About 2 mos. ago i found my husband at a co-workers house at 5am, 2 hrs. before he was to go to work on his day off. I had a gut feeling and went there. I knocked on the door. When he finally came home he was mad because i went there and he said nothing was going on and that he went to apologize to her for my talking crap about her at a Halloween party the previous weekend. (i have heard stories about these two from co-workers of his for the past year). Then about a month after this he was seen downtown by a relative of mine getting out of her car talking to her in her car when he was supposed to be at work. He said he was just talking and she just happened to be in the same place as him. I tried to kick him out but he wouldn't leave. I roke down and during all the tears he has still stood by his stories. His stories have never changed either, but i have such ill feelins about this whole thing. She is old by almost 10 yrs. and by far not his type. We have been married for 13 yrs. w/20 yrs. together since kids. He is not this kinda uy, but who is. I cannot even begin to trust anything he says and they are still working side by side. He says he is going to find a new job but hasn't. I am lost, confused, cannot trust and feel betrayed. HELP! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

suffgirl,<p>welcome to MB! You've come to the right place for help working through this. <p>I am the cheater in my marriage and let me say that if I was a bettin' gal, I'd put some big money on his having an affair with this woman. And, honey, believe me, regardless of her age, etc---she is his type. She for sure is blowing all kinds of smoke about how wonderful he is up his butt and that makes her just his kind of woman. <p>And is, of course, the very nature of an affair to deny, deny, deny. Kind of like that rap song "Wasn't Me". That his story and he's sticking to it. Sometimes I think people would lie even if they were caught naked in the bed with the other person.<p>I encourage you to read everything on this site---it's great. Don't do anything drastic. It tells me there may be hope, because if he is lying to you, then he obviously does not want to lose you (also evidenced by his refusal to move out). And I never thought I was 'that kinda girl' either...<p>Keep us posted.. We're here and we care.

{{{suffgirl}}}...<p>Do check out 50 signs your spouse is having an affair (All found on this board) ...<p>...and General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies) to give you the background you'll need for the month's to come.<p>You are not alone.!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Thanks for the input. We have just recently been to a counseling session and things came out i had never really knew. Like this woman wanted to "Do Him" two years ago. I asked how he could work with someone who has said this and not be uncomfortable. He relly has no answer as usual. He did tell the counselor that he REALLY wants to work on this marriage and i'm all he's ever wanted since we were kids. He has been looking for another job and trying to get his boss to remove this woman from his crew, but he's afraid that because of her reputation that she will try and take him down. The counselor told him that if he wasn't having a "sexual Affair" that he was having an "Emotional Affair" which can be just as bad. She also said that if he did do something that is needed to come out now because later would only make recovery harder for the lying for the last two months.I still cringe when he goes to work each day, especially if i know it is her day to work too. I don't know if i can ever regain trust again.
Saddened that my life is like this! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]