Seahorse - I just composed a long post to you and then hit some button and lost the reply. Ugh.

Thank you for checking in with me in the ongoing thread with Elad. I am still in a state of limbo, but am reconciled and actually ok with getting a divorce. I am at the point where I do not envision reconciliation and am imagining what my life will be like in the future without WH. Thinking about where I will live (I cannot afford the house I am in alone) and actually thinking about other men/the possibility of someone else in my life.

It sounds as if you are in the same place and that you are doing remarkably well. I am sure, like me, you still get sad from time to time, but that you have embraced a new life.

I hope you keep posting. It seems you are a few steps ahead of me and it helps me to read what you are doing and how you are feeling. It has really helped me feel as if I am going to be ok.

It is spring here and the first flowers are blooming and the trees blossoming. My outlook is so different than it was last spring.

I found your thread, and clicked to post, and I grinned the biggest grin. When I think of you now, I think of you as doing much better. Not that you don't have troubles, but you also have skills that you didn't have before. I know you still have bad days, but I don't think the pain can destroy you or cause as much harm as it once did.

Just checking in to see if you are tucked in and sleeping soundly.

SS

With some, silence means they are doing well, but this time with you, I wonder.

Is it still a hard fight?

SS

Hi All,

Sorry SS, I forget that you worry about me. My dad does the same if I forget to ring in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well, what a week!

I recieved the D papers, signed them and sent them back. My marriage will officially end on the 24th June. I've chosen to be present at the hearing - just one of those silly things I need to do to make sure that I realise the marriage is over. (I have a tendency to go into denial about things like that in case you didn't notice).

Anyway...

I had a buyer for the house a couple of weeks ago - she couldn't get the finance and it fell through.

Then I had another buyer last week - they couldn't get the finance and it fell through yesterday.

Then a couple came last night and I have another buyer - hopefully these ones will be OK.

Its sad and good at the same time. I am very relieved that the situation will soon be over (if this sale does go ahead), as I have been getting very stressed with it all.

The last two weeks haven't been so good for me. I suspect its like a one year anniversary thing - both the separation (which was 8/4) and then mum's death (30/4). Anyway I made it through. I'm just tired. I'm very worn out from all this as I feel that life is just too chaotic right now.

Work is extremely busy and very stressful. I have been saying no and telling my boss my situation but things aren't improving. I am still looking for another job, as I figure its time to move on in all respects now - major life change.

Still doing my Salsa classes. Did a dive a few weeks ago, doing the yoga, etc. Even had another two dates - one went well, one didn't. And yes SS I'm being careful and drawing boundaries! YAY for me!

Its all happening.

I saw H last weekend, he came out to mow the lawn. He has put on heaps of weight, which really shocked me. I've never seen him like this. I thought that if something like this happened I'd feel good, you know, like "see, he's not happy", but actually I felt really sad and sorry for him as I still care a great deal for him. Its a strange feeling.

What? Me worry?

Can I talk about that?

After a person has had as many troubles as you have had, it is hard for them to know what is normal. You know a lot of my reasons for worry, even better than I do.

I can see the up's and downs continue. In fact, the only things that remain steady in your life are your dad, your own ability to cope, and God's willingness to help if things go too far. You do much better now than even November or December.

I can see that you are doing better by the comments you make. You don't need as much help now as you once did, and you will get to be like Forgiver and not really need us. I am glad you have support from flesh and blood friends you get to see and talk to. That is important.

I don't mean to tell you want to do, or how to do things, but I say what I do because I want you to be happy. Most of all, I hope you have faith in yourself, because it is right for someone as good as you are to have faith in them self. Your H's failures are not your failures. We all have to deal with failures in life, and it is how we do it that makes us into the person we want to be. You are becomming that better person you wanted to become, but everything costs.

All the best.

SS

Hi All,
Yes SS its true, somedays normal is ???? somedays that's ok, others I feel like a fish (seahorse) out of water... lol, what a pun.

Again, somedays I have faith and others I have to try really hard to have faith.

