My d-day was 12-31-01. My H is in another country in vet school with OW. HE has cut off all contact except for 2 e-mails and 2 phone calls. His mail and calls both said he loved me and he was sorry for putting me through this he was sorry for being selfish, He still needs time.<p> i have been plan Aing my bu** off. So far so good. <p> My in laws are very supportive they call me one to two times a day. They have disowned him and are very hurt. They are from Italy. He is their only son. THey adore me. Needless to say they can not handle him or themselves very well right now. i have taught them about plan A and NO LBING!!!!!! They have a very hard time with LBing.
My FIL wrote an E-mail saying my H's time is running out. He better move out, end the A and call his me to tell me he loves me and and he wants to work on our M and grovel to make this back up to me. I never said that!!!! I am in plan A!!!! They have a hard time with this plan A thing.
My H called them this morning his 2nd call to them since d-day. They LB him by saying some of the following (My MIL and FIL were on the phone with him)
"Please don't break my heart. Please don't take our dreams away. Please give us our lives back. I know in my heart you will do the right thing. You will make us proud. You know what you need to do. You know how much we love you and you know how much we love (FORGIVER). please don't take that away from us. We work so hard to help you get there ( they paid off our debt so he could go) we were so proud of both of you. You don't know how much you hurt us we cry every day and your father never cries. When the last time you see him cry? Now he cry everyday. It's a like a you a staba me in de heart (think of reading this with strong italian accent. I type in english accent sorry). we feel like a building has fallen and crushed us. we want you to be happy but the only way you can be happy is if you are by yourself to make up your mind. You have to move out. That will clear your mind. Please make us proud we love you and want you and (me) to be happy. then we will be happy again and we can put this behind us.<p> UGHHHHHH!!! major LBing from them. I told them I don't want him to move out from their house until he is sick of her. not until reality sets in for him. I want A to DIE a natural death. What do I say to him if he calls?<p> The last time thy said all that stuff to him was on d-day. He siad he made his choice and he was not moving anywhere he needs her.
Now when they said this to him again he only kept saying " I'm sorry, I know, I will" I told them, you can't trust him yet! i hope he's telling the truth but be prepared for the worst!
Thanks fro reading this long wind.
Forgiver<p>[ February 10, 2002: Message edited by: Forgiver ]</p>

Forgiver,<p>Do you know why A has to be open in the day light ?. It is not only to pop the fantasy out so that they look at A in reality but also let others to judge them ... so that someone else will lecture H not you. It is ok'ed for other to LB for H but not you. However you do not want to mingle their family affairs, you could tell them fact but not manipulating them. My FIL & BIL will come this month and confront W and will disown her too. I told them that W is lost and I explained what I am doing in plan A. Any actions that they are going to do is their internal family bussiness but I appreciate any fyi that they are given me. After D-day and my WW's rejection fo working out M, I wrote a letter to "release" my self of responsibility of W, to return her to her family. I have ask W hand's for M and I have to tell them that A and continues disrepect of M and I honor my W will but I am not supporting it.<p>Do not get panic, FIL & MIL could LB'ed all their want ... it is their son. Let them educate H on what is right and what is wrong in life. Let them tell you H about their pain that A has cause them. Let them reach H in his fog. By getting involve in their affair is an LB on your part.<p>When H realized what he has to loose compare to A, the reality will sink in. A will die naturally.

i have taught them about plan A and NO LBING!!!!!! They have a very hard time with LBing.
So? Them love busting has nothing to do with you or your marriage. Plan A/LB is for you & your marriage, not them.<p>I told them I don't want him to move out from their house until he is sick of her. not until reality sets in for him. I want A to DIE a natural death.
But if he moves out of their house, he will have more time with ow & the affair will naturally die much quicker.

ditto redhat and chris<p>If your in-laws are busting your H, GOOD! Just don't interfere. <p>If they ask you questions, answer honestly. If they question your actions, give them a copy of SAA, perhaps - depending on how close your relationship with them is.

Thanks Redhat, Chris and WAT,<p> I love Redhats advice. I always do. He has been through this whole thing with me from day one. I respect his advice and look to him for guidance and strength. It is nice to hear from others as well.<p>Chris,
Thanks for taking the time to post for me I really appreciate it.
My H lives with OW. "Their" house is not my in-laws but my H and OW. My H started A two weeks after meeting OW. I went to country where they are for 2 months. At that time I think A was EA. After I left it went PA but I don't know for sure. I allowed H to move in with OW because he said they were just friends. I just thought they were classmates. I trusted him 200%. A started in April. I had NO IDEA!! Dday was 12-31-01. He was in USA for two weeks for break. Left to be with OW on 1-1-02. Left to go to other country on 1-4-02. he cut all communication with friends and family.<p>WAT
Thanks to you too. i have read your posts and respect your judgements as well. My IL's and I are VERY close. They support me 110%. They have set boundries and said OW will never be allowed on their property. He has only called them 2 times since dday. The first time he hung up on them. THe second time his answers to their questions were " Iknow, I will". They said he was much calmer and seemed remorseful. the first time he called them his answers were "NO WAY!!! I AM NOT MOVING OUT AND NEITHER IS SHE I NEED HER> I HAVE MADE MY CHIOCE!!"<p> I know you can't believe what they say so I wait and wait and wait. He has yet to tell me he has made his choice. All he says to me is he's sorry, I don't deserve this, he does not know what he is giong to do, he needs to think about where he wants his life to go, he needs more time he is sorry for hurting me and sorry for hurting her. (How has he hurt her?)<p> I am in Limbo.<p>Forgiver

Hey Guys,
Going to see my counseler in a few minutes, so glad he has night hours.<p> One thing, Was it a LB to tell h "It scares me that you think about me everyday because I do not know what you think of me right now?" I also said "I'm sorry I don't do it for you anymore."
Did I LB? H and I have not spoken about A yet.
please let me know. Thanks
Forgiver

Don't worry about what might have been an LB - you can't take it back. Besides, it's the WS who determines what is an LB. What you or i think is or shouldn't be an LB can be exactly opposite from the WSs perspective.<p>Just think before you speak. If you worry that you might have LB'd, chalk it up as experience and try to avoid the similar situation in the future.<p>One thin that helped me was to remember that time was/is on my side. You don't have to be in a hurry for anything. So, take time to think before you speak or act. Of course this is tough in face to face conversations, but with determination, you will get better at it. When you can't go on - Plan B.<p>WAT