Hello,<p>I am brand new to this message board and have been reading the postings all morning long. I am amazed at all of the people who are starting to love and live life again.<p>I am a Male 32 with 2 children. 3 yr old and a 18 mth old girls. My W is 24 and younger than I.<p>About 4 weeks ago I came home and logged on the internet. I hit the drop down menu address bar and was shocked to find a website address there called, "www.man.com". I went there and was etremely amazed to see what I saw. A chat room, at least "x" rated in content.<p>I had to ask her what this was. She claims she has no idea, then that she went there on accident, etc... I of course don't think that I believe this. <p>I have since then started investigating our computer to see if she is being infidel via the internet. I have found 6 different chat programs downloaded on my computer, all hidden. I have found a picture of some middle eastern man and found her MSN chat room name listed as "Amilyn1D".<p>She claims she knows nothing, that she has no idea where any of this stuff came from, that she is innocent, that she has not had an affair of the heart and she seems to have what I call the Bill Clinton Syndrome. "I can't remember..." "I'm not sure..." Blah Blah Blah. What is this crap??<p>I am sooooo confused and need advise on what to do. I have this Gut ache that won't stop. There is so much more that I have not told you about so if anyone has questions let me know?! Right now I am just simply and merely existing in this relationship. I have not left because She has not admitted it yet.<p>Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Micheal,
Welcome to MB. First please learn as much as you can about MB, about EN, LB, LB$ and plan A/B. Go though the links on my signatures. Decide if you want to save your M.<p>Please stop confronting her, it won't change her and all you are doing is pushing her. Even you have a hard prove, I would not suggest you to confront her if you want to save your M.<p>Print out LBQ and ENQ from this site, fill it in for your wife. Guess what is hers. Sit down with her one on one w/o kids or distractions, ask her 1. If she is happy 2.If she would like anything for you to change for her. 3.Whta small small thing that bugs her in day to day or in M. Listen to her complaints, never try to dispute it ... hmm, uh, ooh are the prefers responses. Listen carefully. Listen to the excuses (justifications) and the issues (facts). The facts are your basis to plan A'ng her.<p>I would also install some software tracking for snooping. I would stack her behavior against the 50 signs. Remember, even you have a prove of her PA ... do not confront her at all. Walk away from it and then decide if you want to save your M.<p>Come back here for updates and questions.<p>btw: are there any teenagers or adults that have access to the computer ?.

Thanks so much Redhat! I will go read and learn what you suggested and come back to let you know what I have discovered.<p>Redhat I have read the 50 signs and she fits into about 80-90 % of them? What does that mean? Do you think that i am crazy to think something is going on?<p>P.S. What are all those capitalized code letters you write?<p>
Any body else out there with a similar story?<p>Micheal

W/ 50 signs, it means that she might have A. But now you have to move carefully and make a journal on her time and money ... see the pattern. Do not confront her at all.<p>For acronym, look at my signature there is a link ... EN - Emotional Need. LB - Love Busters. LB$ - Love Bank. M - marriage.<p>I detect some insecurity on your part about your W's love to you even before this incident. In my culture, recomended age different is 7 years. I guess we expect to be more mature in the relation. Do not jump into the gun even with hard prove on your hand.<p>Again, does anyone else use the computer ?.