We are exchanging contracts for the house this weekend, we have nearly reached an agreement on the financial settlement. I saw ex-H tonight and I know that it is best I am not with him - he really is heading down a path that's not for me. His idea of fun is a strip club with mates, drinking and late nights and golf. Mine is SCUBA diving, surfing, visiting new places, catching up with family, going out with friends and dates, pampering myself at home, playing with the dog, planning holidays, going to yoga, going to dance classes, need I go on? I enjoy my life - although sometimes I overdo it and get tired and grumpy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Anyway, things are moving along and it won't be long before I am packing up and moving back to where I started!

I'm still doing a lot of 'head' work, trying to find out who I am, where I should go (to live and with work), what I like and how to be 'me'. Its very hard sometimes - you don't always like what you find or discover about yourself and who you really are. Sometimes you fight it and want to be something else, but you have to get real.

Anyway, mother's day this weekend, and I will visit the grave. I know she's with me.

SH

Hello Seahorse -- I wanted you to know I was thinking you today and your visiting your mum's grave.

You sound well in this last post. I would give anything to be able to go out and have a pint or a margarita with you and share stories. I think I am finally ready for a divorce. I don't get as sad about it as I used to and seeing WH just leaves me feeling worn out and frustrated.

We've come to agreement on not selling the house until next spring. The positive on this decision is it gives me time to figure out where I'm going to live/what I'm going to do. The negative is that it still provides some attachment to WH, which is probably not a healthy thing right now. The house is very old and I love it, but it takes some constant hard labor that WH wants to do and I need him to do -- I'm just trying to figure out how to make that happen when I am not there.

We have agreed on the disposition of assets, but WH has yet to share the financial documents necessary to file. We were trying to save money by filing jointly with no issues, but this cannot happen without these last pieces of paperwork. I've given myself a deadline of end of May to see if he provides it or I will file alone. Yuck.

Where will you be moving? What is happening with your job?

Happy Mothers Day -- I know that may seem an odd thing to say since your mother is no longer here, but I think she'd like you to remember the happiness she gave you in her life today.

Peace.

Seahorse,
You are a very thoughtful person. I don't know if you have always been, of if you learned it from the experiances of the last year or so.

I could comment quite a bit about all that you said, but I will limit it to this.

When you look, find someone thoughtful that wants to know that side of you. I don't know if golf will do it this time round. Even when you find the right peson, the journey is often still uphill in a storm, but it's nice to have someone to lean on when you are tired.

I hope your mum does look after you, they do it best, here or there, it doesn't seem to matter.

I continue prayer in your behalf for a better, happier life.

SS

Hi USH and SS.
USH I am shocked to hear about your father. I posted on your thread, but just know I'm thinking of you.

Well, the exchange of contracts for the house went through yesterday. Settlement will be eight weeks. I am glad its happened, even though I know this is going to hurt. I am ready, I am scared, but I've been through worse so I'll face it and deal with it as best I can.

Seemed to have reached a final financial agreement with H. That hurt too. I told him that the way he treats me is not acceptable and I don't think I can be his friend in these circumstances. It was very painful.

I'm surviving, its nearly over. Then it will be onward and upward and I'm as scared as hell.

SH

I'm surviving, its nearly over. Then it will be onward and upward and I'm as scared as hell.

It's our view of things that makes us afraid, not actual events.

Lets go back to say - about a week before you knew about any of this. Your world was about to cave in but you didn't know it so you weren't afraid.

Let's say things are about to go well for you now, but you don't realize it, so you are still afraid.

It's only the view from where you sit that makes you fear defeat, life is full of many aisles, so why don't you change your seat? ( Anonymous)

Examine what you have been able to do so far, and please realize that you have what it takes to make it. I know it's not a cure all, but it should help.

His rejection still affects your self-image - but it won't have that power forever.

You have more power than you think, find a way to turn it on.

Hello SS and other lurkers (FBOW are you still about?)

Well, firstly, I am less stressed now the contracts have exchanged. Its weird, I know that moving is going to hurt but at the same time I'm excited because there's a growing awareness that I could do almost anything (which is kind of what your saying, isn't it SS?). I just have to a) trust myself and b) be courageous.

