My name is Bridgette. I hve been married now for almost 6 years and we have a 6 month old son. I have been told by my husand recently that he had an affair with someone from high school. I AM MAD,ANGRY, CONFUSED, HURT AND NUMB! I don't know what to do. All of these feelings and I have a child to think about. During his confession, my husband tells me "he wants to work on us, he loves me ....blah,blah, blah...." This sounds like a bunch of BS, if he "loves me" how could he have done this and why is it that he should even think that I could resume my life as his wife knowing that I was not deserving of the vows he made me simply because he was going though a mid-life crisis????? I don't know how to repair myself or my trust towards him. I feel like an even bigger fool because he knows that I love him and to him that is an advantage. I AM HUMILITATED! All I can think about is another woman touching him ---- him touching her, all that was special and sacred to me is now nothing and has been cheapend by this "mistake". What do I do ~ how do I pick up the pieces? I have no one to ask --- because I am embarassed that I love a man that could do this to me ---- I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT to even say that I love him. How does anyone get over this, should I even get over this or screw him like he screwed me (no pun intended). Please help if you can.

BRIDGETTE,<p>This is a normal reaction when people greive. Check 5 stages of greives on my signature. No one is entitled to an A regardless, it is an act of betrayal and selfishness. Welcome to MB. You should learn as much as you can about MB. Check under my signature below and start with General Welcome. Learn as much as you can about Instinct&Habit, EN, LB, LB$ and plan A/B. Then comeback and follow this link Can't We Just Forgive and Forget?.<p>Your first gut reaction is revenge, don't. Do not go lower than H in his behavior, it won't make you feel better and it might make you feel bad in the long run. Be the wise one, hold on to your value. You could survive this fidelity, many has travel this road and have a happy marriage. Buy or borrow SAA from library and read it then give it to your H.<p>This is my 2¢. Take H's word like Thinker sugest you to do on the other post that you have. How ?. He is remorse and hope is willing to work on M. Tell him if he is sincere with his regeret, he should agree to seek a conselor of your choice. (Find the one who practice MB). He should agree to work on M as MB prescribe. Send no contact letter, to OW. Tell H that inorder to restore trust he should agree to be accountable for his time, to be accountable for $ and be opens on all means of communication such as email, cell phone log & pin. Tell him that you don't know if this is out of his guilt or out of his love but you love him and willing to work on M.<p>Ask him as much as you can about the detail ... i.e why ? listen his excuses and justifications, some of them are excuses you could ignore but if it is a fact, you have to be willing to change that. (Basis of your plan A). how ? listen and take note how he deceive you so that you could properly taking percausion not to repeat. who ?, name, address, age and so on. So you know who is OW. It will help you heal and him too.<p>You are not lower than him, you are wiser than him. Even every body could have A easily, you choose not to. Your H is weaker than you in that moment to start his A, regardless the reason. Hang in there, o'k ?. The path of recover is verry narrow and you do not want to missteps.<p>One thought comes accross my mind, if OW is minor, do not send letter or email but wrote one out and make a three way call for you H to tell OW. He could be charged with it, most states could charge your H with rape.<p>Be a noble wife - Proverb 31:10-31.

Bridgette, First take 48 hours to cool down. Then decide what you "think" you want to do. I do not envy you the rollercoaster ride you are about to take. I've been through it twice. Why twice? Because I love my wife that much. Both of her A's had a start in my not meeting her needs and someone else being there to meet them. Both of her A's have taugh me a great deal about becoming a better husband. Enough about me. This is about you. Yeah I sometimes feel like a fool for taking her back in and loving her after the thought of her being with another man. Trust is totally shattered but we're working on it. Your goal now is to survive one day at a time. Focus on your son. He needs you. And post aand vent your feelings here. Like redhat said, many of us have been down the road you're going down. We're all surviving and you will to believe it or not. I feel this site saved my life. Let it help you too!

Bridgette,
Hang in there, this ride is hard. It really is a rollarcoaster ride of your life. Many ups and downs and the ocational loop "d" loop. I really hope that what your husband said to you
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> <hr></blockquote>During his confession, my husband tells me "he wants to work on us, he loves me .. <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> <hr></blockquote><p>This could be one of two things. He may really be sorry and truly wants to try and fix things, or (hopfully not) he may be just trying to cover his tracks. In eather event you really need to concintrate on "PlanA". It is a remarkable thing, a true eye opener.<p>"PlanA" will help you figure out where things went wrong and help you to find yourself as well.<p>When this all first started for me, it was easy for me to understand how it happened. But with "PlanA" I was and am able to understand what I needed to do to really fix things. No things are not fixed yet but there are really on there way. Sometimes you have to fix yourself first. I am not saying that you were or had anything to do with your H having an A on you but it does help to start somewhere. But for me it is starting right here within myself. I think if you could or can make enough Love Deposites your H will never even consider looking elsewhere for any needs to be met by anyone else but you. <p>Take care of yourself, and by all means, do not try and get back at him by doing something that you will regret later. Your Marriage can be fixed.<p>I will check back tomorrow [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]
Bryan