Hi, My H told me 3 weeks ago about his A that happened 31/2 years ago and lasted for around 3 weeks. Since then I have felt every negative emotion that is out there. I am already doing so much better now I have more good days in between the bad. I still get really sad and angry and I know it'll take more time to heal. We are really working very hard to rebuild our marriage. My big question is this, I have decided not to confide in my family and I've read in other forums that I really need to. I don't want to hear what they have to say even though I know they all love me. Is it really bad if I keep this between my H, myself and the forums I find here? I haven't ruled out talking with a therapist but I'm not ready to do that yet. Any comments or suggestions would be great. Thanks

tryingtobehappy...jmho here and might be only worth $0.02. While you are having to deal with the knowlegde of what happened in the past, unless there is some really good reason for sharing this with family (like you really need the emotional support), I wouldn't tell. I would however, find some marriage counseling plus some private individual counseling. Sharing with family IF the two of you are both working together to rebuild and repair the marriage, may be asking for trouble if they don't fully support the decisions that the two of you make. I know from first hand experience that it is MUCH easier for the W to forgive then it may be for the mother of the W to forgive. We as parents tend to really "hold a grudge" if our children are caused to suffer needlessly. And we can be just as judgemental when our own children have taken the wrong path and caused harm to their spouses and children.<p>Now, on the flip side of this, if you have older children in the household who are able to put two and two together and come up with the correct answer...then talk to them. Don't leave them in the dark, you do NOT have to go into details, but don't assume that you can "get away" without them knowing what is going on (the mistake I made). <p>If you need emotional support...then yes, whoever is going to be there for you while you go through all the conflicting emotions....talk to them.<p>But adding in other's will often only mean that not only do you have to deal with your own emotional confusion, anger, sorrow, etc...but their's too. It can be overwhelming.<p>Good Luck to you and your H while you tread your healing path!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by tryingtobehappy:
<strong>Hi, My H told me 3 weeks ago about his A that happened 31/2 years ago and lasted for around 3 weeks. Since then I have felt every negative emotion that is out there. I am already doing so much better now I have more good days in between the bad. I still get really sad and angry and I know it'll take more time to heal. We are really working very hard to rebuild our marriage. My big question is this, I have decided not to confide in my family and I've read in other forums that I really need to. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm sorry for your pain.<p>Where did you hear that you should tell everyone????? Blabbing it around is a major lovebuster to your spouse. The Harleys would say to look at his honesty as a gift, and protect him by keeping his shameful betrayal between the two of you. If you tell anyone you will see...it is like letting the genie out of the box.<p>It is perhaps different if the affair is ongoing and disclosure is a last ditch attempt to break up the affair by shaming the wayward spouse. But this is history....be thankful that he has a conscience and told you.