Linda S, I will copy your post here and we could start here.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Linda S.:
<strong>Hi.......I just found out a month ago husband had a affair........We've been married for over 33 years....and were seperated because I needed more attention and affection from him.....So finding this out was even more hurtful if possible........Having a hard time dealing with.....He is back home.....but I cant get the images out of my mind of him and her .......Makes me sick to my stomach... One minute..crying.....then angry ..then dont want him out of my sight....Want him to hold me continually.....Feel like Im losing my mind.........It hurts so badly....Really need help here....Trying really hard to forget .....but thoughts wont stop coming......Need someone that's been here to say what helped them through.......Thank you.......Linda</strong><hr></blockquote>

Linda,
This is normal feeling, and there is 5 stages of greivance check out my signature below. Have you see your doctor ?. Ask him for medication, and tell him the symptom and tell him that you have marital problem, they know what to do ....<p>Those horrible feeling and horrible image will fade with time. It hurt soo bad and we will survived. Do you have any body close ? close freind or family ? Do not feel ashamed to seek and talk to them bout M problem the one that should be ashamed of is your H.<p>Meanwhile what help me is also reading about MB. Get busy with ready the general welcome below and follow the link as much as you can to take you mind off and focus on something. Those link will help you out learn about MB.<p>Are you still here ? hang in there<p>I have to go home and go w/ my 2 D to dinner but I will check again within an hour. Email me if you need some one to talk to ... <p>Havenly father, please give this woman a strength to go through this strom in her life and give her wisdom to seek Your guidance. Amen.<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

I would like to email you Redhat......not sure how to use this site......and wrote down an email for you I thought.....and sent it back......hacker@yahoo.com..........Mine is Uramzng2me@aol.com............Would like to keep in touch with........Really need to talk to someone thats been there.........Thank you......Linda.............

dear linda s- listen to red- a doctor can really help. i was so in shock i was told i have post traumatic stress disorder. wonderfull gift for christmas isnt it. it does get better. thats not saying the pain magically goes away. there is no magic fix. you will somehow find a strength in yourself so strong it will amaze you. i got on medication and when it kicked in-it can take weeks- it seemed so much clearer. i was able to sort my thoughts and rationally look at things. talk to the people here and vent,cry scream whatever- we all understand your pain. there are so many wonderfull friends here. gods strength to you.

Linda S.,
This site is a support system that provided for free by Harley, God Bless his heart. It is for us (BS/WS) to share, vent, cry and just talk to someone, in trying to working on our M. We try to give opinion and share our life experiences to help others. Take what you need and use it best suite you. This is not an conseling board, you get advice from professional, get it from Jennifer or Steve Harley by calling MB.<p>Learn as much as you can about MB. Get medication, it seems you need it. You need more than healty body and healty mind to work on your M.<p>I got your email and replied back with some info. I will copy your email here and answer it here.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally email by Linda S.:
<strong>
Thank you for responding to my letter.........I have been so upset........All I can think about.......Trying to really hard not to think...but not doing well with.......Doing worse now than in the beginning.........Been 4 wks yesterday.........Still devasated over.........Just cant stop imagining.........Not asking near the questions now.....I asked every little detail of.......I had to know.......very personal questions.........He answered them and was very patient with me......Gave me all the details........address.....took me by there......phones numbers work and home.........and every other detail as well...........Has been very attentive to me.......very remorseful.........cries alot with me.........not as much lately...........Comes out more as anger now........on my part.........but he seems to understand............We both got married virgins..........and this is killing me........I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought this happening..........Had him so spoiled......did everything for him...........well its happened and now have to deal with.............We want this to work out...........He says so glad its over and he is back home.......Guess time will heal........Anywayyyyy.......Thank you again.....really appreciate it..........Take care ......Linda...... </strong><hr></blockquote><p>We all sorry that betrayal of trust happens to us. None of us deserve treated this way. However you have a chance to rebuild your marriage with a better one. Count your blessing that your H is remorsefull and willing to work out M. That is more than most of us have. Most of our WS is still in the fog and amazing how a human being could endure such a pain and prolong pain. Please read this link five steps of greiving It will explain what you are experiencing is normal and many of us still in it. Please buy or borrow it from library SAA (surviving an affair book) by Williard Harley, read it together with H and start from there. If you think you can not "do it yourself", call MB and ask for conseling. Life is too short and your M is too valuable to risk to have a misstep on your recovery.<p>The book will explain how do A begin, how it should end and how to recover from it and most of all how to rebuild it with a fullfilling M that is better than before. Harley uses the MB principal to explain it.<p>It takes two to screw up marriage. It is not to justify your H affair but you have in some way created the environment for it. It could be that you fails to protect your marriage, learn more on EN and LB, you might share some of it. Now H had an affair, it doesn't mean that it is the end of your marriage or your happy marriage. It is up to you to save your M and have a better one. You also need your husband to work on the marriage. There are many have traveled this road and have a fullfilling M. Grief and cry as hard as you can, let it out !!!, when the feeling subside you have work to do. Read SAA and follow it to the T's. anger and resentment will subside w/ time if your H helping you. And it seems that he is willing, now you have to show him how. If bookstore or library is not open yet, follow How to survive infidelity link together with him.<p>
Post here for update or question.<p>I pray for you and your family and may God give guidance and wisdom to both of you to survive this and to have a renew marriage that is a fullfilling married. Amen.<p>Just curious, are you typing your post w/ mobile phone ?.

Hi Redhat,
How are you? Just wanted to let you know still hanging in there. H seems to be doing ok. Been working , says doesnt even think of OW. Trying to believe that. Seems to be trying to be more attentive. Ask me to go everywhere with him. Thats a good thing, better than before. He says will build his trust back. Trying to let him do just that. Though have to admit, not easy to do . Well, hope you're doing ok, and thank you again for coming to the rescue the other day. Been doin alot of reading here. Spend alot of time here. Found lots of good information so far.
Take Care, Linda

Linda S.,
I am doing find, thank you. Hanging in here w/ my 2 D.<p>It seems like your H asking for your help to protect his weakness, which is a good sign. Just be there for him too, it is a withdrawal time. Also ask H to have quality time too, 1-on-1. Actually for male, it is easier to forget A since we usually think with our part between the leg not with our brain. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Make sure you follow the SAA for recovery and first sign of trouble (see nikko's post) you pick up the phone and consel w/ MB.<p>I am happy for both of you. God Bless you and may God give both of you the wisdom and the courage to forgive and may God protects your family in the path of recovery. Amen.

Hi Redhat, Thank you for encouraging words. Not over by no means, but working on it. I ask him all the time is he alright,if he needs to talk, but he says dont think about it. So guess it s true what you said, lol. Men think differently from women. Time will tell,I guess. I'll keep you posted on. Still having pictures of him, especially at night after going to bed. Guess being still and time to think. Really hurts, and makes me angry at the same time. Want to reach over there and knock him out of the bed sometimes. But, have gotten better, dont say a word about it, just lay there and get sick to my stomach at the thought of. Oh well, enough on that, didnt mean to start going on here. Take care of you, let me hear from you and how you're doing. Later, Linda....