My story.<p>Married 6 years in March. 3 kids (1 from her previous relationship).<p>On Jan 10, my wife dropped the bomb. 'I need time', 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you', etc. Nothing different than everyone else. She had been to 2 counseling sessions. She said she needed some space so she could sort out her feelings. I moved out.<p>I've read 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' and it has helped me understand how things got to this point. I've been to 2 sessions as well now. This website has also been a great help. When I feel angry, I read and understand and that makes me feel better. I want to save our marriage.<p>She has been talking to OM about her feelings and she says that he has been very supportive. That he recommended she see counseling.<p>Last weekend she went away for work and he went as well and they slept together. She says she didn't plan it and that she was very sorry.<p>I told her I needed her to end it and she is going away again this weekend and she plans on telling him to not contact her anymore, when she gets back. She says she still wants me to stay away so she can sort out her problems. I want to do what she asks, and she seems sincere in her effort to figure out what she needs.<p>My question.<p>Can I plan A from a distance? How do I do that?<p>Thanks,

1. Move back home!<p>2. Move back home!<p>3. Move back home!<p>and it you missed it...<p>4. Move back home!!!<p>You're being away is saying....
...1. you're not married any more
...2. you're not fighting to save your marriage
...3. the kids are second class citizens
...4. fatherhood doesn't count
...5. husbandhood doesn't count!
...6. your covenental relationship... isn't<p>While it is possible to Plan A long-distance...
...it is incredible hard...
...and will have a lesser impact on showing your W that you can change your patterns!
...and her seeing a "better" you... can (but no guarantees) save your marriage.<p>If she moves out...
...so be it.
Let it be her decision... in front of your friends... family... and God!<p>You go home right now...
...give your kids some mighty big hugs...
...tell them... as the head of the "home"... you will never leave again... (and mean it!)
...if your W will take them... an few good ones for her...<p>...and let her know that your marriage is worth the struggles!<p>Make sure you understand that the primary purpose of PLAN A is to make you a better person....
...and that starts with (1) loving your God (2) loving your W (3) loving your kids (4) loving yourself!!!<p>Rolling off the planet and fallin off the edge is NOT Plan A!<p>"Giving in to your W"... when she is "not in her right mind"... is NOT Plan A!<p>Get back home!<p>With much love intended...
...because we care about YOU too!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

How can I do that? This is the one thing that she has asked me to do, how can I say no? What argument can I give her that won't just make her angry? I want to move home, but I want to do what she asks too.<p>Thanks,

You know what is right.<p>Your W knows what is right too!<p>Step up to her and be HONEST.
---------example------------
Honey...
...I know times are difficult now...
...and they may not get any easier in the future...<p>...but I've made the decision to move back home!<p>I'll be moving my stuff back this coming Saturday...
...and I'd like some time to talk to the kids about it too.<p>When I left, I was unclear on how to handle the situations I was faced with...
...now I am claer... I am focused.... I am changed... and I will continue to be better!<p>I know you might not want to work on our marriage now... or even in the future...
...but there is no way... through a continued separation... is there any chance of us reconciling.<p>I'm willing to try... and show you how I can in all truth... change for the better!
If you are not... that is your decision.<p>For the benefit of the "chance of reconciliation"...
For the benefit of the children...
For the benefit of all concened...
For the will of God...<p>...I am coming home.<p>--------example----------<p>Just saying "whatever you want honey"....
...is NOT PLAN A!<p>Right is right!
Wrong is wrong!<p>You know what to do.
Now do it!<p>From a veteran...
...whose been through it all...
...(including the divorce)...<p>I say this with love...
...I say this with conviction.<p>Get back home!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

I'm praying for you...<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR