Recently my husband admitted to having an his confirmed second affair. She works with him (sits like 3 feet away). So now I am hearing the same song and dance as before - I will stop it. It was only sex blah blah blah. I want to get out or at least thats the rational side of me speaking. But, when I consider everything I wonder what is the best thing to do. We have two children and 17 years invested but I don't want 17 more years of this. Anyone with genuine, heartfelt, been there before advice please respond I need some help. I could use some well thought out opinions on this because I don't think that I think as clearly as I would like. Thanks

i myself just recently found out about husbands affair. his first as far as i know. i cant imagine what your going through, im finding the first enough to kill me. i just thought you would like to know there is someone thinking and praying for you. hope you get the answers and support you need. have you read any of the books? good luck.
ps-my husbands ow works for him. thats the hardest part right now.<p>[ January 14, 2002: Message edited by: nikko ]</p>

Thank you for your reply just knowing that there is someone is comforting. I have bought a ton of good books but I am finding it hard to concentrate on reading right now. I find great strength in reading though and I know that eventually I will focus on doing that again. I am just finding out how cold and callous he truly is and that frightens me. Thank you so much and let me know what happens with you I would love to stay in touch.
Thanks again

Seekingadvice, I don't have alot of advice to give you, but I do want to tell you that you are loved and supported by alot of us out here. We know what you are going through. It's been a long four weeks in my case. I read an article by James Dobson yesterday and he said "Death itself would be easier to tolerate than being tossed aside like an old shoe." <p>I feel like that saying fits what we are both going through. It's depressing. I am like you I have not been able to concentrate on a book. But, I have found alot of articles and websites that don't take a alot of concentration. If you go back to Just Found out, Onegoing on January 11 put up additional websites to look at. Go out there, read, join other chat rooms. I find the night is the hardest. My H has moved in with OW. Maybe Orchid, Rev or Redhat can help. They are usually out under Plan A/Plan B. I will put a call out to see if they may have some ideas. Take care of yourself. If you need a self-esteem book (I did), find the book "The good girls guide to Bad Girl sex." No it's not one of those books, but it took me back to how I felt when I got out of college. Sexy, powerful and knowing that I could get anyone I wanted. Take care and let us know what is going on.

Hi seeking advice...<p>Welcome to MB... I am glad you found us, though sad that you had to.<p>Sounds like you have been on this rollercoaster before? How far apart were both your d-days? What occurred for the two of you to recover after the first affair?<p>Have you read Surviving An Affair? That and other books can really help you understand the anatomy of an affair... possibly what kind of affairs your H has been involved in and discusses courses of action.<p>If you can, make an appointment with the MB staff... professionals probably could advise you better about what to do... but many have been where you are and can tell you about their experiences... check out the noteable posts in OneGoing's Welcome message.<p>Don't get discouraged if you don't get too many replies... keep bumping up your post... or posting anew... the traffic is more heavy on General Questions II, so you might also try posting there... persistance is the key... the more you post, the more replies you receive...<p>Good Luck,
Cali

Hi Seeking Advice,<p>Welcome to MB. I am sorry for your reasons to be here but you will get support. In addition to the info listed by Cali, I'd like you invite you to read the basic concepts section at the top of this page. In there are the emotional needs questionnaire. <p>You are dealing with 2 d-days. This hard. One piece of advice that helped me is to pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. <p>I was in shock for about 2 months. Still had to the the everyday functions and don't know how I managed it. It has been over a year and what a rough year it has been. <p>You will survive. Your feelings right now are just as vulnerable as your H's. Don't make any life long changes right at this time. <p>See a doctor if you need help resting. Your appetite may diminish and the A diet can make you shed pounds fast. For me that was the only good thing the to loose 20 lbs in 2 weeks was not. I ran on andrenaline for about 12 weeks. Even now I still do more than I should. But the good folks here helped me a lot. <p>Read and keep posting here. As I just commented to Nikko, you can vent here, share your frustrations, sad and happy times. Even a few jokes. You'd be surprised at the topics discussed here. <p>That's ok because many here understand what you & your H are going through. There are even threads about how to deal with our children, relatives and friends. <p>Read up and post back. I will check back on you later. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.