Hi, guys. Well, he finally called. I had left his mom a message on the answering machine about my job and she told him. He called to see how I was doing. She's never called me back. The first time in weeks. I don't even know what to say to him when he calls now.<P>Both PT and the little one were there. The little one kept yelling "Daddy, hold me!" and I fought the tears. This has not been a great week. I told him about stuff going on.<P>I tried to stay level. I didn't cry or complain. We talked about my dad a lot. He kept saying "I'm sorry Lori, I'm so sorry about everything. I'll probably go to hell for this. I'm just so sorry. I'll always be sorry." Must've said it a dozen times or more during the 45 minute conversation.<P>I tried to make small talk. Told him about d's concert on Tuesday. He's gonna come. Wants to get an extra TV and extra computer that we have. Said he'd try to give me a hand w/ the house after the first of the year so that I could put it on the market.<P>AT one point he said something, I don't even remember what, and I said "I want you to be happy, for all your dreams to come true." He said that will never happen. PT and the little one were making lots of noise in the background. He apologized. Said he was going to go to a phone booth to call, but he didn't have thirty-five cents. I don't understand. I felt really sorry for him. And for us. We had so much together.<P>I guess that's all. Thanks for listening. It's strange. Just 3 weeks ago or so, he was talking about coming home. Now he sounds so definite that he's not. <P>Lori<P>

I am so sorry Lori. Not much else I can say but {{{{{{{{{{{Lori}}}}}}}}}}}}}. I did say prayers ar church for all of us.<BR><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Thanks, Di. Hugs and prayers mean more than you know.<P><BR>Lori

Lostva...hugs & prayers to you...

Lori,<P>My heart goes out to you. I'm kinda in the same boat.<P>I would like to know what goes through thier crazy minds.<P>If only they could understand that coming home and fixing what was broken is not going to be the nightmare that they think.<P>At least thats how I see it. I'm willing to put aside all the pain and misery I have endured the past 2 1/2 months.<P>I'd like to think it's fear, that keeps her in that "safe" place with the OP.<BR>I know she thinks she realy loves him. That hurts and I'm willing to move past it.<P>I just don't know!<P>Thanks for letting me dump on your thread.<BR>I'll be praying for you tonight.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hang in there, Lori. His behaviour is erratic, & he's obviously conflicted or he wouldn't have called you. He wouldn't be telling you he's sorry. Stay calm! Be patient, as hard as that is. That's great that you told him you wanted him to be happy. Good job! He's not happy now, and if he's not happy, then he can't be making OW happy. And, if he's not happy, he can't make you happy either. So, it's actually better, & in your favor that he's with her right now. It won't be long until she starts the demands, & the LB's and the fantasy will begin to unravel.

HI Lori,<BR> He didn't have 35 cents? Please. I think it's good that he's planning on going to hell. That means he's starting to realise what he's doing is WRONG. <BR> He's looking for a way out. I think somehow he's afraid of PT in some strange way. She has SOME kind of hold on him. <BR> He said He'd never be happy. What's up with that? Well, who can figure them in their CRAZY state? PRAYERS and HUGGS FRANK

All I can say is sorry... I think he feels a bit like the martyr (sp?) these days and thinks you are too good to come home to. Does that make sense?<P>He thinks he deserves the hell he has put himself in, and probably will wake up someday, but not too soon <P>I'm sorry, because it must be gut-wrenching to hear and watch. But he has to do this on his own. It's very sad, that's for sure.

Want an update? He called back again. Wanted to PAY me to do an invoice for him. Pay me for 10 minutes work? Gimme a break.<P>Anyway, we got that part done and he talked about getting the house ready some more and what I should ask for it. Talked about my dad a lot and how he was ready to come home (they never divorced, but he bought a company out of state and only visited once a month or so, they had problems. Papa had realized what he wanted just a few months before he died and was coming home. He talked w/ both of us about it.). He talked a lot about how it was a shame that they loved each other but my dad couldn't get past his pride and my mom couldn't get past her bitterness. <P> We talked about Christmas day. He asked if d's biological dad was coming. I said I didn't think so, why. He said since K had never told him he had left, he'd make sure he was there first so Stewart wouldn't know. His friend told him that he called here 4 times and D told him he wasn't in and asked to take a message. He was smiling when he said it. He thinks it's cool. He's coming Christmas day to spend time with her. He's also gonna call my brother and see how he's doing.<P>Tuesday night while he's here, he's going in the attic and get down the stuff for us. Told me not to do it yet, he'd take care of it. <P>I'm confused.<P>No Trust - Thank you for caring.<P>Bill - Dump anytime you want. I read the other posts, just didn't have much to say tonight. (Unusual for me, Huh?)<P>Sidney - She started lbing months ago. She's figured it out and now she's stopped. Her ultimatum is filing for divorce after the first of the year. We'll see. Thanks.<P>Hey, Frank. Makes me dizzy sometimes. Hey, let me know what you decided to do.<P>Hi, Sheryl. I know, patience. I really am trying. I think I'll write him tonite about some of the things we talked about. Trying to figure out what to say. I want to reassure him somehow without being pushy, does that make sense?<P>Thanks, everyone.<P>Lori

