This is my first time telling my story.I lurked around for a while after finding MB in 10/01. (I know this is long, please bear with me.)<p>My WH left to take care of his sick father out of state in 3/99 & spent considerably more time than I would have expected. After his death in 5/99,WH was angry & critical. He stayed to help "take care of things" This went on for a while. He was so angry & with drawn that it was a relief when he left to go there. <p>By 11/99, he basically moved in with a friend & his family. He told me he was going to work out of state, that there was more work there than where we lived. (true,& somewhat common in our area.) This went on & on. When he did come home (a few days per month) he was mean, angry & critical. He got very upset that I spent money (on food & basics) when he was playing golf, and going to restauants, etc.<p>At some point in early 2000, I decided that I was not going to respond to his anger but be calm & try to listen to what he said & see if I could make any improvements that I felt were justified. (didn't know it was a form of plan A) I wanted to have an A to show him someone found me attractive. But I didn't. I was very lonely, hurt & felt rejected. Instead, I worked on myself & realized if all of a sudden I had a perfect H, I would not have been the W I wanted to be. I studied, read, whatever I could find. Meanwhile, I stayed calm when he was at home. (no LB's)<p>Our oldest son went to college near by WH & spent time with WH. Son kept bringing up name of old female friend of WS. I becan to suspect something. son did not return to that college, but stayed closer to home.<p>Just after that, my Dad passed away. We had been very close & I greived. That distracted me for a while. I kept plan A'g (not knowing) yet it seemed no progress. <p>The kids have been affected greatly by their dad being away & when home, he was withdrawn & critical.<p>This fall, when my MIL passed away, I called my WH place where he was staying & a woman answered. I was so shocked, I hung up. Then I tried again & asked & she said she was a "FRIEND" (ha!)(OW2) When I went there for the funeral, I knew something was up. I prayed that God would reveal to me what it was & to give me the strength to deal with it. <p>He did show me. I moved my stuff out & went to stay with my Mom till I left. I felt total devastation. Like I had been shot in the heart. It was so sickening. When I got back home, I got several calls saying that WH was having an A with another name (OW1) ( not one I encountered) I found out that it was true. Sick, sick sick feeling. It would have been easier to deal with death, because that is final, this is not, it goes on & on.<p>WH came home a few weeks later & I was so angry & sick, I was ready to Dv, until I ran into a good friend at church & started to cry. We prayed. I found an email that lead me to Dear Peggy website, then I found MB books & website. I realized that I needed some perspective before I made any descision.<p>Next time Wh came home (11/01) I gave him a letter & told him I knew about the OW2 & that we would talk about it his next visit. He denied that he was having an A. I found out later that it was already over with OW1. I began to have HOPE. Oldest son (college) confronted him & asked what was going on. WH response - business & financial pressures.<p>Next visit was Christmas. He was better with the kids but still distant with me. 2 days after Christmas, WH announced that he was going back the next day! I didn't get to have those talks we needed to have. I felt hurt & alone. The day after he left,I found out that the OW2 who answered the phone & said was a FRIEND, was an A &it was going strong.<p>I couldn't eat, sleep, concentrate, it was living HELL. Shock. I thought now what. Before I was beginning to be interested in him again. Now I was replused. I do not know if I can get through this.<p>I made appointment with Steve. He suggested that my best course of action was to confront him on OW2 & ask WH to call Steve.I was already in a psuedo plan B cuz he lived away from home.<p>To complicate matters, we work together in business. He would call me & talk business but not personal stuff.<p>Last weekend, WH & I went to a convention (1st time alone in many many years) I actually had a good time with him. We exchanged a few of those "glances" at each other. I gave him another letter telling him I knew about OW1&2, that I wanted to make this work, but that I didn't know how. Would he call Steve to start searching out answers. He said he would.<p>I cried when I left the convention. I want this man - I want him to be my husband & be a father to his kids. I am so loney now. I try to put up a brave front for the kids (D16 & S11) at home. I felt something different in WH this trip yet I know we can't just wave a magic wand & make everything ok. I don't know if he even wants to be together & there are times I don't know if I really want to be together. (So much hurt)<p>WH is busy setting up another business out of town. I keep praying that God's will be done. <p>I am very thankful for the strong faith I have in the Lord. He has carried me through. Thanks for staying with me. This forum is a God send. I look forward to your responses.

Dear Legacy,<p>Welcome to Marriage Builders!! It hurt me to read your story. I am so sorry for your pain that you are feeling right now. I want you to know that there is hope and you are doing all the right things. I too am a BS and remember very well how lost and hurt it feels to be betrayed like that. It took alott of time and patience but with help from God, the good people here and reading books like Surviving an Affair and His Needs Her Needs, my marriage was saved.
I have to say though that the most important key to my recovery was exactly what you mentioned. Trust in the Lord!!! Through him all things are possable. I am going to pray for you right now!!<p>Dear Lord, I come to you now with praise and thanks for saving my marraige. I ask you now for a miriacle for this child of yours right now, a complete healing of this marriage. Lord make yourself known to this lost husband and show him the way back home. Bring comfort to his wife, show her a sign that will reasure her that you truly are in charge. Help her to give this whole situation to you Lord and give her the knowledge that she needs to say and do the right things to save this marriage. And Lord, I pray for the children, raveal yourself to them Lord and make good out of all this hardship. In Jesus name I pray. Amen<p>
I will continue to pray for you and when you pray, pray for this to happen now. When Jesus said to Lazarus to rise from the dead, he didn't say tomarrow or next month, he said for him to rise now. Sometimes God has reasons to do things in his time but I belive that He wants us to have true faith to boldly ask him for anything. Thats what I did and things began to happen!<p>Remember don't give up, there is hope!! I'll look in on you when I get home from work. <p>God bless,
SH

Stillhurts,
Thanks for the reply & most of all for the prayer. What hit me was to pray & believe that it will happen NOW. I do believe God is moving in my WH 's life, but the time frame of NOW is important. Thanks.<p>
We had spent a few days together at a convention & it was fun. We had not had time together for many many years. I cried when I left because I want this man. I want to have a Godly relationship and I'm lonley. Last week he called (about business) and I began to have hope again. then all weekend doesn't call (so my thoughts are that he is.......) It was a rough weekend.<p>Tonight I went to the prayer group at our church & 2 of my fiends started to attend because they see how I am handling this with a sense of peace (most of the time!) The Lord is already using this to bring people to him.<p>Again,<p>Thanks for the prayers. I will pray for you as well. <p>Blessings