Do you ever forget what you are fighting for? I feel like if H called me now I would tell him to stop screwing around with his little girlfriend and file for a divorce. I mean, who does he think he is?? People aren't supposed to do this. He is a state away living it up with OW and I'm here just trying to stay focused. This just isn't fair. I talked to my mom yesterday and she was telling me about some couples that I know who are going thru stuff like this and I have to wonder WHY??? Does all this pain go back to the garden of Eden? Do we have Eve and the snake to blame for hurting this much? I just don't know how much longer I can hang on to this small, VERY SMALL glimmer of hope that my marriage can be saved. I love H with all my heart, but how could he do this to me?

Awright...take this with a grain of salt.<P>H is doing nothing to you- he is doing that to himself. i know the self-pity ( yeah, thats it) of why me.<BR>question is- why not you?<P>i know the anger and resentment, loss, etc.<P>We sit and watch them be self-destructive and while WE know our love is the true love- but they have too decide that. everyone has a path in life to follow- it sucks dont it.<BR>take time for you and get ok with you, happpiness is a decsion and choice- i dont mean to sound glib at your situation, we are all hear to help. i hope i have helped.<BR>take care.

hello sw, anger is okay! It is fine to be mad, anry, sad, upset, etc. Often we forget that these are just as normal emotions as happiness and joy. <BR>Is monogamy a myth? There is a book by the Vaughans with that title...and yes, in a sense I think it is. <BR>Why? You may never understand the why to the whole issue of affairs. I know I don't, though I have searched very hard for answers. I am one of those people who liked things to be rather black and white-gray is not good enough! And I will analyze to death situations to make sense of it all, to make it fit into what I know as truth. Affairs never seem to make any sense. Once I accepted that as fact, I could move forward with healing and recovering from the devastation.Some parts may eventaully be understood, but not the entire event.<BR>Your situation with being apart is still painful for me to read. My h is gone quite often too, like now. If one were to look at emotional needs, it is obvious that neither of you can meet each others being so far away for such long time periods. Is this a reason for an affair? Possibly...but it sure does not make it right! There is no justification, though we can find some reasons if we search enough.<BR>You started by saying that if H called you tell him you want a divorce. I can understand that, I have done it! Is it a lb? Yes. Not a god idea because it comes out in moments of hate and anger. Just bite the end of your tongue off til that passes if you are talking to him. Maintain control!<BR>Stay focused, stay on track!!

I am not sure just how far along you are ie when you discovered, how long the affair has been going on and how long he has been living with OW. But taking the way you feel it was porbably recent, the discovery that is. I guess what I am trying to say is that your feeling are "normal" for the stage of the situation you are in. Don't get me wrong it hurts like H*!! no matter what stage you are in. But the "why me" you get through because you soon realize there is no answer to that question and also by posting here you realize it is happening to a lot of people. The next thing is what causes it you talked about the garden of Eden. well there is no answer there either. I guess there are no anwsers to any of this, but the next thing is to stop asking those questions (I know they still pop up from time to time for me) and starting asking now what can I do to change this and do I want to change this. And the important one how do I go on while I am trying or not trying to chnage this. I think you are still in school trying to get through your files. Well I wish you lots of luck. I know how hard it is to think straight right now let alone have the pressure of finals. I wish I could say just concentrate on the test and studying but I know that is impossible. Just hang in there and do the best you can. You will be in a lot of prayers. {{HUG}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

One down, four to go. I got thru the first hour and a half of my test without thinking about 'other aspects' of my life, but the 3 questions that I really needed to concentrate one - I couldn't. <P>convenant - You are so right. Everything you said makes sense, I'm just having trouble doing that right now. I have lots of friends telling me how great I am, but along with that comment, I get - 'you deserve better'. Yes, I do, but doesn't everyone? People make mistakes, and when you love someone you are usually willing and able to look over them and see the bigger picture. The big picture is hazy right now, but I am trying to stay focused on making myself a better person so if H comes back, he'll have something worth fighting for.<P>cl - great advice. I'll end up biting my tongue off. One of my greatest weaknesses is saying things I don't mean in fits of rage. I also think that if and when H and I finally talk again, he will try to push me to do that. It gives him an excuse not to try and to think that what he has done/is doing was/is justified.<P>SDS - H left 5 weeks ago, and as much as I suspected that there could be someone else, he didn't confirm those suspicions until a week ago today. Yes, I am a baby in this 'game'. I hate calling it that, but lack of a better name for my situation. 'an affair to remember' (but not in a good way). <BR>I realize, being so new at this, that everyone on this site who is fighting for their marriage despite all the hurt they fell should be commended in the highest possible way. A month and I have already had feelings of giving up - and that is really unlike my character. It is difficult to displace the painful feelings I have so that they don't take over my life. In a sense, they have, but I'm working on that. I have practiced what I might say to H when he finally talks to me, I have my 'hot babe' outfit ready to go at a moments notice, now if I can just stay focused on getting my husband back and working on our marriage a.k.a. not losing my temper in front of him, I'll be set. <P>Anyway, thanks everyone. I'm still trying. I remember a cool quote on a t-shirt that H had when we were dating years ago in high school, it said "Never give up, never ever give up." I try to remember him in it when I am thinking negative thoughts Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers as I do each of you.

Believe it or not having something to focus on does help the pain a little. Just concentrate one test at a time good luck and keep me posted on how you do. {{{hugs}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>