you neglected her as I did my W. Don't give up on hope. I would continue to show her real change in your life and that it is possible to change for the better. I have changed, dramatically. Keep trying. Keep loving. Keep hoping.<P>I'm pulling for you.<P>SHA<p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited August 24, 1999).]

Another "married almost 20 years" man here, facing separation soon, but no definite plans yet. Sometimes, like today, I don't think I can keep Plan A going when I'm so hurt and often angry at the unfairness of it all.<P>What hurts the most, I like SHA and nlitend, know the neglect I showed my wife. The worst part is that she NEVER told me. The first I heard of ANYTHING was after the revelation of this 3 year affair and now I feel it's too late, to hard, to fight. <P>But I keep trying... nlitend, stay in touch. I know I'm headed right where you are today and I hope to help you if I can 'cause I can hardly bare the thought of my W leaving "us" behind. <P>Vent all ya want nlitend, it does help!!!

Once again i receive strength from the good people at MB. Thanks doesn't seem like enough, but THANKS.<P>I too am hounded by guilt over my neglect of my W. Now i sometimes wonder if it's too late for us. I get angry at myself and wonder where in the world my mind could have been to have taken her love for granted as i did. <P>I will certainly continue to show my love to her. Doing otherwise would be of no benefit to anyone. Don't laugh, but i've even made up a card for her to give me the next time i start to lecture her on what i feel are her poor decisions. It says: <P>"I am well aware of how you feel about wanting to keep our marriage intact and that you do not necessarily agree with some of the actions i'm taking. You have made your opinions very clear on repeated occasions. You do not need to repeat yourself. Stop, before you do your cause more harm than good."<P>OK, go ahead and laugh a little, but maybe it will help me ease off on the pressure. I know i'm often my own worst enemy.<P>Again, thanks for taking the time to lend some support. Yes SHA and TexasMan, I have 19 years invested. <P>

Your card idea is a wonderful share.<P>It reminds me of that song - country western - don't know the name or the singer but goes something like this.<P>Write that down. Write down I love you, for when I forget to tell you. Paste it on the frigerator - look at it every day. But write it down. Don't forget that I love you.<P><BR>

TNT - That's a George Strait song.

TNT,<P>You're obviously not from these United States of Texas, but we'll try not to hold that against you.