I have been married for 9 years have 3 kids and my wife just told me about her affair 2 days ago. I would not have known if not for physical marks on her body. I CANNOT take the images that I am having they are to overwelming!..How could she stain the most precious thing in our lives. Its killing me.
I never thought I would ever breakdown like this.
All she keeps doing is saying "We have more issues to work on."..I cannot bear her pressure now...it is too much...Can it be precious again?
What can i do.......

MisterE,
Welcome to Marriage Builders, I understand how you feel. What you are feeling is probably the worst anyone could imagine. I know, I've been there. It's been 17 months since I found out the same thing you just did and I have to tell you that there is hope. Sometimes I thought it wasn't worth it or it just isn't going to work but by the grace of God I made it and so can you.
Read all you can here and post often, there is an amy of support that can help you through this.
It is a rough road ahead but the end results can be wonderful, trust me.
Lucky for you, you found this web site early on, you will find great comfort here. Ask questions, vent, tell us how you feel. We are here for you.<p>God Bless, SH

Thank you very much for your incouraging words.
I feel there is no hope of ever looking at her the same, but you have been there so i beleive your words more than my awful thoughts right now. At least for today....I will take tommorrow when it gets here...Im sure my name will be a regular here now...

{{{MisterE}}},<p>Your story is not unique (sadly)...<p>I've been down the raod...
...and it is a long journey!<p>Do start out at General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)!<p>You aren't alone in this...
...and no matter what...
...the people here can help you through it all!<p>They helped me...
...and in a small way... I have tried to help in return.<p>Praying for you...<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

MisterE,
Its sad to see so many others going through what I went through months ago. I thought the others here really could not be hurting as badly as I was, they didnt love their spouses as much as I did therefore could not really understand the terror I was feeling.
I was wrong.
I know how bad it hurts.
You will live through it.
You will loose weight, be unable to concentrate, have angry outbursts, cry, shake......
Then you will need to get to work.
It must have been thrilling for your wife to go back to work and have a man look at her like a woman instead of a mommy. She is caught in a fantasy that doesnt involve real world problems - no kids, no bills.....
When she says you have other issues find out what they are.
Work on filling her emotional needs.
Take the emotional needs test with her.
It is so unfair but you , at your weakest moment must be the strong one.
This site is a living monument that marriage can win even overcoming infedelity.
Be strong, think before you talk,pray if you believe,come here to complain.
I will check on you tomorrow.

This is the forth day since I found out.
I am still hurting so much its hard to work.
She says she wants to work things out and I do too. If only the horrible images of what happened whould subside so I could devote all of my effort into our marriage. I keep breaking down all day.
The pain is too much....My soul is broken.....
I am afaid I will say the wrong things to her..

MisterE,<p>Read SAA or follow this link to learn about How to survive infidelity. Yes you need time to greive and let the pain subside. Get medication if you need to.<p>Your W is willing to work it out, that is many of BS here would give anything to have that chance. The road to recovery is very narrow, you have to protect it. If she is sincere with her effort, the road ahead is getting better.<p>Don't worry about saying the wrong thing, she is also probably feel the same thing. Just do not LB'ed. Learn and read as much as you can about MB and invite her to do the same together. Fill in the ENQ and LBQ then start from there.<p>May God protect your M and lead both of you out of this strom in your life. Amen.<p>Get conseling from MB right away if you feel you can not work together w/ her.

I feel your pain. My story is in the thread "It hurts". I just confirmed my wife's affair yesterday but we've made some progress already. I honestly never thought this would happen to us, not on her part.<p>I'm here at work and the only thing I've been able to do is seek support through this site. I can't concentrate on work, I can't eat. <p>In my case the contact with the other man is still there but she spoke with him and they've agreed to keep it platonic, as they were friends in the beginning. I'm trying to deal with this and having a hard time. <p>Does your W still see the other man? Has that ended? We're going for counseling tomorrow and I strongly suggest you get some as well.<p>I may have a different perspective but here it is. We've been separated two months. My wife grew closer to one of her friends up to and during this time. She found in him someone who gave her what she wasn't getting at home. We had a good sex life, what she needed was to feel loved, to feel special. She told me that I didn't give that to her. Rather than fixate on the sex, I am fixating on that and hoping that I can turn our marriage around and fulfill her emotional needs. I won't take the entire blame for this but I know that some of it rests on me. I have hope that we can begin anew but I have to prove to her that I can meet her needs.<p>You really have to try and keep the images out of your head. It's keeping me awake at night, I know how hard this is.

Its still very early, its ok to panic. You will do better next week.

I feel so sorry for the pain you are going through and will go through. I think you will be surpised by the number of people that share your expereince, including me.<p>As someone who went through finding out about my W's affair nearly three years ago, I can tell you the road is rough and very painful. However, there is hope and I believe you found the best source for it. Please get the Survivng an Affair book and read it immediately. It will save your life!!! You can expect your health to get worse, your performance on the job to drop and everything in your life to go to hell. But take peace in the fact that it is not forever. One way or another, you will survive and have happy times. I wish I could tell you that the pain you feel will go away. For me, it has not. For others, it seems to go more quickly.<p>After trying for one year after finding out about the affair, I filed for divorce. But later, after really looking into the theories here, I agreed to reconcile if we followed the ideas here. Now, over one year later, we are still struggling mightily, but I think there is hope even though the pain in my heart persists.<p>Keep coming back here for help and may God give you strength.<p>Conan

I can tell you, know how it feels to see the images. Im dealing with that right now. I found out 4 wks ago, after 33 years,H was having an A. Its hard to even type that here. Hurts still so badly. Keep hearing time will heal. Guess thats right. Not asking near the questions now as before. But still have all the images. Night time is the worse. Wonder alot. In the beginning, asked alot of questions and that seemed to help although very very painful to hear. Seemed to put closure somewhat. You like I, have a long ways to go, but with sites like this, think if all wants to, will make it through. Im here, and Im a good listener, if you need to vent, feel free. Good Luck.......Take care.....Linda

MisterE
Have hope and hang on even though it is so hard right now. Read and print up everything on this website. Order SAA and other books from this website. I found this website about 4 days after I found out about the A. It helped me understand something that did not make sense to anyone including my H. You can read my post on "Please tell me what to say". I have known for 19 days now my H is in another country w/OW. He sent me an e-mail on the 14th day after finding out. That is the only contact he has made since dday 12/31, 1/1. He said he loved me and missed me and that he didn't know what to say except he was sorry for all he has put me through. He thinks about me everyday. No indication of how he was thinking or if he will give me a chance. So I just keep praying.
At least your wife communicated she would like to work on it. That is more than i and many others have. Read about how affairs start to get an understanding. Knowledge is power in this situation. I know and understand more about this situation and possible outcome than my H and OW do. I am counting on their ignorance and the shoddy foundation of their relationship. I am counting on them to LB each other.

I never verbally or physically attacked my H about A. When he told me I went to plan A without even knowing I was there. I told him I loved him and forgave him and we could work this out if he would give us a chance. Still haven't heard where we stand. He contacts his family to see how I am. But won't contact me. He says he's ashamed. I am prepared to tell him i understand why this happened and i hope to have the opportunity to help our M. I will wait taking one day at a time. <p> The inormation I found here empowered me and strengthened me. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm just ten chapters ahead of my H. I have been getting my life on track, full steam.<p>Please work hard to regain your composure. Try to be as loving as possible. DON"T LB. Listen to Redhat he has helped me tremendously. <p> There are lots of us out here to help. Lean on us. I'm only a few days ahead of you in this situation and I can tell you it gets better but you have to be strong at your weakest moment. I have surprised myself, my friends and family with my strength. I'm not ready to give up. Please don't give up. Put your best efforts forward so you won't have any regrets.
Forgiver

Thanks you guys have been alot of help.
I think things are going much better for me.
I dont want details anymore. I am content with what I know now. I love my wife more than anything and will do what it takes to rebuild our M. I know I have to be the strong one and forgive her for the pain she has brought on me, as well as move on. The pain does not seem to come as often now and we are going to counseling.
I have only had one bad outburst of anger and she delt with it well. She still amazes me. I can only hope my strenth and determination can amaze her enough to fix things.

MisterE,
There is a reason they call this a rollercoaster.
Remember on the bad days that you will be having a better day soon.