Thanks for your words SS, I am getting that message in one form or another from all sorts of places at the moment. I know that fear is and always has stopped me doing many things in my life. The difference is now I am aware of it and now I feel that I have not a lot to loose and probably more to gain if I take certain risks or if I am faced by certain situations.

Our property settlement (between H & I) will be settled by the end of the week.

USH, If you check in here I wonder how you are?

Seahorse:

You came on here about the same time I did. I think you've done remarkably in the time you've been here.

My bet? Your strength will outpace your fears!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
-2long

Thanks 2long, your support is appreciated.

No update really. 7 weeks and I'm outta here.
Next week will sign property settlement.

Went diving today but its raining and miserable here and didn't see a great deal although I had fun.

All is well.

I hope that all is well still holds up.

I am still at work, and have to go home andpack up to leave early tomorrow, so I am not doing anyone much good for a few days. You sounded better, I am glad.

You sound so well in fact, that I don't know how I can help right now, so I'll just leave you and trust you to continue to improve.

Merry Christmas, and happy new year.

FBOW, I'll get round soon. I think you are in recovery. Do you?

SS

Hi Liz,

Just checking in, so you know someone is out here. Not looking for anything really, wondering how you are doing, hoping for the best.

I sat for a minute, and thought, but nothing else comes to me right now.

SS

You must be OK.

SO I'LL TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT YOU.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
SS

<small>[ June 11, 2003, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS and all. I am doing well, just tired from packing boxes. I've got just under 4 weeks to go now. I moved some stuff to dad's today.

Besides packing I've been diving once (and probably won't again now as winter has arrived!), and doing weekly Salsa classes, which is fun.

Still problems at work that I'm being unwillinging dragged into fighting other people's battles - it involves the union and worker's comp to do with bullying and harassment - I really don't need this and I'm absolutely fed up with it. Sometimes, people need to know what battles to fight and which one's to let go. Urgghhh! I'm going to try to get out of it - I have my life to get on with, not muck around with people who can't forgive.

Anyway, that's another story again and I don't want to bore you.

I've two weeks till my divorce, that will be awful, but closure.

Keep well all.
Liz

Hi Seahorse,
You seem to deal well with problems around you, and I wish you you will get your "closure" and from that it may will be easier. I know you learned and earned your approach to problem identifying and solving. I admire you for that.
You will decide about the job too, when the time comes. Not everything at once.
I find it easier in my situation to understand what happened, what's happening, and what will probably happen. I am still far from accepting parts of it. It is probably true the sooner I'd do it, the better.
Anyway, keep up with your fun activities too, and cherish your relationship with Dad. We celebrate Father's day tomorrow, so all the best to him and you.

Have good, even if busy, weekend.
FBOW

Hi Guys, I'll be really brief as I've got heaps to do...

Basically I made a mistake with the settlement date and have now had to vacate two weeks earlier. Although it caused a fair bit a stress, its working out OK and means I get my new life sooner, so I'm dealing with it.

Tomorrow I will offically be divorced and single again. c'est la vie!

Doggy is a little stressed with all the moving action, but I'm sure he'll be fine. He gets to spend long days with my dad from Wednesday on!

Other than this, I am well and no other news - gosh do you need any more?

I may be away for a while till I get my computer set up at dad's so....

cya!
Liz

Change is always.........
Change is always ........well, it's ........... shoot, it's lots of things.

It can be fun, but not always. It is usually a learning experiance, but sometimes we learn things we never wanted to know.

I believe you will make it positive. I think YOU can do that. Some people can't.

I do get the feeling that you are going on with life and don't intend to let it get you down.

Spend some time with your Dad while you have the chance. He won't always be here, and if you don't now, it may haunt you later. I don't know your Dad, but he must be a pretty good sort of person, or I don't think you would be quite what you are now.

Mexico - I was there Tuesday but only for a few hours on business. It can be a fun place. I hope you enjoy yourself.
If you end up visiting the Grand Canyon, ( north rim) come by and see us, the wife and I will buy you lunch.

SS

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>