Okay,<P>So I'm now divorced. In some ways I am reluctant to post because obviously I am not "Marriage Building" anymore! But, I guess we're all at different stage of this thing, so... <P>With the finality of the D, I find myself with a renewed sense of control. It's been building over the last year, culminated with this event. I am ready to move forward. I got a X-mas tree glowing in the living room, X-mas music humming through my home and my 2 babies sleeping in the next room. All is right. These are the things precious to me; peace, warmth, security. I always tried to SHARE all that was within me, with my W. I really did. <P>I think the success stories here show a kind of true love SHARED. There are steps that must be taken to insure, that if there is this bond, it must be given a chance to survive. Alas, there are some of us here that don't share this, however, WE gave/give it our best shot. Gave/give our spouse an opportunity to take (sincere) advantage of what we have to offer. Truth is, we may be all created equal, but all bets are off after our "creation". My W is a wonderful, caring woman, but she DOES have some serious things going on, that I could never "fix" by myself. When you try and try (before and after the tradgedy), and you know in your heart and soul, you gave all; then you fail, you question yourself to the point of self-destruction. If you do self-destruct, you're giving up a gift. <P>Some things just have to run their course I guess. 7 months ago, I could never have imagined myself happy. Today I am. Sundays don't suck ! So much in life we have to be thankful for, dismissed by the misery of a loss. What a waste. I lost a year, but I gained a lifetime. I don't dismiss that my W and I could ever get back together, but I wouldn't change much about myself, I have a feeling she would much about herself. That's the point I finally got to. I do deserve care, I am a good guy, didn't deserve the treatment I got during this marriage. Man, if she can "get happy" with herself, she'll be a hellava catch. I will always have that faith in her. <P>Unfortunately, I am the worst person for her right now. She's the best person for her right now. I cannot heal her hurts, she has to.<P>Now to debunk everything I've written , she dropped the kids off, got snotty, then called and apologized. Then, when discussing the details about how to "divide" the kids for the holidays, invited me to New Year's Eve with her and the kids at a mutual, married couple's home. <P>Many who read this may say "great!", however, whenever I've been given an "opportunity" like this and taken it, it's gone in a negative direction. I did it our whole marriage. Am I just a doormat? All of my "plan A" stuff sent us in a uncool direction. Maybe I am an enabler, maybe she's just evil? <P>Yeah, I've done "B" too, and that does seem to give me more attention, but not a marriage, not the marriage I want anyway. I am at the point where I just don't want her back, I want to SHARE my life with someone who wants to SHARE theirs with me too!<P>By the way, I don't usually have the kids tonite, but she had a party to go to! I'll take that every time! They are the goods! Also though, as far as my W's concerned, food for thought? Can you say "used"? Do you think this invite is just another attempt to sting me along? "Do you hear what I hear?", great X-mas song!<P>This is a great time of year, keep in mind what it really means. I've always loved birthdays!<P>Eric32

Oh, Eric,<P>I have been thinking about you all week. What a great post. Your mind and your heart are right. You are a man who can not fail. You might be divorced, but by God, it is definitely your W's loss. Some other woman is going to be mighty lucky later on when you are ready for another relationship.<P>Who knows if she is reaching out in her own weird way about the New Year's Eve party? Maybe there is some way back through PlanMedic - friendship....If not as a couple, it certainly will be helpful in dealing with the kids.<P>You are so far along the road of healing of yourself. I am so happy for you - you have taken life's lemons and made a wonderful lemonade!!!!<P>Thanks for sharing your newfound hope and joy of life with us all. Drop us a post here and there to let us know how your life is progressing. With your great attitude, surely more good things are to come!!!!<P>Best of luck and the happiest of holidays to you and your children......<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited December 13, 1999).]