My wife and I have been having difficulty's. Difficutlys that I see as a normal part of marriage. Last Sunday night, before a Mon-Friday business trip for me. I decided to install AOL Instant Message capture software. What I found, really floored me. She was posting to someone from her work. She was calling him cute, trying to cheer him up is what she called it. He mentioned that he would rather be with my wife than his. Nothing sexual implied though. It ended with her calling him Principe and him calling her beautiful. The final comments where, my wife saying "miss you", he responded with "I miss you". I confronted her, and she insisted that it's simple IM flirting. I was floored. We stayed up all night (0 sleep), discussing this. Needless to say, I think we were both in shock. Part of the IM was her saying maybe her and the guy can go out Friday. Well she told me that someone at her work was having a birthday party get together on Friday. So, Friday night I IMed the birthday boy. He was home, but my wife wasn't. I asked when did my Wife leave the party. He said, she didn't stay long, she left long before us. When I talked to her 2 hours after she left the party, she told me that she had been driving around. So, I'm back to the same feelings of deciet. My wife is giving me this trip, that if I can't forgive her It won't work. I told her she needs to be honest with me, and reassure me when I need it. Am I being unreasonable.

Well, I have to say that I totally relate on both sides. I have been seeing a man for over a year. He is also friends with my husband and they get a long quite well. How did this all start? Well we were having problems. He like you felt that they were "normal issues" that could be worked out. The problem is we work them out once every year, some changes occur and then its back to the normal routine. To make a long story short, I began to get close to this man through e mail and IM each other, then began and continue to have a physical and emotional connection. I am very torn about this whole situation because , and I know this is going to sound strange, I do love my husband (who has no idea) and yet, I know that he will never meet some of my needs the way this man has and I hate to give that up. Yet, the realistic me knows that this simply cannot go on endlessly. I came to this site sort of looking for, I dont know, maybe a better idea of what I needed to do. But when I saw your posting., I just had to write and tell you, it's not innocent. If you suspect, there's always a good reason too.

For both of you Softch & man1,<p>Welcome to MB. Learn as much as you can about MB, the link below on my signature provide you a starting point. Learn about ENs, plan A/B, LB and LB$. Then you decide if you could use this technique to save your M. You problem is not unique, just look around the forum. Read HNHN(his needs her needs) and SAA (usrviving an affair), it will put your M problem into prospective.<p>Also the link How to Survive infidelity provide inside look of A, specially how it started Q&A. In short, we contribute some to create the environment for WS to have A. We are not reponsible for WS's choice of having an A rather than work on M.<p>Good luck and post again if you need support and you have some question.