I think my H is having an affair. Alright, I know it. We have been married for six years and have two children. H's business requires him to be on the road for three to four days of the week. While we were seperated before, I got pregant with our second child. He came back and we went to therapy. Therapy was not a good experience for H because the therapist mostly sided with me and told us we were just not compatible. But still we are married and our youngest daughter is 2. Last summer he stopped touching me in anyway. He would not have sex with me for three months until I threatned him and accused him of seeing someone else. Basically now it is mercy sex and very different. I have to ambush H and send the kids away to get him in bed otherwise he will get involved in the kids, start working and ignore me.
I got suspicious during the three month drought but I watched him closely. I could not find anything here in town. I soon figured out this must be going on while he is out of town. I got his phone bill and noticed the same number popping up over and over with long duration. I called the number and the OW answered. I got the OW's name and now I have her number. She called our home once in the eight months of their affair. I guess she finally got curious of me. The affair is still going on. He just got back in town from seeing the OW again today. He does not see OW every week but H is different when he comes from being with OW. He buys her gifts and airline tickets to be with him where he travels. I found a receipt from the jewelry store where H bought OW a Valentine's day present. He stays online with her for hours at night I have found. I found OW's number programmed in his cell phone. I don't know if H is in love with OW.<p>I have a great life with H. H is successful and generous and great to our daughters. My friends think I have it all and so does my family. I am embarassed and will be humiliated if he leaves. I am thinking of not confronting him and letting the affair run its course. I don't want to loose my nice home, nice car, or private schooling for my children. I don't know what to do. If I don't push it, H will not probably not leave me

I think you need to think things out a bit. You sound very shallow.

You sound scared. You are used to a certain financial security. However, does $ buy happiness? Not in my experience. And no one has to know about the affair. It sounds as if other people's opinions matter very much to you. <p>Take a look at the articles on this site. You may be able to still keep your husband and confront him. Some of the veterans can direct you better. See a counselor, a good one, and work on your issues and why $ and appearances are so important to you. Just my advice.

It is possible to not confront your H and to let the A run its course. But part of the 'fun' of an affair is the SECRECY involved. If you tell your H that you know, then some of his 'fun' is gone. But it will also whip you into a whirlwind of what we call the 'rollercoaster ride'.<p>My suggestion is for you to prepare yourself for confrontation. Read up on Emotional Needs, Love Busters, and Plan A and Plan B.<p>Your goal is to get your marriage back right? Start by fulfilling your husbands Emotional Needs (EN's), and Plan A your heart out!!! (fill his EN's as best you can without LB's!!). The other part of your Plan A is to become the BEST YOU YOU CAN BE!!! Start doing those things that make you happy, that aren't LB's in your H's eyes. What hobbies or interests did you have when you first met your H? Do you still do them? If not, then perhaps get to it. <p>And of course, keep on posting on here as much as you need to. This is the BEST place to vent out frustrations towards your H. Doing it to him would only be Love Busting. But you have to get it out, for your own sake of healing.<p>
Karen