My marriage has been struggling for a while now and I have recently found the MB site. It has been painful to see the details of my marriage discussed anonymously, generically but toatally accurately here. The site is excellent but I fear I am too late to keep my family ( 2 lovely boys of 5 and 10 ) together. <p>I have just discovered my wife is having and affair with a married colleague. It is being conducted at work, by secret meetings in the evenings and weekends and incessant text messaging and phoning when she is at home. It seems to me like a childish infatuation but I do not believe he is the perfect man she thinks he is( his current marriage is 3 years old ). She wants to set up home with him. Our stress levels are enormous but we cannot separate until we sell the house and split the funds, which will take months. In the meantime we need to stay friends and live together for the children's sake, trying not to let on to them yet.<p>At the moment she seems totally incapable of honest and reasonable negotiation( we never were good at resolving issues and moving forward ). I'm none too rational myself. I love her and the boys so much that I'm tearing apart inside. <p>Is there anyone out there who has recovered their marriage from such a dire situation or any advice on how to survive this now and in the future while protecting my boys from the devastating effects?

Hi and welcome. I just want to comment on a specific i.e. that your wife is having an affair with a co-worker.
You are the fourth poster I've replied to recently where the WS, your wife, the wayward spouse has had an affair with someone she works
with. If this man has any management line responsability over her you might read the following.
People who put job satisfaction high on their agenda have to please management. Employees are vunerable to compliments made by managers and easily submit to sexual advances. For sales people similar considerations apply with customer staff.<p>1) If a manager seduces an employee he is diverting his work responsibilty and authority for his own personal satisfaction. Senior Management and stockholders need to know their money is being squandered. He should be fired.<p>2) If an employee submits to these advances they should realise that they are being employed and paid to provide sexual services. They are prostitutes.<p>3) If a manager seduces an employee in his own department the other employees career interests are prejudiced.<p>Let us suppose a manager is attracted to an employee. What whould they do ?<p>IMHO one of the following.<p>Change jobs so that he has no management relationship directly or indirectly with the employee.<p>Wait until the employee moves to a job where there is no management relationship.<p>You will find excellent material on this site about marriage and the realtionship with you wife. I just wanted to give you my 2 cents on the work aspects.<p>Good Luck

Yes, I have been there done that.......I wouldn't want to take up 3 or 4 hours of your time to explain it all, but the point is: you CAN get through it! I was a BS and my d-day was 4/3/00.....these days my H and I have a great relationship...much better than it probably would have ever been had the A not occurred. (I know that sounds ludicrous to you right now, but I SWEAR it can happen).<p>I am SO sorry for your pain. I DO know how it feels. I don't know exactly how YOU feel, and would never assume that I could put myself in anyone's shoes, but I do know that it is the worst possible pain that anyone could ever endure. Give yourself a little bit of a break, take care of yourself, and keep coming here for companionship, inspiration and some occasional advice [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I remember the first time I came to this site, I had the same question....aren't there ANY success stories out there?<p>I would like to say firsthand that there ARE many success stories, although unfortunately, when most of us become success stories, we stop visiting this site (that is a good thing, in a way). The best news is that when we leave, we take with us a vast amount of knowledge that we didn't have before.<p>If you will read the Harley books and follow their principles and "rules", you will come out of this most horrible situation much better than you can imagine at the present time. It will be the "Road Less Travelled"......simply because it is the most difficult way. But along the way, you will become a much better person.<p>I will never forget my first reaction to my H's affair. I filed for divorce, immediately, because I was not going to be treated that way. I discovered the Harley books at the most opportune moment. Once I read them, I realized that I had more to do with what was happening in my life than I would care to admit. <p>I do feel for you, and I hope that what I've said has eased your mind a bit. You can become much more informed by frequenting General Questions II.....that's where everyone is.<p>Bless you, and I hope everything works out for you.<p>B