Although it has been one week since I first started finding out about my husband's secret life, I am still shocked, overwhelmed, devastated and confused. I could really use advice ---- We have been married for 7 1/2 years and have a 2 and a 4 yr old. I am pregnant with our third child that is due in May. Up until last hurs. I thought we were a normal happy family but that has now been shattered. I found out in the past week my husband has had numerous encounters with women online which eventually led to phone calls. The phone calls became boring so he began meeting them in person and eventually decided to have sex with one. The hardest part for me has been that he has admitted things as I have found them out from various sources -- cell phone logs, emails on an account I never knew exsisted, instant messages that were sent to him when I was the one online. He claims he wants to get help and did follow through with finding a Christian counselor for us. We have already met with him once this week. My H appears to be sincere about his desire to win back my trust and keep our family together. I am just so unsure of how I will ever trust him again and how I could ever be intimate with him now knowing he has been with someone else. I read a great book this week about understanding your husband's secret war with sexual addiction
written by Marsha Means but still feel so lost and confused ??? To complicate things further for CHistmas he gave me a cruise that sails on the wk. of Valentine's Day -- should we cancel? should we go work on healing? I just don't know. I am trusting God daily to help me through each day one step at a time.That is one thing this has definetely taught me -- God is the only completely true and faithful being you can count on. If you have advice, similar story or encouragement I would love to hear it.<p>By the way -- I have a tendency to have high blood pressure during pregnancy. All of the stress from this has caused my blood pressure to rise. My doctor hospitalized me for a day to have the baby and my pressure monitored. I have now been put on bedrest in an attempt to keep it down. <p>Please help me!!!!

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 10:07 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Your pain comes through clearly in your post. I agree though that the health of you and your unborn baby should be your foremost concern now. Doctors do not order bedrest without good cause, but you probably already know that. High blood pressure can cause enclampsia, endangering your life (and the baby's). At the very least, high blood pressure threatens the baby's development because the pressure in the placenta blocks the flow of blood to the baby's developing brain. I know this because I have a 4 year old with severe developmental issues due to similar circumstances. So please, please, take care of yourself, rest, enlist help of family and friends for the care of kids and home, and ride out the next few months as quietly as possible. Don't worry about what ANYONE thinks. The next few months will be nothing compared to a lifetime of regrets if you don't take care of yourself. Having said that -- I understand about the shock of finding out about H's A and other indiscretions. My story is very similar. I never thought I would feel "normal" again. Everything sortof felt sick and insane. But its been two months now, and I feel like I am starting to get a grip on life again. Yes, it took that long. But this web site has been a big help. Read the concepts, work on yourself, and keep posting, because it helps. Actually, I really didn't think there was any hope for my H & I to repair our marriage. The concepts found here were very encouraging to me, however, and I spent a lot of time here, reading, researching. (Quietly which is what you should do). After two solid months of telling everyone that he was not interested in saving our marriage, my H told me last week that he would give these concepts a try and work on the marriage. Hmmmmm. Sort of scary because I was starting to get used to the idea of being without him.... But I digress..... So, please take care of yourself, and keep in touch with your doctor, monitor your blood pressure, and do the minimum amount of work you can get by with the next few months. This is far too important. I will be praying for you.

I just joined the forum to day and read your story..I have had a similar rude awaking.
My husband gave me a STD and never warned me about his having it and I wound up with Pnumonia because of it. Oh, by the way he got his self all cleaned up and watched me getsicker and sicker until I finally went to the Docter and recieved the news that changed the way that I seee him now 3 years later ..I'm afraid to have sex with him always wondering if it will happen again.
We went to christian counseling only to have him continue in his adultous life style even after he suggested that we go to see a counseler in the first place.It is very hard to forgive and forget.
Sometimes I get to the point just beyond forgetting then something happens to trigger the old memories all over again.
I have put this matter in My LORD and SAVIORS hand and he has made things liveable around here at last.And has made me realize that He is the Juge in all matters,not me and to remain standing on HIS WORD and keep standing.
I will keep you in my prayers.
May God Bless and Keep you,
incircles [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear D,
I wrote you this great reply but MB logged me out and it was lost GRRRR
Anyway, I said I have 2 small children too. I know your world is crashing BUT I want to offer some encouragement.
YOu are ahead of the game by identifying your H addiction to pornography.
You have time to read so get Torn Assunder by Carder it helped me a lot - wish I would have had it on day1.
You can restore your marriage to an even better place - it can happen.
Its a long ickky road, it hurts, BUT you are not alone.
Email me if you want. I will check on you tomorrow.
Take care of yourself - dont panic.