I am looking for the strength to get thru these next few days. I have 5 finals over the next four days. I'm trying to finish up my degree over the next 6 months. I know that I am supposed to focus on myself and studying would certainly be doing that, but I am having trouble. I haven't heard from H and he is with OW now. H also has finals this week. I resent school right now because I feel that the distance between our respective schools is what drove him to OW. I don't understand how he has just 'forgotten' me over the last 5 weeks. I'm totally venting now, so if my thoughts seem random, please forgive me. I just wish H would give our marriage a chance. I have this horrible feeling that he is just waiting for his finals to be over before he files. I'm so scared and I can't do anything about it. I can't stop him. I even wrote a letter to Santa asking him to bring H back for X-mas. How sad is that? I've sent H e-mails, probably too many. He doesn't respond. I've tried to be nice and wish him well, but it kills me not to hear from him. I guess OW has totally captivated him. How can I win him back if he won't talk to me and never sees me? Won't he just forget me? You all are very strong people to be making it thru such tramatic ordeals with such grace.

I don't have a lot of advice to give right now, I am not in a "good emotional place" right now. I just wanted you to know that I will pray for you to keep focused on your finals for right now. And also that God will give you the strength and grace to carry on even when it seems that you are at the end of a very short rope. God bless...<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>