JUST FOR YOU..."MOMMA" <BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LORI}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I wish that I could say something as profoundly comforting as the things you say to me. You have so much love in you that we can all see it. I am sorry that your H doesn't see it all the time. I know that he allows himself to feel it sometimes and I think these are the times when he wants to come home. Keep up those "deposits". You know far better than I in this area, how important that is. Lori, you are truly awesome, and you are not responsible for the pain you feel. You know that, H knows that and WE all know that. In the fashion of the "cyber mom" that replies to me, I say, this is just one of those times that we all go through. You'll make it. I think that New B. nailed it when saying he "thinks you are too good to come home to". Just let him know it's o.k. to come home to you. Love ya lots, "Momma". Take care of you...Arik<BR>

Hi Lostva -<P>Well, seems it a day to speak with the runaway H's isn't it!!!!!<P>Hold off on the letter writing for a day or two.......I have some thoughts on that!!!! <P>I wonder what would be the problem with you coming right out and asking him WHY he keeps saying he can't come home...He's sorry, etc.... Asking outright what the heck is going on?<P>He's said that you both have something wonderful, blah, blah.....then what made it "unwonderful"?<P>What does everyone think? Is there a reason not to ask outright? <P>Sorta like give this martyr "syndrome" a kick in the pants.........<P>If he tries to avoid answering - it can be pointed out that you have at least the right to know why he threw it all away.....OK, not in those words - but you know what I mean!!!!<P>What do you think?<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Thanks, Arik - You made me smile. It's awfully good to hear from you again. I hope things do work out somehow, don't see it happening right now though.<P>Momma

OK, Miss Sheba - you have until Tuesday early. I'll give him the letter Tues nite. I asked outright a couple of times. He just told me it was too complicated. Push the issue, he runs like crazy. <P>I still haven't gotten to your e-mail. Cleaned ALL my downstairs carpets today this afternoon! Busy little beaver!<P>I will though. In a bit. Pull your thoughts together, girl!<P>Lori

Hi Lostva -<P>I don't know exactly why yet, but I have this "feeling" (yes, I know that you have to watch out when I get those!!) that this is a time for "something"....<P>Not sure what - but something different!!<P>What sends me in that direction, I think, is that he has spoken to you twice in one day about the house, etc. since hearing about the job......<BR>Seems that he is all of a sudden trying to be concerned and helpful when there is really nothing left....Like it erases his guilt and ineffectiveness with regards to the house and finances with you and D.<P>I'm really not explaining this right cuz I haven't gotten it figured out yet!!! But I will!!!!<P>Do you have any idea of what I mean? Has this "difference" struck a chord with you also?<P>AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! I'll figure it out!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Yup - I sorta do. Just not sure what to do with it. He's ignored me for a couple of weeks. He didn't have to call when he heard about the job. When he called back he wanted to talk to d and they talked for a long time. Funny about wanting to be here b/f Stewart got here so he wouldn't suspect anything, too, huh? Keep thinking. I know I will.<P>Warrior princesses on the move - poor guy doesn't stand a chance. Hey, where's our playwright when we need him?<P>Lori

lolololololololololol!!!!!<P>(INSERT XENA YELL - USE IMAGINATION CUZ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TYPE IT!!)<P>LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLLOLOLOL!!!<P>I'm thinking.....I'm thinking!!!!<P>How does MIL not calling fit in here? That's bothering us - isn't it?<P>(uh-oh .... we are becoming one!!!)

Bothering us to death (sounds rather royal, doesn't it?? )<P>H said she's not returning his calls either. And not answering when he's pretty sure she's home. But he has seen her a couple of times this week. He says she's stressed. I think I'm being cut off 'cause it's all too much for her.<P>I understand. But I hate it!!<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Late getting here. Sjeba may be on to something. After all, what can yo lose by asking him anything at this point? Maybe if he can't answer your question, it might at least get him THINKING about it. Who knows....<P>Sorry for the confusion - one of the most maddening aspects of these affairs!! Thinking of you tonight...<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA - thanks. Went to bed - up again. I hate this. I'll ask some questions, maybe in my letter if he won't give me the chance in person.<P>Lori

I hate not being able to sleep.<BR>The last few nights I've been staying up until my head hit the keyboard.<P>When I do go to sleep I do so with a clear concience.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>